Crapstorm: A New Game: Because... Why Not?

Discussion in 'Games Run By CPA Members' started by turgy22, Jun 10, 2012.

  1. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika pika." Pikachu doesn't have a preference, so waits for the rest to make a decision.
  2. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Electrodent? Clearly Pikachu is a lagomorph.

    What are you going to do, Ward? Prove that he doesn't have a baculum?

    No, you demented, unreliable firearm. There are much better ways of...

    And which path do we take to reach this king of Queens, oh great leader?

    The middle path is treacherous, and I detest treachery. I have dealt with theatrics before. We shall take the western path.
  3. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "I'm all for a trip west -- I don't want nothing to do with no drag queens out east. That sort of stuff has given me nothing but trouble."

    ... undoubtedly along with countless hours of expensive therapy.
  4. turgy22 Nothing Special

    The group takes the western road. You hike along for a good bit before coming upon the town. As you walk along the road, you observe that many of the buildings are merely wooden cut-outs made to look like a town. You decide not to investigate further, but continue on the road north until suddenly your path is blocked!

    From behind one of the fake buildings, a lady hops out in front of you. Her hair is frazzled, her lips are bright red and her eyes seem to glow in fury behind her poorly-applied makeup.

    "What the heck!" she yells. "Can't even stop to say 'hello'? You outsiders are all the same, thinking you're too good for us people of Queens. And now you come through my town, strutting around with your guns in your hands and your tails in the air and your udders sticking out and your bodies buried someplace else. Well, I've got problems you couldn't begin to understand. I wish I had a nice group of friends to walk me through town. But everyone I know is a total [girl dog] and they can't even sit down to hear about the things that bug me. Gah! I've reached my boiling point and I just can't take it any more!"

    With those words, she lashes out at you.

    Day: 1
    Time: 5:45 pm

    You are fighting a drama queen.

    Status Update
    All party members lose 3 energy and 5 fullness.

    The party is currently in Queens (the theater district).
  5. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    So you might say that you are "tired" of us?

    I don't get it.

    Ward clobbers the drama queen with his bicycle wheel.

    Oh.
  6. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    McGill swings his solid gold violin at the drama queen, yelling, "Shakespeare is overrated!"
  7. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika..." Pikachu is at first sad that the lady is upset that no one will listen to her, but that's no reason to lash out. Pikachu's mood changes to aggressive to help defend the others. "Piiikkaaaa!" and strikes with a Thunderbolt.
  8. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Day: 1
    Time: 5:46 pm

    You are fighting a drama queen.

    Round 1

    The drama queen attacks Melkor's Ghost. She strikes at him with a scepter, but the object passes through him without causing damage.
    Ward clobbers the drama queen with the wheel. Well actually he missed. Spoke too soon.
    McGill starts to swing his violin at the drama queen, but bows out at the last second.
    Pikachu calls forth a thunderbolt, but the thunder bolts in another direction, missing the queen altogether.

    Round 2
    The drama queen forgets Melkor's Ghost and kicks Pikachu's right leg, hurting him for 5 pain and 1 life.
    Ward smacks the drama queen with the wheel on her arm, spinning her around for 2 pain and 1 life.
    McGill hits the drama queen squarely, really hurting her feelings. Specifically, the feelings in her arm, causing her 10 pain and 2 life.
    Pikachu calls forth another thunderbolt, but it misses again. I guess this drama queen is more of a lightning rod.

    Round 3
    Hurt by McGill, the drama queen tries to claw him with her 2" press-on nails, but misses. Maybe her arm still hurts.
    Ward strikes with the wheel again, but strikes out.
    McGill lays a blow to her head with the violin, causing 9 pain and 2 life.
    Pikachu can't catch a break, as another thunderbolt goes astray, this time getting stuck in the clouds.

    Round 4
    The drama queen lashes out wildly and claws McGill's udders. Ouch! McGill takes 8 pain and loses 3 life.
    Ward tries to pop her with the wheel, but loses his balance and falls over.
    McGill smacks her torso with his violin, causing 5 pain and 2 life.
    Pikachu finally gets a thunderbolt to strike, nailing the drama queen for 11 pain and making her lose 3 life.


    Round 5
    The drama queen follows her last attack with another claw attack on McGill. The pain is udderly unbearable. McGill takes 9 pain and loses 4 life.
    Ward wheels himself around and hits the drama queen in the back. She takes 4 pain and loses 1 life.
    McGill hits her arm with his violin, causing 6 pain and 2 life.
    Pikachu unleashes another thunderbolt, hitting for 10 pain and taking 2 life.

    Round 6
    The drama queen staggers back in an attempt to better defend herself. She fails to do so, falling flat on her face and skinning her knee in the process.
    Ward smacks her with the bicycle wheel, causing 6 pain and dropping her remaining 4 life. I guess she should have saved the drama for her mama.

    Ward's leadership roll is a four. Everyone gains an extra point of experience. Hooray!

    Day: 1
    Time: 5:50 pm

    Status Update
    Ward and Sophia lose 6 energy from the attacks. They gain 7 experience.
    Pikachu loses 15 energy from the attacks. Pikachu takes 5 pain and loses 1 life. He gains 6 experience.
    McGill loses 10 energy from the attacks. He takes 20 pain and loses 7 life. He gains 9 experience.
    Melkor's Ghost gains 1 experience just for showing up.
    Drama queen takes 63 pain and loses 20 life.

