CPA Notables 2005 Ceremony

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by orgg, Sep 28, 2005.

  1. Nightstalkers Creature — Nightstalker

    Hey, we won an award! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did! No we didn't! Yes we did!

    ENOUGH!

    *The Nightstalkers rush up to the podium brandishing rather large bazookas and stare at Spiderman with a glint of bloodlust in their eyes. They heft up their bulbous weapons and aim them at him and fire, pelting him with a nice helping of various pies*


    Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too! Did not! Did too!

    Before Nightstalkers starts ripping tendons and ligaments with its typical knee-jerk reaction to my letters, it should realize that in this volatile political moment, we must cautiously guard against the dangers of huffy, brainless academicism. Those readers of brittle disposition might do well to await a ride on the next emotionally indulgent transport; this one is scheduled nonstop over rocky roads. As soon as you're strapped in, I'll announce something to the effect of how Nightstalkers's secret agents have been staggering around like punch-drunk fighters hit too many times -- stunned, confused, betrayed, and trying desperately to rationalize Nightstalkers's insipid treatises. It is not a pretty sight. Nightstalkers is trying to brainwash us. It wants us to believe that it's headlong to lead us all toward a better, brighter future; that's boring; that's not cool. You know what I think of that, don't you? I think that Nightstalkers decidedly believes that it is as innocent as a newborn lamb. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is it living in? Fortunately for us, the key to the answer is obvious: It is the type of organization that turns up its nose at people like you and me. I guess that's because we haven't the faintest notion about the things that really matter, such as why it would be good for Nightstalkers to muster enough force to suck up to oleaginous, primitive slimeballs. I mean, Nightstalkers used to complain about being persecuted. Now it is our primary persecutor. This reversal of roles reminds me that Nightstalkers will probably respond to this letter just like it responds to all criticism. It will put me down as "anti-democratic" or "self-centered". That's its standard answer to everyone who says or writes anything about it except the most fawning praise. Obstreperous pigheaded-types are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that I claim that like a merciless undesirable, Nightstalkers will honestly authorize, promote, celebrate, and legitimize unbridled allotheism. My views, of course, are not the issue here. The issue is that it has the nerve to call those of us who stand by our principles and be true to them on all occasions, in all places, against all foes, and at whatever cost "conspiracy theorists". No, we're "conspiracy revealers" because we reveal that Nightstalkers is guilty of at least one criminal offense. In addition, it frequently exhibits less formal criminal behavior, such as deliberate and even gleeful cruelty, explosive behavior, and a burning desire to preach fear and ignorance.

    I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I believe that there is, because there are few certainties in life. I have counted only three: death, taxes, and Nightstalkers announcing some unsavory thing every few weeks. Let Nightstalkers's vile stances stand as evidence that we should agree on definitions before saying anything further about Nightstalkers's obstinate warnings. For starters, let's say that "jujuism" is "that which makes Nightstalkers yearn to change children's values from those taught in the home to those considered chic by imprudent, shameless rubes." Yes, Virginia, Nightstalkers has -- not once, but several times -- been able to distract attention from more important issues without anyone stopping it. How long can that go on? As long as its cranky squibs are kept on life support. That's why we have to pull the plug on them and find the common ground that enables others to work together in an atmosphere of friendship and hope.

    I alluded to this earlier, but Nightstalkers has for a long time been arguing that there's no difference between normal people like you and me and incorrigible geeks. Had it instead been arguing that our problem -- and make no mistake about it, it is a severe predicament -- is that we currently lack the resources needed to help people see its abominable bromides for what they are, I might cede it its point. As it stands, the leap of faith required to bridge the logical gap in Nightstalkers's arguments is simply too terrifying for me to contemplate. What I do often contemplate, however, is how we must make the world safe for democracy. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that Nightstalkers has a unique faculty for wrecking people's lives. I challenge it to move from its broad derogatory generalizations to specific instances to prove otherwise. I believe in "live and let live". Nightstalkers, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of its exegeses but endorsement of them. It's because of such sententious demands that I contend that its magic-bullet explanations have created an uneducated, inerudite universe devoid of logic and evidence. Only within this universe does it make sense to say that those of us who oppose Nightstalkers would rather run than fight. Only within this universe does it make sense to revive an arcadian past that never existed. And, only if we give our propaganda fighters an instrument that is very much needed at this time can we destroy this footling universe of its and ring the bells of truth. There is a format Nightstalkers should follow for its next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts. Other than that, Nightstalkers attracts malign, surly spoilsports to its polity by telling them that its debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. I suppose the people to whom it tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, if I try really, really hard, I can almost see why Nightstalkers would want to agitate for indoctrination programs in local schools.

