Maybe I should change mah nick into "Story Slave"? <laughs> Anyways. Thanks for bearing with mah erratic sense of creativity. No more burning of dresses, Apollo dearie! It's a pain to find comfy clothing nowadays.
Have I gotten everyone's attention? Stop bashing DW, guys! Okay. Settle down, grab a box of popcorn ... as Whimisical productions presents!
EVEN MORE WEATHERLOST (by popular, not to mention violent audience demand)!
<when we last left the intrepid crew of the Weatherlost>
Purple (hiking up her robes and running): Ever notice that the pauses in between episodes get longer and longer?
Spidey (hiking up his, er, loincloth and running beside Purple): I noticed. At least we didn’t get any dust on us this time around.
Purple: Because we’ve been running this whole time!
Spidey: YOU got us into this mess by summoning that thing Man was not Meant to Know or Even Associate With!
Purple: Well you just ADDED to the entire thing by summoning ANOTHER Thing Man was not Meant to Know or Even Associate With!
Spidey: On a side note… who’s paying for the upkeep of these things? There are three of them!
Purple: Good question. <pulls out a binder of Weatherlost trading cards and starts riffling through it> Hmm. None of us are even SUPPOSED to be capable of summoning those things.
Spidey: Really? Let me look at that. <looks over the crew cards> Hmm. The closest we’ve got is you.
Purple: And I’ve got a clause that says I can’t bring into play anything remotely useful… <sighs>
Spidey: No bloody wonder you’re called a Sorceress Inept.
Purple: And who saved our collective keisters many many episodes ago?
Spidey: Um, me?
Purple: Try again, hamburger head.
Spidey: I remember Apollo getting us out of that Island of the Tropical Bird Maidens jam a few episodes ago…
Purple: Only because we threatened to sic him on them all if they didn’t hand over all their money…
Spidey: Good point. Er, Cat? PPE? The captain? Sleepy? It can’t be Mindi or the clockwork gnomes! Hmm. That’s the entire crew already.
Purple (glares at him): Jeez! I was talking about me!
Spidey: We were?
Purple: Why you! <stops to point a finger at Spidey, a light purple haze surrounding her> Vertigo!
Spidey: Oh, no. <scenery starts twisting in a nauseatingly familiar flashy-backy pattern> Not again…
<scenery unblurs to reveal a Weatherlost tossing and turning in a storm-lashed sea, camera zooms to the main deck of the ship where we find…>
Apollo (holding on desperately to the ship’s wheel): Captain! The ship won’t hold! She’s breaking up!!!
Zadok: I said give me warp 9 and I meant it, Ensign!
Apollo: But I’m only a cabin boy.
Zadok: Your point?
Apollo: We can barely make three knots with this leaky tub, much less warp 9.
Zadok: Oh. Give me three knots then, cabin boy! Engage!
Apollo: But captain! We’re both guys! What you’re proposing is illegal in 47 states!
Zadok: What I meant was … oh, never mind! Give me the wheel!
Apollo: <hands the wheel over>
Zadok: <looks at the detached wheel in horror> What about steering?!
Apollo: Captain! We have no cattle on board, sir! <gives a sly grin> And besides … bestiality is also illegal in most states too.
Zadok: Then give me a screwdriver! I have to fix this!
Apollo: <hands over a glass of vodka and orange juice> Stirred, not shaken.
Zadok (eyes rolling up in dismay): Help me…
<inside the captain’s cabin, we find…>
Purple (poring over maps and charts with a worried frown>: How’d the beebles did we get into the Sea of Storms? Who the beebles is the beeble-brained navigator here?!
Spidey: Uh, Purple. You’re offending the navigator. <points to a gloomy looking beeble sitting in a corner, piloting the ship>
Cat: We to change course NOW! We’re going to crash into the … <squints at the map> The Area of the Sea Full of Sharp Pointy Things That Have Sunk Many Many Ships Already!!!
PPE: Anybody for some pie?
Purple, Spidey, Cat: No!!!
Spidey: But we can’t change course! The navigation <nods to the gloomy beeble> is malfunctioning!
Cat: We’ve already lost all of our disposable non-CPA crew members trying to remove it!
PPE: Pie anyone? Last chance … it’s a pecan pie!
Purple, Spidey, Cat: No!!!
Purple (cracking knuckles): I guess I have no choice now. I’m going to have to blow the navigation.
Spidey, Cat, PPE (looking at her with wide eyes): Really? Lucky beeble… <all three stare at the now widely-smiling beeble>
Purple: I didn’t mean it that way! I meant to say I was going to have to bang it to produce results!!!
Cat: Ever seen a beeble/sorceress half-breed?
PPE: I didn’t even think it was possible…
Spidey: Guess we’ll find out in 9 months. <turns to a fuming Purple> Er, do you need privacy for that?
Purple (face going from bright red to a nice shade of purplish-red): You, you, you …. YOU PERVERTS!!!
Cat: Exit, stage left. <moves quickly out the door>
PPE: Exit, stage right. <follows Cat with a grin>
Spidey: Tell us all about it, eh Purple? <ducks a flurry of small, hard items> Hehehehehehehehehe. <ducks Zadok’s bed and quickly slams the door shut>
<30 seconds later, after several bright flashes and much groaning coming from the captain’s cabin … the door is flung open by a flustered Purple>
Spidey: Over so soon?
Cat (shaking head sadly): Those beebles. Absolutely no endurance whatsover.
Purple: YOU PERVERTS! It’s not what you think! I gated the danged thing out already! We can steer nowwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!
Spidey (look of amusement on face): You … ejected it?
Purple: Darn right!
Cat (wide grin on face): Oooooooh. Then that means that the beeble…
PPE (same wide grin): The beeble had a premature ejection….
Purple: PERVERTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
<scenery blurs in that same nauseating pattern, unblurring back to the present>
Spidey: Oh. That’s right. The beeble. Hehehehehehehehehe.
Purple: PERVERT!!! <stomp, stomp, stomp>
Spidey: Hey! Who’s the cloaked figure in the broad-brimmed hat facing the Cosmic Horrors? Ow, ow, ow! I hate your spiked heels!!! Ow, ow, ow!
Purple: PERVERT!!! <keeps on stomping>
<zooming over to the aforementioned cloaked figure in the broad-brimmed hat>
Figure: <draws self up importantly, speaking in a stentorian voice to the three slithering Horrors> I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the bubblegum that keeps getting stuck in your, er, appendages! I am…
Start guessing, folks! ‘Till next time, y’all!