<back inside the captain's cabin>
Zadok (breathing heavily): For my sake ... that door had BETTER hold. <listens to Apollo's amorous appeals with a shudder> And I'd better do something about these blasted hands of mine ... <sits on them with a thump> My butt feels nice... Aaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!
<down in the hold>
Spidey: <crash!> Maybe it's my grip? <run, run, crash!> The way I hold the wood? <run, crash!> ^%%&#&^%#*^&# wall!!! <collapses in a heap beside a snoring Sleepy> As to how HE can sleep at a time like this ... when my honor is at stake and all. Grrr... hey. <scenery starts to blur in an odd nauseating way> What's that nauseating shift in the scenery? Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!! Flashbackkkkkk!!!
<somewhere off the coast of Urburp>
Zadok (at the prow of the then intact Weatherlost): Why are we in Urburp, again? And get off the rigging, Spidey!!! <crash, groan> Dagnabbit.
Apollo: Ummm ... because ... we ... are ... supposed ... <squints at something in the distance>
Purple: Why are you talking like that, bird boy?
Apollo (calmly points to the script placard hovering in the air): Because that thing is too far away to read properly! <said placard promptly floats closer> Oh. We're here because the author said so.
entire crew: Huh?!
Purple: Oh, great. Stuck somewhere because of author whim. <groans> Why IS this place called Urburp anyhow?
Zadok (points off to the bubbly swamp ... entire crew watches a bubble rise off the miasma, and pop to release a burp which registers on the Richter scale): Happy? And somebody get Spidey off the rigging! <crash, groan>
Purple: Very punny...
<fast forward to some dank dismal crypt in the heart of Urburp>
Cat: I HATE these fast-forward sequences... <groans, looking pasty-faced> I really do. Hey. <ears perk up> Anybody else hear that?
PPE: Hear what? What do your keen hunter-killer sense detect, Cat? Danger? <pie pans swish out from under his arm in preparation>
Cat: Can't you hear it? The Call of the Wild?
PPE: The nifty green enchantment?
Cat: Nope. The natural one. <runs helter-skelter for a bush>
PPE: Jeez. You guys go on ahead. I'll stay with Emperor Cat until his potty-break is over.
<the rest of the crew just groan and open the door to the crypt>
Zadok (pulling out a sword): Stay sharp, people. No telling what we'll meet in a dank dismal tomb.
Apollo: Kinda like that spitting slug last time that went after Purple? <snicker, snicker>
Purple: I resent that remark, bird brain!
Spidey: Har, har! I remember that! It kept going, "Show me your rack, baby and I'll even let you twiddle my ivory tower!" Har, har, har! <both Spidey, Apollo, and Zadok burst out laughing>
Purple (blushing): Oh, shut up!
Unknown dark and creepy voice complete with resonance: Who dares to disturb my eternal slumber? <red eyes glare at them from the furthest shadows>
Zadok: It is I, Zadok, the fearless captain of the Weatherlost! <strikes a pose with sword raised>
Apollo: And I, Apollo, cabin boy of the Weatherlost! <strikes a pose, wings flaring>
Spidey: And me, Spidey, first mate of the Weatherlost! <strikes a pose, impressive muscles bulging>
Purple (rolls eyes at their antics): Gimme a break.
Apollo: Dagnabbit. You ALWAYS have to go and ruin our into, Purple.
Purple: Puh-leaze.
Zadok: Apollo's right! Why don't you ever join us in these silly but dramatic introductory poses?
Spidey: Yeah? Why not?
Unknown dark and creepy voice complete with resonance: Will you guys pay attention to the unknown dark and creepy voice complete with resonance?! Jeez. Ahem. <steps out of the shadow, a scrawny young man with a billowing cloak> My name is Snorelax and I am a ... <dramatic pyrotechnics ensue, blinding everyone> a vampire!!!
Purple (giggling): Reeeeaaaaalllllly now?
Apollo (smothering a laugh): You don't say...
Spidey (chortling): Uh-huh.
Zadok (laughing outright): Wait a minute. If you're a vampire...
Sleepy: But I am! Look! I even have the fangs and all!
Zadok (laughing uncontrollably): If you're a vampire, then you suck don't you?
Sleepy: Uh, yes. <looks confused> Don't all vampires?
Everyone: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
<scenery twists in that nauseating flashybacky pattern again>
Spidey (groaning): I hate those flashbacks ... they give me motion sickness...
<grins> Don't worry, Mindi. Your character is up next. Promise.
'Till next time!
