Crapstorm: A New Game: Because... Why Not?

Discussion in 'Games Run By CPA Members' started by turgy22, Jun 10, 2012.

  1. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Melkor's Ghost skulks about the castle looking for a child to frighten. Seeing one approaching down the hallway, he leaps out, unleashing a bloodcurdling scream and using his ghostly powers to send chills down the child's spine. The kid looks up from his cellphone for a moment, seeming pretty nonplussed. "Hey look, a ghost," he says. Then he snaps a picture, shrugs and continues walking. Kids these days.

    Melkor's Ghost did, however, notice that the kid was wearing a t-shirt with a misprint on it. Melkor's Ghost feeds off the poor kid's T-error. Melkor's Ghost then heads down to the kitchen and finds an unopened can of Sorr-Os and a Dis Pear, which he consumes.

    Melkor's Ghost gains 50 fullness.
  2. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "Can I have a nice big serving of that hay we saw in the stables on the way in? I'm famished!"
  3. DarthFerret Evil Sith Weasel

    Along comes a 2 foot wide spider named Pete who tries to sit down beside Rokapoke and see whats in the bowl, notices that there is no bowl, pulls out his lightsabre hilt, fiddles with it, then puts it away with disgust.

    "Hello, has any one seen a young lady who goes by the name of Muffet? She has something of mine, and without it, I will never regain my connection with the dark side."

    As he waits for a response, he creates a cat's cradle with his webbing.
  4. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Ward orders dinner. There is no answer. He tries to order again. Still no answer. Frustrated, he heads down to the kitchen himself to find the castle chef loafing about. Ward steals the loaf and eats it.

    Meanwhile... Pikachu pokes about the kitchen, looking for something good. Suddenly, one of the servants spots him and shouts, "A RAT!" Thinking quick, Pikachu hides under the hat of one of the French chefs and somehow controls the chef to make food by pulling on his hair. Pikachu starts working on creating a marvelous souffle, but just when he's almost finished, he sneezes and electrocutes the chef by accident. For whatever reason, a fried french chef means that Pikachu eats french fries. It sounded funny in my head.

    Meanwhile... McGill finds his way to the stables and munches on hay until he's satisfied. A stableman spots him and shouts, "Hey!" McGill nods.

    Meanwhile... Pete goes looking for Mrs. Muffet (she's been married since they last met), but stops outside the room of the royal librarian. He overhears her speaking with the royal janitor about how she'd like to run away with him, but must find a way to trick her husband, the royal picture-hanger. Across the hall, the royal bartender is scheming with the royal astrologist about a way to bilk the king out of all his money by blaming the royal plumber, who happens to be at home playing poker, even though he called in sick to work. Disgusted by all the lies, Pete slowly backs away, but the royal accountant sees him and decides to blame him for all the missing pencils he had been stealing. Oh no! Pete is caught in a web of deceit! Luckily, being a spider, he quickly escapes, and folds up the web in his pouch (spiders have pouches, right?) since it might come in handy later. (P.S. Everything else in this story is completely irrelevant and should be ignored. The king doesn't care and neither should you.)

    Pete acquires a web of deceit.

    That evening, everyone sleeps well. The next morning, they wake up feeling refreshed and slightly less achy (those who were injured). The king invites the party to a royal breakfast of sausage and egg Hot Pockets, which magically brings all the adventurers back to 75 fullness and 75 energy (McGill's udders still hurt a bit). He then takes you all to the zoo and advances the plot:

    "Morning, travelers. I see there are five of you now. Super.

    "Now that you've stayed at my place, you need to get this job done. All this land beyond the zoo is our game preserve. It stretches out almost 10 miles east and 20 miles north from our present location. I'm almost positive that our escaped animals are hiding in there. However, I let any of the animals get hurt, even those on the preserve, which is why I'll be lending you all with special equipment for this quest. You can't use weapons, only these felt nets that are made especially for animal capturing. You will find that everything on the preserve, no matter how aggressive at first, will become completely docile when captured. It will also be much easier to catch things with these nets than using your weapons. Just trust me on this one. Once captured, some creatures can be used for things. Hopefully, you'll figure it out. I also have some of my men to assist you in some regions. You'll meet them in the preserve.

