A "Whimsical" set...

W

Whimsical

Guest
I need to take a break from that "Pawns" storyline ... it's getting way too serious for my sense of humor to handle. Don't mind me ... I'll be putting up the cards I created previously and stuff them into some mad wizard's island. :D Let's see...

Whimsical, Adorable Sliver
Creature - Legend
BRGWU
5/5
Trample
May not be the target of spells or effects. Whimsical gains -4/+4 when attacking and +4/-4 when blocking. All slivers you control gain this ability when Whimsical comes into play, T: This sliver gains trample and +2/+2 until end of turn.

"Can't seem to make up her mind, can she?"
- Acerbic Sliver #4234 of 5, last words

Phyrexian Pie-Eater
Creature - Pie-Eater Legend
5
0/6
Trample
During your upkeep, sacrifice a Pie token control or bury Phyrexian Pie-Eater. 0: Sacrifice a Pie token you control to give Pie-Eater +1/+0 until end of turn.

"MORE!"

Chef of Yawgmoth
Creature - Chef
4
1/2
T: Sacrifice a creature you control to make a number of 1/1 Pie tokens equal to the creature's power. You may not use ability on a creature with power greater than Chef. At end of turn, if number of Pie tokens exceed toughness of Chef, bury Chef.

"In the end, the Pies overwhelmed the chef because of one simple error on the chef's part...he made them fast baking."

- Chronicles of Bob the Evil Overfiend, chapter 13

Duchess the Black Beast
Creature - Legend
BW
6/6
Trample
First Strike
Play only if you Duke the Black Beast in play. May not attack unless you sacrifice a Snivelling Husband token.
T: turn target Duke into a 0/1 Snivelling Husband token.

"And just where were YOU last night, Dukey dear?!"
- Duchess the Black Beast

007 Zadok
Creature - Legend
3BW
3/3
First Strike, Haste
You may play 007 Zadok whenever you can play an instant. If played as an instant, bury 007 Zadok at end of turn.

"The name's Zadok ... James Zadok."
- 007 Zadok

Sorceress Princess
Creature - Sorceress
1B
0/1
T: Turn target creature you control into a 0/1 black creature until end of turn.

"Almost got it ... Darn! That's the fifth pit lord I turned into a nettling imp today!"
- Purple Girl, Sorceress Princess

Bird Boy
Creature - Boy
1R
0/1
Flying
Bury target Bird Maiden when Bird Boy comes into play.

"So ... you fly around here often?"
- Apollo, Bird Boy

Wall Crawler
Creature - Crawler
GG
0/2
G, T: tap Wall Crawler to tap target wall.

"My secret? I use lotsa glue. Now somebody please help pry me off this wall of heat..."
- Spidey the Wallcrawler

Drow
Summon Elf
BB
1/1
Draw a card when Drow comes into play.

"Very punny..."
- Duel, Cowboy Elf

Adorable Sliver
Creature - Sliver
1GG
0/1
All slivers gain this ability when Adorable Sliver comes into play, T: turn into a 0/1 token that must be blocked by all opposing creatures in combat.

"Aaaaagh! Step on it, quick!"
- Igottarock, Durdan Firegiant Chieftain

That's all for now! On a side, if you guys/gals/various assorted lifeforms are going to post card ideas here (you know you want to) ... please keep them in keeping with the overall theme of being sucky but funny. Actually, it doesn't matter whether the card's broken or not ... as long as it's funny. Puh-lease? :)
 
W

Whimsical

Guest
Dread of Naught
Instant
BBB
Bury target creature with a power greater than the number of permanents you have in play currently.

"I fear nothing...I tell you, it scares the bejesus outta me."
- Duel the Dreadnought

This card is in honor of your title transition, mister Duel sir. And your umpteenth post award too... Happy? :D

Igottarock
Creature - Giant Legend
3RR
4/4
0: sacrifice any number of mountains to deal X damage to target player or creature where X is the number of mountains sacrificed.

"I got a rock."
- Igottarock, Durdan Firegiant Chieftain

I just couldn't resist making a card for that nutty giant seeing as how mister Apollo sir was so fascinated by the quote I offered up for his legend. :D
 
F

Firestorm

Guest
Hmmm, actually Adorable Sliver would be a pretty cool card.