    Let no one say that the rules don't apply to Nightstalkers. No, this is litigious onanism and must be regarded as an attempt to throw us into a "heads I win, tails you lose" situation. Nightstalkers demands obeisance from its forces. Then, once they prove their loyalty, Nightstalkers forces them to substitute rumor and gossip for bona fide evidence. Please humor me for a moment while I state that if you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that Nightstalkers has nothing but contempt for you, and you don't even know it. That's why I feel obligated to inform you that when I'm through with it, it'll think twice before attempting to promote, foster, and institute quislingism. I become truly impatient with people who refuse to recognize the key role that Nightstalkers is playing in the destruction of our civilization. This is not rhetoric. This is reality.

    I have a plan to chastise Nightstalkers for not doing any research before spouting off. I call this plan "Operation report as best as possible the facts and circumstances surrounding Nightstalkers's deranged bruta fulmina". (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name, but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that Nightstalkers's desire to tinker about with a lot of halfway prescriptions is the chief sign that it's an empty-headed sod. (The second sign is that Nightstalkers feels obliged to pervert the course of justice.)

    The really interesting thing about all this is not that it behooves all of us to understand that Nightstalkers's power is built on lies. The interesting thing is that it is amazing to me that it would dare to criticize someone or something without carefully reading what was written. And here, I maintain, lies a clue to the intellectual vacuum so gapingly apparent in its plans for the future. Nightstalkers's memoirs share a number of characteristics. They use cheap, intemperate propaganda to arouse the passions of what I call vicious quiddlers. They convict me without trial, jury, or reading one complete paragraph of this letter. And they apotheosize bloodthirsty gadflies. Put together, these characteristics imply that if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong.

    From what I know of Nightstalkers's homilies, it is saying essentially three things:

    1. It is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose.
    2. Its vices are the only true virtues.
    3. It is the way, the truth, and the light.

    Obviously, all three of these are unequivocally temperamental. Nightstalkers has it all wrong; I do not appreciate being labeled. No one does. Nevertheless, my general thesis is that I am shocked and angered by its capricious improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: Nightstalkers is planning to seize control over where we eat, sleep, socialize, and associate with others. This does not bode well for the future, because it and its goons are, by nature, brusque losers. Not only can that nature not be changed by window-dressing or persiflage, but the only weapons Nightstalkers has in its intellectual arsenal are book burning, brainwashing, and intimidation. That's all it has, and it knows it.

    Nightstalkers finds reality too difficult to swallow. Or maybe it just gets lost between the sports and entertainment pages. In either case, the biggest difference between me and Nightstalkers is that Nightstalkers wants to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all. I, on the other hand, want to view the realms of prætorianism and interdenominationalism not as two opposing poles, but as two continua. I have always been an independent thinker. I'm not influenced by popular trends, the media, or even so-called undisputed facts when parroted by others. Maybe that streak of independence is what first enabled me to see that most people want to be nice; they want to be polite; they don't want to give offense. And because of this inherent politeness, they step aside and let Nightstalkers turn me, a typically mild-mannered person, into an invidious vat of Dadaism. If you ask Nightstalkers if it's true that it would be downright sordid for it to weaken our mental and moral fiber, you'll just get a lot of foot-shuffling and downcast eyes in response. What do you think of this: None of Nightstalkers's rejoinders changes my mind about anything?

    Nightstalkers thinks it would be a great idea to force some to live by restrictive standards not applicable to others. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. Not surprisingly, if Nightstalkers wants to turn positions of leadership into positions of complacency, let it wear the opprobrium of that decision. Although this may come as a surprise to some readers, if we are to provide an antidote to contemporary manifestations of apolaustic, unpleasant nepotism, then we must be guided by a healthy and progressive ideology, not by the incompetent and loquacious ideologies that Nightstalkers promotes.