    "If you manage to return my escaped animals, I'll give you each 5 pounds (the official currency of Queens) per animal successfully captured. You can spend this money in the Queens mall or anywhere else that accepts them.

    "Finally, I just want to let you know that this quest might take more than a few hours to complete. The game preserve is pretty big. I'm giving you each a bag lunch in case you get hungry. Now don't come back to my castle until you have my animals. I can't stand moochers. Good luck!"

    The king's guards then open some huge gates and send you onto the preserve, closing the gates behind you. To the east lies a wooded region. To the north is a field. Farther north, you can see a flattened mountain rising in the distance.

    Everyone gains a bag lunch and a felt net.
  5. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Is everyone on vacation today? Or did the story get too confusing? I'll make things simple: you can go east or you can go north. If nobody cares, you can choose heads or tails. First one to call the coin flip gets a shiny nickel!
  6. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    Being one-half cattle, McGill isn't much of a decision maker. He's also got one head and one tail; therefore, he's not good at calling coin flips, either.

    "Where's Ward? He's been leading us so far..."
  7. DarthFerret Evil Sith Weasel

    Pete realizes that he has no tail, so calls for one so that he can fit in.
  8. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Tails it is! The party heads east.

    Pete acquires a shiny nickel.

    Everyone wanders east, through a mostly open region with little clumps of trees that form groves here and there. Great tracks are formed in the ground, as though a giant one-bladed plow came through and upturned the earth, forming a grid-like pattern on the land. The group wanders about, keeping an eye on the land about them, not quite sure what they're looking for. Suddenly, a voice calls out from behind a tree. There are two men, standing very still behind a large blue fir. They wave for the party to join them and one of them whispers as the group draws near.

    "I see you've made it to the Scored Wold. That's what we call this land. But for now we must be very quiet. We've spotted the male carrier pigeon in a patch of trees just ahead and we don't want to scare it away. We're trying to determine why it would have come this way and we also don't want to screw up the chance to catch it. Now, I suppose we'll just get out of the way and let you guys try to..."

    His words are interrupted, though, as a pack of vicious letter tiles descends upon the group. There are about a hundred tiles in all, each printed with a letter and small number in the corner, and they form a circle around you, blocking every possible escape. Before anyone can react, a group of seven letters charge at the group, one coming at each person. The letters attacking you are: P(3), H(4), O (1), L (1), E (1), and E(1). There's also a blank tile attacking Pete.

    One of the king's men looks toward the group and implores, "What should we do?"

    Day: 2
    Time: 10:00am


    You are fighting a herd of letter tiles.

    Status update
    Everyone loses 6 energy and 10 fullness from the travels.

    Safety Numbers
    Ward = 6
    Melkor's Ghost = 7
    Pikachu = 5
    McGill = 5
    Pete = 6
    King's man 1 = 6
    King's man 2 = 4

    The party is currently in the Scored Wold.
  9. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "I'll leave the word 'elope' alone, as I'm not the marryin' type..."

    McGill swings his gold violin at the H.
  10. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Careful, everyone. These letters are not to be trifled with.

    I do not recognize this particular font, so it may be difficult to ascertain their weakness...

    No, McGill! "Violin" doesn't even have an "H" in it. You're going to get yourself killed.

    Sophia, I forget, how do blank tiles...

    Ward, we don't have time for that. You're just going to have to eat your words. Well, letters in this case.

    What?

    The blank can be used as an "I."

    Oh, come on! I just ate. And it was a good breakfast too.

    Shut up and do your duty to protect the innocent from hostile graphemes.

    Maybe they can win this fight without my help. That spider has a...

    Do it!

    I hate you.

    Ward rams the butt of his shotgun into his own stomach, forcing himself to vomit up his breakfast.

    Open wide.

