CPA Notables 2005 Ceremony

[orgg]

*The Orgg walks to a charred bit of rubble, and hangs a sign that says "CPA Notables moved to large patch of grass with tent over there----->" before walking to the podium set up inside a large tent with open sides.

The CPA Notables is Open! Everyone, please enter and take your seats.


Spiderman will be with us as soon as he can, but for now, I encourage everyone to have some of the snacks at each side of the tent. Make sure to replace the Insect Nets after serving yourself. Also, thanks to Phrexian Pie Maker for the Phrexian Pie Maker, Phrexian Dumpling Makers, Phrexian Synthetic Fried Poultry Makers, Phrexian Nibbles and Bits Makers, and the Randy Beuhler's Head On A Platter Maker supplied by Aaron Forsythe. Unfortunatly, we are out of the key ingredient for the lattermost. Also, to Copsi, the newest Coke and Pepsi knockoff for the drinks, a large... eww. Change the recepe. The cola tastes like tea and Doctor Pepper mixed.

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac wakes up and walks out of his house to get the newspaper. It isn't there, yet. However, the paperboy is in sight down the street. Ransac waves hi the ambitious young lad, to which the boy chucks the paper (with two free bars of soap in it) and smacks Ransac right in the jaw. Ransac goes down and cusses at the rambunctious, asinine punk. Ransac rubs his cheek and reaches down to pick up the paper when he notices the headline: "Catastrophic cheese shortage expected". Of course, this freaks out Ransac, who prepares to phone his presidential running mate (Monkey). But, right before he gets to the phone, he notices a small sub-bar on the paper: "2005 CPA NOTABLES BEGINNING!!!!!!!"*

Holy OINK! I need to get over there now!!!

*Ransac snaps his fingers and the paperboy is now wearing black clothing that is 18 sizes too small. This causes him to fall off his bike.*

heh-heh-heh-heh.

*One cab ride later (that results in 574 fatalities), Ransac arrives in his penguin suit at the tent and proceeds to set up his interview booth. Who will win this year?!?!? Will right prevail!?!?! Will ANYONE tell Ransac that his fly is unzipped?!?!?!?!?!?! Well, the answer to the last on is "Probably not. It's funny", but we'll find out the others soon.*


*The cheese shortage takes out South Dakota and Montana. There are no survivors.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[EricBess]

EricBess walks in, strolls to the front and his usual reserved seat and sits down...Moments later, there is a ringing sound. He reaches down, removes his shoe, pops back the heel to reveal a hidden antenna and begins speaking into his shoe.

"Hello?"..."Yep, right here"..."I'm already there"..."Fashionably what?"..."Why doesn't anyone tell me these things."

After a brief conversation, he replaces his shoe-phone on his foot, antena dangling to the side, and red-faced, leaves the building once again.

 

[orgg]

Good Trick, Eric.

We're in a TENT this year. Much less costly when it enevitably is destroyed.

 

[Oversoul]

With Oversoul's attempt at crashing the ceremony last year having been a miserable failure, he is determined to take a more direct approach this time.

He walks to the front of the room and opens his trenchcoat to reveal...

...that he is naked.

"Oops. That was not supposed to happen."

Surprised, Oversoul leaves, walking a bit more quickly than when he entered.

"I will return. Oh yes, I will. And when I do, you're all in for it..."

 

[jorael]

As Jorael wanders through the country side, he stumbles upon a tent and a podium.

*Curiously he approaches*

 

[Spiderman]

Spiderman swings by, muttering, "I'm late! I'm late!" He almost misses the sign and test but readjusts to adroitly land next to it. Entering, he mutters, "Great! Snacks are here... seats are set up... where's the podium? And stage? Better get those set up..." He webslings back to the charred building where he finds that the stage and podium are miracuously untouched. He spends the next hour or so muscling them into place in the tent.

 

[Killer Joe]

Hello my ragtime gaaaaaaaaaal,.......[KJ on one knee with arms spead out holding a top hat and cane]

[insert cricket sound]


KJ: Oh well, I guess I'll just take my seat.

HEY! Whose *trenchcoat* is this?

 

[Mooseman]

The mooseman arrives with a penguin in tighty whities......
Looking around, he notices all the others wearing tuxes........
A ballon appears above his head........
"hmmm.... rent a penguin..... oh I get it.... the invatation must have said rent a penguin SUIT...... Oh well Opus at least there's free food....."

He quickly snags two slightly charred folding chairs and and awaits the festivities........