Avatar of Apple Pie
RRRR
10/10
Trample
During your upkeep, sacrafice a land, or sacrafice Avatar of Apple Pie. If any Phyrexian Pie-Eaters are in play at the same time as Avatar of Apple Pie, Destroy Avatar of Apple Pie, it can't be regenerated, target Phyrexian Pie Eater of opponent's choice gets +4/+4 and put 6 Pie tokens into play under opponent's control. Treat these as 1/1 creatures that count as slices.
"That was yummy."- Phyrexian Pie-Eater
 
W

Whimsical

Guest
I wish I had time to work this into a REAL story ... but here's a rough draft of the storyline in play format. Stop giving me those funny looks. Plays are inherently easier to write than short stories, okay?

With that out of the way...

Cast and Crew

Purple - a cute adorable woman with short bouncy black hair, clad in rune-stitched robes of sable, training to be a full sorceress queen

007 Zadok - well-built man with a debonair smile and clad in a formal tuxedo

Apollo - a normal young man with only two quirks, a fetish for all things avian and a pair of wings on his back

<opening sequence kicks off with a view of a lush tropical island, an active volcano set in its very heart occasionally giving off a burp of satisfaction ... camera zooms closer to view a typically idyllic beach with its mandatory shipwreck and two castaways next to it arguing>

Purple (with a sardonic grin on her face): So tell me again just WHY we're stuck on this godsforsaken island?

007 Zadok (smiles suavely): Why to destroy Bob the Evil Overfiend of course. <spooky orchestra music cue>

Purple: We don't even KNOW if the foozle's actually HERE! Humph! For all I know, you deliberately crashed the ship so we could wind up in an idyllic beach as castaways...

Zadok: <gets a thoughtful look on his face at that>

Purple: Don't you DARE, mister! <glares at him, magic flaring around her> I can turn you into a spitting slug or something much worse, you know!

Zadok (flashes a quirky smile): Or try to anyway, dahling Purple. I've watched you in action before...

Purple: So I accidentally turned that Thallid into a Blastoderm last time... <shrugs> Sue me.

Zadok: I think the Kjeldoran high council already did that ... not to mention the Leitburian Order ... and so did the Cateran camp ... and I heard the Beys of Viashino also filed a class-action suit to have you restrained...

Purple (growing more and more indignant with each remark): Why you! <points a finger at Zadok> Kalafooble!

Zadok: Oh, great. <looks in dismay at his new form> You just turned me into a saproling.

Purple: Hey, it worked! Um, sorry about that. Guess my temper got the better of me. <waves a hand over Zadok> Shikibu! <Zadok turns into a mountain goat> Errr ... clefable? <turns into a dwarven pony> Zimbatu? <turns into a homarid>

And so on...

30 minutes later...

Apollo (lands beside Purple and a mold demon in a rotting tuxedo, takes one look at them and grins): Zadok ticked you off again, Purple?

Purple: Uh, you could say that. Now, shhh. Ovoid? <Zadok turns into a sheep> Oh, darn it all!!! I hate having to reverse my spells! <glances over at Apollo> Uh, how was the scouting run?

Apollo (shrugs): Nothing much to report ... just the usual bevy of carnivorous plants, man-eating men, hordes of barbarians slaying the village women and raping the livestock ... typical foozle island.

Zadok: Baaaaa?

Purple: Um, he's asking whether you saw Bob the Evil Overfiend's castle <cue spooky orchestra music>.

Apollo: Er, how do you know that?

Purple: I'm guessing, okay? Avianus? <watches as Zadok transforms into a ravishing bird maiden> Uh-oh.

Apollo (eyes glazing over): Bird ... woman ...

Zadok (glances at Purple, glances at Apollo, pauses to admire his cleavage and wings, then immediately gets a worried look on his face): Oh, shoot!

Purple: Run, Zadok!!!

To be continued... :D

Hmmm ... I wonder who to work in next ... :D
 
C

Cateran Emperor

Guest
She turned me into a newt! Well, I got better...

Please, go on (and where am I? :D )
 
Z

Zadok001

Guest
LoL... I feel severely threatened... :) But I love your anything-but-accurate character for me. Great story Whimsical!
 
S

Snowy

Guest
I love the story (though I am a bit weird)

I'm coming for you, Zadok! :)
 
T

Thrash Golem

Guest
how come im not in it? i guess im one of those planeswalkers
 
P

Phyrexian Pie-Eater

Guest
And my split personalities. Well except for Evilkow, but thats another story... Anyway, just here to say good job miss whimsical ma'am. Thumbs Up
 
W

Whimsical

Guest
Wow. <glances at all the positive remarks about the semi-coherent story> That's what I love about you guys ... you're a lot less critical about fiction than my usual audience. :D Without further ado...