    Wild graphemes, you are in violation of the Glyph Distribution Act. Now get in my...

    ...piehole.

    Ward attacks the Scrabble tiles with his piehole.
  11. DarthFerret Evil Sith Weasel

    As Pete has eight eyes, eight legs, and spinnerettes, he realizes that the blank tile looks like a P, so attacks the H as well, as he is surrounded by the other PEOPLE.

    "This is not a fair fight, us arachnids are not known for our spelling techniques....
  12. turgy22 Nothing Special

    The king's men look at each other.

    "Oh no," one of them says. "This isn't quite how things are supposed to work."

    "It seems the king's instructions were misinterpreted," the other replies. "I suppose the clues to victory were a bit convoluted and got mixed up as the king can be a bit verbose."

    "How shall we correct this ill without seeming overly anal?"

    "Perhaps we should just lay out the instructions clearly?"

    "But won't they still get lost in our dialogue?"

    "It's a chance we'll have to take. Perhaps if they were underlined, they'd stick out more."

    "Good thinking. Now let's review what the king told us before we set out."

    "We can only use our nets on the game preserve. These are our only weapons for battle. What else?"

    "The nets are used to capture the 'game' animals. Once captured, the animals become docile and then we can use them."

    "Seems simple enough. Let's carry out the perceived instructions of these gentlefolk here and try to capture the tiles necessary to elope a piehole people!"

    "Ack! Too late! The letters are upon us. And piehole isn't in the dictionary. It's not a valid word. Argh!"

    Day: 2
    Time: 10:01am

    You are fighting a herd of letter tiles.

    Round 1
    The P tile attacks Ward, but gets too close to the H tile, making an "F" sound. It then completely Fs up its attack.
    The H tile attacks Melkor's Ghost, but feels haunted by Melkor's presence, dropping out and becoming aunted instead.
    The O tile attacks Pikachu. Pikachu thinks it's a zero and takes no damage.
    The L tile attacks McGill, but McGill tells him to go to L.
    The blank tile attacks Pete, landing squarely on the spider and squishing some of his insides out. Ouch, those blank tiles are tough!
    The E tiles attack the king's men, but both suffer from E-tile dysfunction and fail to hurt them.
    Ward catches the P tile in his net.
    Melkor's Ghost catches the H tile in his net.
    Pikachu catches the O tile in his net.
    McGill catches the L tile in his net.
    Pete catches the blank tile in his net.
    The king's men catch both E tiles in their nets.

    The captured letters regroup to form a group of PEOPLE an enormous PIEHOLE (Bingo!). The group of PEOPLE tramples enormous PIEHOLE chomps through the herd of letter tiles, forcing five As, four Es, six Is, two Os, two Us, two Rs, two Ss, two Ts, two Ns, an L, a D, a G, a P, an M, a C, a Y, an F, an H and a V to run away before getting stuck on a Z. Holy crap, that worked well! It seems ready to continue fighting if you can find a way to use it. In fact, it seems that you must find a way to use it.

    56 vicious letter tiles remain to fight. Seven new tiles step up to attack. They are: Z (10), A (1), O (1), N (1), J (8), L (1) and A (1). Seems like a tough group to work with.

    Status update
    Pete loses 3 life and takes 4 pain.
    Everyone loses 1 energy from the efforts of capturing the tiles.

    Safety Numbers
    Ward = 5
    Melkor's Ghost = 6
    Pikachu = 4
    McGill = 4
    Pete = 5
    King's man 1 = 5
    King's man 2 = 3

    The party is currently in the Game Preserve (the Scored Wold).
  13. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    Sorry, Friday was my normal day off and I took off Monday to go to NY with the family. And of course I'm off tomorrow for the 4th...

    "Pika!" Pikachu attempts to capture a tile, any tile, with his net.
  14. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Just an FYI update on the combat mechanics: In order to prevent battles going on forever, I modified the rules for the safety numbers. A character's safety number will be reduced by one every round in which they attempt a melee attack. Ranged attacks may or may not cause the number to go down and if anyone chooses not to attack, it will either stay the same or possibly go up.

