I apologize if I've kept you people waiting.
It's just I've been too exhausted lately to do anything more than answer the occasional post (don't you dare say a word, Spidey!). And contrary to popular belief, humor isn't as easy at it looks (though the best is usually spontaneous). Monty Python (if memory serves correctly) said it the best, "Death is easy. Comedy is hard."
Enough of my griping! On with the nonsense!
<picking up where we last left our intrepid band of heroes, we find Purple and Apollo running across the broken deck of the Weatherlost towards the captain's cabin>
Purple: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! <reaches the door first and tries to open it> Darn it! Open! <fumbles with the knob> Why won't it open?!
Apollo: Hurry up! Those horrors are first-strike, you know!!! <starts pounding on the door energetically>
Purple: Zadok must've locked it before he left! Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! <fumbles with the knob desperately>
Spidey (coming from inside): Can't a minotaur ever get any privacy?! I'm busy!!!
Apollo: Open the door, you over-muscled cretin!
Spidey: Whatever it is, my business is more important!
Apollo: Just let us in already!
Spidey: Now what could be more important than letting me finish my potty break?! <noisome noises resound from inside>
Purple: Potty break?! Eeeeeewwwwwww!!! Gross!
Apollo: Cosmic Horror?! Eeeewwwwww!!! Gross!
Purple: Okay, you've got a point there, feather-head. <recommences pounding on the door> Let us in ... you ... you ... you're momma was a cow!
Apollo (pulling Purple aside): Are you sure? This is udder madness, you know. <sighs> The last time you called him that, he broke down that energy barrier which trapped us 16 episodes ago with his bare hands just to try and strangle you ... oh. You're momma was a dairy cow!
Spidey: <more flatulent noises>
Purple: Did you herd that? We're going to milk this comment for everything it's worth!!!
Spidey: I am calm. I am the wind. <more flatulent noises> Okay, I break wind.
Apollo (groaning): It's not working. That potty break must take precedence over everything else!
Spidey: Minotaurs can live for three days without water, honor is everything. When it comes to calls of the wild though ... screw honor!
Purple: Let us in, hamburger-head!
Spidey (sighing): Just WHAT the heck did you do to call TWO Cosmic Horrors? Did you guys accidentally chant "'la! 'la Hastur! Hastur! 'la Hastur!"? That summons one of those overgrown slime-puddles you know! Hey wait. What's this wiggling tentacle doing in the john? Why is it trying to poke me up the keister?! Uh-oh. <bursts out of the cabin, pulling up his pants>
Purple: Ewwwwwwww!!! Naked minotaurs!!!
Apollo: Ewwwwwwww!!! THREE Cosmic Horrors!!!
Purple: Will you stop mocking me?!
Spidey: Would you guys start running?!
All three: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
<up in the crow's nest>
Zadok: Go away!!! <vainly makes shooing motions to a climbing Cat> Scat, Cat!
Cat: Meow? <starts rubbing his face against the rigging> Ow. That stings. Dang bloody hormonal imbalance.
Zadok (delving into his tuxedo and pulling out a stick): A-hah! <throws the stick> Fetch, boy!
Cat (looking offended): Whaddya think I am?! A dog?!
Zadok: The way you've been looking at me while you were climbing. Yes.
Cat: Can I help it?! You've got such delectable fur! Stop stroking yourself! That's MY job!
Zadok (wailing): Heeeeeeeelllllllppppppp! Bad hands!
<over at the aft cabin>
PPE (humming to self while baking): Ah-hah! Finally finished! Now to pop it in the Easy-Bake Oven... <opens the oven door and is startled by a flutter of leathery wings> Aaaahhhh!!! Imp! <squints> You're Norrit! Purple's familiar!
Imp: Err, no. Norrit is my brother who got turned into a thrull mcnugget snack. I'm Nowrite, pleased to meet 'cha!
PPE: So what brings you here, oh illiterate fiend?
Nowrite: Uh, Yawgie Bear threatened to turn me into a picnic basket if I didn't deliver these two to you.
PPE: Eh? What two?
Nowrite (reaches into a portable hole and pulls out a pair of gnomes): These two! <plops them atop the oven>
PPE: Mechanical gnomes. So what are they supposed to do?
Nowrite: Well, the bottle gnome has a message for you. And he wouldn't really leave home without his buddy the ticking gnome. <sighs> Anyways, I'm late for another delivery job. Have fun! <disappears in a bamf of sulfur>
PPE (waving away the sulfur): Now what in the heck would that old fogie Yawgie Bear want now? <bips the bottle gnome on the head> C'mon! Spill the beans! <incomprehensible beeping results>
Ticking gnome: Hello. My name is Gizmo. This is my companion, Rathian. We are gnomes. He is a bottle gnome. I am a ticking gnome. Pleased to meet you, jolly good!
Rathian: Bleep, blurp, beep, beep!
Gizmo: He says he has a message for you. Would you like to hear it, jolly good!
PPE (groaning): Gawd. Whatever.
Gizmo: Go on, Rathian. Deliver the message, jolly good!
Rathian: <starts projecting a holo of a woman clad in white speaking to the bottle gnome>
PPE: <immediately bips both gnomes on the head with a pie tray and stalks off muttering> We're going to get sued for plagiarism at this rate!
<back up the deck>
Sleepy (yawning): I'd like you to meet my friends, by the way. They should be here somewhere...
Spidey (running pell-mell): Aaaaahhhhhh! Hi, Sleepy! Ahhhhhhhh!!! <zooms past>
Sleepy: Errr...
Purple (hiking up her robes and running): Aaaahhhhh! Good afternoon, Sleepy! Aaaaahhhh!!! <zooms past>
Sleepy (calling down below): I think you'd better come up here already. Everyone seems to be in a rush today.
Unknown female voice: Whatever! Ready or not! Here I come!
Sleepy: That sounds so sick.
Unknown female voice: Shaddup! <floor boards break as a vision of dark majesty erupts from underneath > I am Almindhra! Guardian of the dusk! Angel of the twilight! <sable wings flare as she strikes a pose>
Apollo (running very fast): Aaaaahhhhh! Hiya, Sleepy! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!! <zooms past>
Sleepy: Angel of the twilight! <laughs uncontrollably> Didn't those other angels call you by some other title?
Mindi: Shaddup!
Apollo (zooming back): A babe! Come, my vision of twilight manifest! Come to my arms! <makes smooching motions as he flaps towards her>
Mindi: Eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! Pervert!!! <wings stretch out as she flies up, Apollo in hot pursuit>
Sleepy: Hehehehehehehehe. Fallen angel my left foot. <tracks their progress across the sky with a smirk> They didn't call her Mindi, Falling Angel for nothing. <watches Mindi miss an updraft and crash on the deck> Yup. Same ole' Mindi...
'Till next time, y'all!
[Edited by Whimsical on September 21st, 2000 at 12:45 PM]