Cast and Crew
Phyrexian Pie-Eater - a semi-gloomy Phyrexian who was exiled from Yawgie Bear's plane because of a tendency to cook pies instead of slaves, keeper of the Easy Bake Oven.

Emperor Cat - a feline warrior from the Cateran lands, has severe delusions about being the Cateran Emperor.

Spidey - minotaur first-mate of the Weatherlost, flies into uncontrollable rages when he fails his attempts at scaling the rigging and/or walls (which is ALL the time).

Purple Girl, Wizardess Inept - a cute adorable woman with short bouncy black hair, clad in rune-stitched robes of sable, training to be a full sorceress queen

007 Zadok - well-built man with a debonair smile and clad in a formal tuxedo, captain of the Weatherlost

Apollo - a normal young man with only two quirks, a fetish for all things avian and a pair of wings on his back, cabin boy of the Weatherlost

Snorelax the Sleepy - a dark figure with a most horrible curse ... insomnia.

<laughs> Nice cast and crew, don't you think? Reminds me of a certain ship crew in another Magic set... :D

<on the remnants of the Weatherlost cabin, loud voices are raised in an argument ... camera zooms in to find...>

Cat - Tree-hugger!

PPE - Paid assassin!

Cat - Pondscum!

PPE - Spreading Algae!

Cat - Ooohhhh ... <ears twitching> How dare you call me a lousy swamp-destroying enchantment ... you, you ... carrier pigeon!!!

PPE - Hah! Call me a lousy 1/1 white creature cantrip for four mana, huh! Ancient Hydra!!!

Cat - You asked for it, hippie scum! <grabs several pies from the nearby table and starts hurling them> This is for serving us pie day in and day out for four lousy months!!! <hurls a cream pie>

PPE (starts wiping the cream off his face with a grin) - Didn't you ever wonder why everyone got apple pie for breakfast and you got something else, Cat?

Cat - Come to think of it ... <puts down the pecan pie he was about to throw> That pie had a nice earthy flavor reminiscent of Llanowar... What was it, PPE?

PPE (evil grin) - Cowpie. <starts ducking the flurry of pies hurled by an irate Cat>

<meanwhile, below deck>

Spidey - I can do this... my honor depends on this. <impressive muscles bulge as he clenches his fists> I ... CAN ... DO ... THIS!!! <roars a battle-cry ... and starts trying to climb the walls>

Sleepy - Zzzzzzzz ... zgork. <looks up at the ridiculous sight of a seven foot tall minotaur trying to climb the wooden walls> Oh, Spidey. <yawns> Zadok's not even here and you're STILL climbing walls? <watches Spidey crash to the floor with a groan> Try to keep it down at least ... I need my sleeeeeppppp ... zzzzzz...

Spidey - SILENCE! Accursed scum! What do you know of minotaur honor!!! Darn, he's asleep. <glares at the walls again> @#$%&@**# wall!!! For my honor!!!


Yay. My centennial post. I figured I'd make it memorable by mocking ... aherm, spoofing the Weatherlight crew. Ummm ... if any of the named people here object to their being in the story, just tell me and I'll immediately replace you with a generic red-shirt. :D

'Till next time!

P.S. And yes, Apollo will eventually be named the Goblin Boob ... if the story ever gets that far. :D
 
P

Phyrexian Pie-Eater

Guest
Here I am a cook! My mom's friends rule for odd quotes. Anyway, thanks for putting me in the story. You people think the Legacy is good, Wait till you get ahold of my oven:):p
 
P

Purple_jester

Guest
Nice story so far Whimsical, but I have a few protests. I am NOT incompetent. I just managed my first transmogrification last week. I managed to transform my pet beeble into a Thrashing Wumpus.

<GUEST: Which, like a beeble, then proceeded to destroy the houshold appliances of every house within a 2 kilometer radius.>

Err. Thanks a lot. ;)
 
D

Dark Horse

Guest
Hey where am I :( I can handle all the business with government institutions, and I have a horde of grumpa lumpas. (Moggs)

Grumpa Lumpa moggety mester
Dont transmute that semi-competent Jester

Oh by the way, I like the tree hugger part, but shouldnt that be Multanis consort?
 
Z

Zadok001

Guest
Brilliant as always, Whimsical! :) Of course, I am forced to have you committed now, but hey, all's fair, right? ([me] wonders if his partial quotes ever get their point across...[/me])

Keep it up! And keep it down, Spidey! :) You're so noisy!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top