    The party is currently in Queens (the theater district).
  9. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "I hate to be a party pooper, but I'm tired, sore, and hungry. What are the odds we can graze about here for a bit before moving on? Assuming, of course, that the drama queen was alone..."
  10. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika!" Pikachu agrees and uses Recharge to get him back on his feet, so to speak, after all of that casting.
  11. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Things seem pretty quiet right now and no party member can detect any danger. It seems as though all the commotion scared away the other drama queens (as well as any other dangers that might lurk in this area.) Resting for a bit seems wise, though waiting too long may bring on another attack. It will begin to get dark in about two hours and you sense that you don't want to be here in the dark.

    The Queens Castle is now barely visible atop a hill northeast of your present location. You estimate that the party could arrive there in a little over an hour. Your current location has nothing to graze on, but the land gets greener if you continue toward the castle.

    Pikachu uses Recharge to give himself a temporary energy boost. He gains 25 energy (good for one hour).
  12. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Let us press on. If time permits, there will be an extended recess for grazing and allowing sore muscles to recover. We are already so deep into the theater district that we may be unable to avoid a matinée. If there are further unforeseen delays, it is possible that we could be stuck here when night falls. We do not want to see a dark comedy.

    You missed three times!

    Drama queens are surprisingly dextrous...

    What about face-eating zombies? Why is it that only the things you happen to attack are surprisingly dextrous?
  13. turgy22 Nothing Special

    The group travels on without incident until they reach the base of the hill where the castle is located. The castle here is surrounded by a 14' high ornate wrought-iron fence. The gate is closed. Two heavily-armored guards stand just outside the gate, looking warily at the party, but not moving until you come close. As you pause before the gate, one of the guards speaks up.

    "Yoush don't look like yer from around here. Pleashe shtate your bishnish being at the kingsh cashel."

    Day 1
    Time: 7:15 pm

    Updates
    All party members lose 5 energy and 8 fullness from the remaining travels. Everyone is quite hungry at this point and Pikachu is very tired.
  14. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "Who wants to eat some of that crazy chicken that Pikachu cooked up for us earlier? This ranch dressing I've got is starting to get a little gamy, but it should still hold for one meal."

    McGill digs into some chicken, dipping liberally in his ranch dressing.

    "Anybody mind if I double dip?"

    He asked this as if he hadn't already finished a piece of chicken (double dipping throughout) already.
  15. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    I am Agent Ward Bashenthal: Grammar Police. Animal Control has received reports of a recent large-scale animal escape event occurring here. Since they are currently understaffed, Animal Control requisitioned me to travel here and, if possible, recapture the offending fauna. I have been instructed to meet with the king to discuss the situation. These are my assistants. McGill is well versed in animal behavioral patterns, being part animal himself. Pikachu is a well-trained hunting lagomorph. The ghost, um, is an excellent scout.
  16. turgy22 Nothing Special

    McGill eats a tender crispy thigh with ranch. He gains 15 fullness.

    The guard raises an eyebrow at the explanation then calls to some guards on the inside of the gate.

    "Theesh travelersh have come to reshcue the aminalsh. Eshcort them to the king immediately!"

    The gate creaks open slowly and two more guards come and lead you up a path to the castle. Inside, you are brought to a large chamber where a heavyset man sits back in a recliner-throne, watching television on a 30' HD TV on the opposite wall. One of the escorts approaches him and whispers into his ear. The man swivels his throne to face your group and calls out.

    "Greetings, travelers! I am King James: the King of Queens, Keeper of the Zoo and Guardian of the Mall. You can call me Kevin.

    "Chester here tells me that you are volunteering to capture the animals that have escaped from our zoo. We've had quite a bit of trouble tracking them down and capturing them ourselves, so perhaps some outsiders would have better luck than us. Allow me to explain the situation.

    "Four days ago, I noticed that three animals had gone missing from their cages and habitats. The first is our male carrier pigeon, a first-class male carrier pigeon, if there ever was one. He could carry a male 200 yards before inevitable dropping him, and it was always fun to watch the various males splatter on the ground when they got dropped. The second is our monkey. He seems like an ordinary monkey, but this one was quite special, as he loved to throw feces around. I'd never seen a monkey that could hurl poop like that. He once splattered a dormedary right in the eye. That was a sight to behold! Though the scent leaved much to be desired. Finally, we are missing our checked zebra, one of a very rare species of zebra that evolved with squares instead of stripes. We actually found him trying to blend in with a tile floor in the castle bathroom when someone ran into him.

    "We believe that all the animals have escaped northeast and are hiding on our game preserve, which is situated just outside the zoo. It seems odd that exotic animals such as these would try to assimilate with common game, but I'm sure each one was simply looking for a comfortable environment. I fear the big game might harm them, and even my men aren't well-trained in dealing with such matters. Perhaps you'll have better luck.

    "Right now, though, it's getting late in the day and the game preserve is quite vast. You all are welcome to spend the night here to rest and eat and can then get started on this mission refreshed in the morning. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm missing my favorite show."

    One of the guards shows you where the kitchen is and where your rooms are located. Then he trots off and stands at the end of the hall.

    If anyone wants to order dinner, feel free to do so. The party will be eating breakfast in the morning and then getting extra instructions from the king. I'll get to that sometime either this weekend or Monday.
  17. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Ward will order dinner if it does not require funds to do so (I don't even know what the currency here is. Dollars? Bottle caps?).
  18. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Currency hasn't been introduced yet. Dinner, in this case, is free since you're doing work for the king.
  19. Melkor Active Member

    I shall feast upon the sorrow and despair of the living caused by the loss of their precious animals. Or if that proves insufficient, I shall find some poor kid and jump out at him from the closet and satiate myself with his terror.
  20. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    And with one post, Melkor's character has become ten times as badass.

Share This Page