    If a battle is running on auto-pilot and someone's getting hit too much, I'll pause for feedback.
  15. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "I want that Z -- helps me sleep soundly!"

    McGill goes after the Z with his violin net.
  16. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Ward grabs the king's men.

    Firstly, "piehole" is in the dictionary. It dates back to the eighteenth century as a term for an eyelet, usually in leather or cloth. The word was later used to refer to the mouth. Secondly, letters are not animals. Who ever heard of using nets to catch letters? The very idea...

    Ward, stop! No time for this. Some letters are animals.

    That is rather obscure...

    Quit complaining.

    Ward attempts to use his net to capture the zoa (Z-O-A).
  17. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Gah! I screwed up. Just checked the official online Scrabble dictionary and "piehole" is a valid word (curse you, dictionary.com!), making the previous turn much more effective for the group. As if things weren't confusing enough! I'm hoping to run the second round tonight. If I see any suggestions on what to do with captured letters, those will be targeted first and will automatically work for you once captured. Otherwise, they'll just take up room in your nets until you're prepared to unleash them.

    EDIT: And don't forget to make use of that piehole.
  18. DarthFerret Evil Sith Weasel

    Pete hides behind the piehole preparing to strike out with his net, realizes that he has an unfair advantage with woven objects, and projects the net (seemingly from the piehole) in hopes of acquiring a LOAN....

    "The Loan ranger strikes again, yet somehow I feel all aLOAN!"
  19. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Day: 2
    Time: 10:01am

    You are fighting a herd of letter tiles.

    Round 2

    The A tiles attack Ward and Melkor's Ghost. When they're next to each other, they can't help but scream. And then they get scared and fail to finish their attack.
    The O tile attacks Pikachu. Pikachu looks over at the N tile and takes no damage.
    The Z tile attacks McGill. It sounds like sawing wood. And it hurts like sawing legs. Ouch!
    The N tile attacks Pete. It bops him in the head. Ouch!
    The J tile attacks one of the king's men. He gets J-walked all over. Ouch!
    The L tile attacks the king's other man, but does no damage.
    Ward attempts to catch an A tile, but misses.
    Melkor's Ghost catches the other A tile in his net.
    Pikachu catches the O tile in his net.
    McGill catches the Z tile in his net.
    Pete catches the N tile in his net.
    The king's men catch the J and L tiles in their nets.

    The captured Z and A wrap around the O in PIEHOLE, forming an egg shape. Suddenly, the egg bursts and some ZOA scamper about, scaring off a Q tile, but getting failing to scare an X. Only one letter, but at least you don't have to deal with that Q.

    The L, O and N attempt to attach themselves to the ZOA's A. The L takes an elevated train to his spot. The A laughs as he nestles underneath the H. Unfortunately, the N feels very uncomfortable being situated next to an L. LH? No, that doesn't make any sense. The three letters hop back into their nets. There will be no LOAN for now.

    49 vicious letter tiles remain to fight. Six new tiles step up to attack, alongside the A (1). They are: X (8), A (1), R (1), E (1), T (1) and Y (4). Pikachu, Pete and the king's men are currently holding on to letter tiles in their nets and can not attack.

    Status update
    You have the following letters captured: ONJL
    McGill loses 2 life and take 9 pain.
    Pete loses 2 life and takes 6 pain.
    One of the king's men loses 4 life and takes 11 pain.
    Everyone loses 1 energy from the efforts of capturing the tiles.

    Safety Numbers
    Ward = 4
    Melkor's Ghost = 5
    Pikachu = 3
    McGill = 3
    Pete = 4
    King's man 1 = 4
    King's man 2 = 2

    The party is currently in the Game Preserve (the Scored Wold).
  20. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    I cannot make anything useful yet. Try capturing the "T" and we can give the remaining tiles a serious "jolt."

    Or if we can get even more, Ward could really use a "larynx" to go with his piehole...

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