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac thinks that his penguin suit is better than Mooseman's penguin suit, since his has a bigger beak and doubles as a wet-suit.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

KJ: Hmmm, is that the tuba playing rock star Opus from Death Tongue? Oooo, I hope I can get his autograph!

[KJ looks over at Ransac and wonders if that's a beak or is he just happy to be here? ]

 

[Mooseman]

Mooseman makes sure that Ransac is not sitting behind him and yells to KJ,
"Autographs are $30.00 or that value in magic rares."
"Don't crowd and form a single file line, you supply the pen."

 

[Nightstalkers]

*Nightstalker cards begin raining down from the heavens and accumulate in vast piles on the ground. The cards begin to shimmer and shine as they slowly turn into foils, then seem to catch alight as they reform into the new format of magic cards*

Heh... heh... heh... we're back...

*The Nightstalkers begin to step out of the cards and grow to full size and make their own unique entrances. Finally, they begin going off on their own anticks, hurling pies, anvils, large hammers, and anything else to hishonor or humiliate one another*

 

[Oversoul]

*Oversoul walks back in, wearing a trenchcoat as before. He peeks down his own coat, awkwardly, and sighs with relief, then opens the coat to reveal that the rest of his wardrobe is constructed of explosives (even his slippers are made from a cyclonite-based mixture and studded with blasting caps).*

"Now I know what you're thinking. Right now, I am sure you're all wondering where I got this stuff. Not very many tailors specialize in producing pants that are 95% TNT. And they're comfortable too, if you can believe that. I wouldn't have thought so either, but they fit like a glove. And speaking of gloves, I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find a good deal on some exploding gloves--at least not any that would complement the rest of this. So I coated my hands in napalm, but it was sticky and I washed it off before I got here. But it's just as well, since what I'm wearing now is enough to blow us all to bits. Which I am not planning on doing until...

*Oversoul pushes his detonator just as he is finishing the word "until." He fails to notice that everyone else has distanced themselves from him, so the explosion, while shaking them up a bit, doesn't actually kill them. The spot where Oversoul was standing is now a crater.*

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac stares at the smoldering crater where Oversoul once was.*

We seem to accumulate a lot of these around here, don't we?

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Nightstalkers]

*the Nightstalkers all throw a lemon merangue pie at Ransac*

 

[Notepad]

*As usual Sefro is late. But, he was too busy writing tons and tons of fiction this year. Now that he realizes its time to go, he sees he's too covered in ink and paper cuts to make a formal appearance. Time for...PAPER SEFRO!*

*A buxom 20-something model comes out, dressed in a skimpy bikini, holding a smiling paper cutout puppet of Sefro/Notepad. The puppet would like wave hi to everyone and bow, but alas he is just a puppet stand-in (and he's far too distracted by the model puppeteer). Like the Sprite toy spokesman, he just shouts out slang slogans and changes poses when nobody's looking or the camera angle changes.*

*Paper Sefro begins campaigning promises that he will make sure the model does a pole dance for the male audience, if Sefro gets your votes. He also remembers the ladies, and promises Napoleon Dynamite will do lap dances (sorry, kinda ran low on budget after hiring the vixen puppeteer)*

*Not as a bribe, but more as an act of goodwill, Paper Sefro orders in the slaves with crates of Kosher hotdogs AND cheese for everyone in the audience. The slaves are then set free to also enjoy the feast along with y'all. How kind, as this is all proclomation of the true Sefro/Notepad.*

 

[Killer Joe]

*KJ is appreciative for the hot dog and cheese given out by P-Fro's slaves but wonders whereinthehell are the DRINKS!

*KJ just has two big things to say about the Buxom 20 something model: 1.)A - 2.)Men!

*Then KJ pulls out a twenty and a ten spot for the autograph of OPUS from Death Tongue but can't find something to write with. Then he spots a burning charcoal of something from a smoldering crater and bumps the lemon pied *TRASH MAN* out of the way and picks up a piece of burning charcoal to give to Opus for an autograph.

*KJ finally gets the autograph, enjoys his hot dog and cheese and wonders what's with the sticky spider webs everywhere

 

[Killer Joe]

Dang! This is a long time to stay in suspended animation!

Pine for old days: Anyone remember when Whimsy used to chase Spidey around and whip him into a dancing frenzy? ahhhhhhhhhh, them were some days....

 

[Spiderman]

Shhh... I don't think anyone needs to remember that...