    I am a law-and-order kind of person. I hate to see crimes go unpunished. That's why I indisputably hope that Nightstalkers serves a long prison term for its illegal attempts to provide indecent sandbaggers with an irresistible temptation to seek temporary tactical alliances with the most unprofessional shysters I've ever seen in order to acquire public acceptance of its brain-damaged announcements. Imagine people everywhere embracing Nightstalkers's claim that its decisions are based on reason. The idea defies the imagination. The only way out of Nightstalkers's rat maze is to develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about its contrivances. It's that simple.
  2. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    *Ransac stares at the massive amount of spam coming out of Nightstalker's mouth.*


    Ransac, cpa trash man
  3. Notepad Seffy Sefro

    *Tattoo Sefro just kinda pretends to nod at Nightstalkers' rant. Yes, a brighter happier future is BORING. But then, his mind wanders off. He is afterall, someone with a glutteous for a brain...*

    *The model, on the other hand -=actually IS=- one of those girls who's doing her gigs to save up money for medical school, and she listens to every single word, and understands it all*
  4. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    Next we have the award that has the final say after each post. Keeping the title and taking it solely from last year, this year's Best Sig award returns to... myself! Oh geez... another round on me!

    <man, this is going to break the bank...>

    And keeping the title from last year, this award goes to the person who seems to represent Magic the most here. This year's MTG Mascot award stays with orgg!
  5. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    *Ransac beat his way past security to ask Spiderman another question while he's onstage. Spiderman answer and Theorgg escorts Ransac away, answering ANOTHER question in the process.*


    Ransac, cpa trash man
  6. orgg Administrator

    *steps up to the podium.

    Once again, thank you for thinking of me as the best face of the game. I appriciate it. :D
  7. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    *Ransac drops a Noidatog into Theorgg's breechcloth.*


    Ransac, cpa trash man
  8. Mooseman Isengar Tussle

    Behind the mooseman stands a thin cat hacking up hairballs, a tall guy with glasses smoking a cigarette and a penguin.... they all have signs that read "MOOSEMAN FOR PRESIDENT".

    Waving the signs, they start to sing:

    "Mooseman, Mooseman for president,
    you know he's not the same
    Mooseman Mooseman for president,
    you know he's not insane
    he's not insane."
  9. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    Next up are two repeats from last year. The first is to that one who just naturally translates his thoughts and ideas to "paper" (or digital) clearly and makes it a joy to read... this year's Best Writer award goes to Notepad (aka SeFRo)

    And the second is for that person who isn't afraid to express his thoughts... the Most Outspoken award goes to Istanbul!
  10. Istanbul Sucker MCs call me sire.

    You know what they say...an open mouth gathers no moss.

    ...or something.
  11. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    *Theorgg, mad at the prank that Ransac just pulled on him, hurls Ransac into the crowd. Conviniently (sp?), he landed right next to Notepad and Istanbul and asks them a random question.*


    Ransac, cpa trash man
  12. Doombringer Durandal

    *Doombringer, confused as to the events going on around him -and too lazy to read the entire thread to figure out whats going on- simply takes a plate, piles food onto it from the snack bar, and sits down in the back row.*
  13. Ferret CPA Founder, Slacker

    The Ferret fades into view for a second (and who said that Phasing is something that only Blue uses?) to look at the ceremony... "No award for me again?" He mutters. "Oh well, perhaps if I popped in a little more often...stupid war..." and promptly phases back out...

    -Ferret

    "...only ten days or so I can go back to posting regularly..."
  14. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    *Oversoul pushes his metallic fingers into the phased out zone and draws them back examining them for blood each time, on the off chance that he actually managed to spear Ferret. There is no sign that he is hitting anything even near Ferret, and he eventually grows bored and abandons this diversion.*
  15. Killer Joe Active Member

    *KJ looks at Oversoul's diversion and wonders how he ~wipes-himself~ without getting hurt :confused: *

    *Meanwhile - it's time to find Death-Tongue's lead singer and smack him a good one across the beak!* :p
  16. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Glad to see some more folks coming in! Grab a seat and ignore the crazies!

    Next up is the award where you probably better get this person's autograph NOW, before he charges $100 for it. Keeping the title from last year, this year's Most Likely to Become Famous for non-Magic Reasons is DUke!

    And then we have the award for the person who shows creativity and could possibly become the next R&D guy... taking the title away from Istanbul, this year's Best Homemade Card Designer is Force of Will Smith!

    Congrats all!"
  17. Nightstalkers Creature — Nightstalker

    lol, we all know Duke is most likely to be in Forbes or something.
  18. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    *Ransac points up into the air and bursts into flames, disappearing in the process. Then, he reappears next to DUke and Force of Will Smith and asks them random Questions.*


    Ransac, cpa trash man
  19. DÛke Memento Mori

    Yay I still win something, which I wouldn't have known of really if it weren't for Ransac's pm which alerted my email.

    It's great...it's great. Hopefully I get to prove it soon...real soon.

    No, and it's nothing relative to Forbes.
  20. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    ....and you still haven't replied to my pm......grr.....


    Ransac, cpa trash man

Share This Page