Linux Troubleshooting Storm: A New Beginning (from the makers of Crapstorm)

Discussion in 'Games Run By CPA Members' started by turgy22, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pikaaaaa!" Pikachu charges up a Thunderbolt and zaps the last soldier.
  2. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    McGill, though not unsympathetic regarding sleeping limbs, attacks the remaining foot soldier with his gold violin.
  3. turgy22 Nothing Special

    "Cauldronnnnnnn!" the P2E translator says.

    Pikachu and McGill simultaneously attack the remaining soldier. Pikachu's Thunderbolt arrives first, frying the soldier dead. McGill ceases his attack just in time to prevent himself from tripping over his own feet and hurting himself.
    Pete, Ward and Sophia reach the ground.

    The battle is over! Everyone gains 20 experience, except Melkor's Ghost, who gains none, and McGill who gains 30.

    With the hubbub of the melee over, Bernie and another elf exit from the tree cheering.
    "Thank you for your help, travelers! Aha, a clue." Bernie catches sight of one of the tarsal parcels, picks it up, and begins groping it.
    "Yes, I believe information on the source of the attacks can be found in these." He collects the others that have fallen out and bundles them into the arms of the other elf and then heads back toward the door of the tree. "Come, my friends. I must study these inside. Please bring more if you have any. You'll have time to rest and heal while I try to decipher what they mean."
  4. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika pikaaaaa" Pikachi follows Bernie.
  5. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "Are we still following these elves? How big is this tree, anyway?"
  6. turgy22 Nothing Special

    No. You followed the elves into the tree and have been standing around staring at each other awkwardly for a while now. Or perhaps you traveled through a time warp that sent you into next week. Yeah, that's it.
  7. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika!" Pikachu rests and heals.
  8. turgy22 Nothing Special

    The P2E translator pipes up, "Can you tell us about Dr. Swol while we rest?!"

    "Good question, Pikachu," replies Bernie. "I'm glad you asked. But first I must warn you that the things I'm about to say might not be consistent with anything I've previously said about Dr. Swol. I can't remember what I said earlier and don't feel like going back to find out. Continuity errors are to be expected in this world.

    "The tale of Dr. Swol begins a long time ago here in this very tree. At the time, he was known as Dr. Sole and he was a young and optimistic podiatrist who came to work with us to create comfortable quality footwares (or footwear, as we now call it). While we had a long tradition of creating comfort through our shoes, Dr. Sole became increasingly insistent on using unnatural means in order to create additional comfort. Instead of putting the comfort into the shoe, he intended to create inserts and pads that contained strange powders and gels that he would concoct in his laboratory. He would try to sneak them into our shoes and eventually we had no choice but to boot him from our tree. The doctor became bitter and continued to obsess over his creations. But as long as we were making our shoes, no one needed what he had to offer. So he turned to the forces of darkness in an attempt to shut us down. It is said that he wandered the Backwoods for many months, searching for an answer. Then one day, he was inspired to search for the ancient Shards of Silica, which I will tell you about now.

    "Many thousands of years ago, when the great flood ravaged the world, the Magic Wizard imbued a crystalline stone with the power to consume the flood. However, as the water dried from the land, it also dried from his brain. Once the land was clear again, the Magic Wizard tried to stop the detrimental effects from killing him. So he broke the stone into two pieces that we now call the Shards of Silica. He didn't know at first that the powers changed at the moment the stone broke in two. One shard fell down and landed at his feet (he called this the Foot Shard). It contained great inexplicable powers that weren't completely understood at the time. The other shard flew up and hit him in the head (he called this the Head Shard). This shard had no powers, except that it would constantly drain the mind of its wielder until they died. The Magic Wizard rightly didn't like this shard, so he buried it deep in the ground of what we now call the Backwoods. Soon, though, he discovered that the Foot Shard had no powers unless combined with the draining capabilities of the Head Shard. He decided it best to forever separate the two shards, so he traveled around the world, across three oceans and trekked over many miles of land until he came into a deep forest, where he buried the Foot Shard. Because he was really old and blind at this point, he didn't realize that he had literally traveled all the way around the world and buried the second shard no more than 3 feet from the first. Then he died.

    "Well Dr. Sole found the shards and used the foot powers to create an army of minions. Little did he know that the shard also was stealing his sole, taking power over him and making his hate and anger swollen. Thus he became what he is today. However, power alone was not enough for him.

    "For many years, we had a statue of St. Hubbins in front of our tree. It inspired us to work diligently and meticulously in order to create the best shoes in the world. But Dr. Swol believed it contained magical properties. He believed that by combining the power of the statue with the power of his shards, he could become the most renowned foot comfort provider in the world and shut us down forever. His soldiers came in the middle of the night and carried the statue away back to his lair. Of course, that didn't stop us from working, but I will admit that our quality declined and he began to rise to prominence.

    "For many years, we continued to work in peace. But recently, I believe that Dr. Swol has realized that as long as we have our tree to live in and work in, that we will continue to thrive and continue to threaten his stranglehold on foot comfort. So now he has sent more soldiers to destroy our tree."

    Bernie turns his attention toward the tarsal parcels he's holding. "Now," he says, "let's see what we have here."

    Bernie uses his cobblering knife (not to be confused with a clobbering knife, which actually tends to do more cutting than clobbering, but that's beside the point) to cut open all the packages (I'm assuming that McGill voluntarily gave up the ones in his possession) whereupon a small bone falls out of each package. Bernie eyes the bones with wonderment and a sense of knowing and arranges them in a strange pattern that apparently only he can discern the meaning behind. He then tells the group that they must travel far to the south to find the lair of Dr. Swol. He believes the most direct route is to travel south by south west, but he can't tell for sure. He advises you to travel toward the highest concentration of foot soldiers and Dr. Swol's lair should be found nearby.

    "Beware, though, for the doctor is very powerful, perhaps too powerful for you to fight alone. It would be best if you could sneak into his lair and steal the Foot Shard from which he derives his power. Once powerless, he should be forced to leave us alone."

    Because the journey is at least a day away, by foot, the Cobbler elves provide enough Cobbler cookies to last the entire trip, as well as a pair of Uggly Boots for each party member (except Pete, who gets four pairs).

    Also, all your baby dice are rattling.
  9. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika!" Pikachu feeds his baby dice while waiting for the rest of the party to get their act together.
  10. DarthFerret Evil Sith Weasel

    pete will also feed his baby dice, after which he will check his pack for any excrement from the dice. (they eat, do they not excrete?)
  11. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Pete's baby die made a number 2 in his pack.

    Vegetable consumption will be posted tomorrow.
  12. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Assuming everyone will be feeding their baby dice...
    Ward's die eats 1 serving.
    Melkor's Ghost's die eats 4 servings.
    Pikachu's die eats 5 servings.
    McGill's die eats 1 serving.
    Pete's die eats 1 serving.
  13. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Our attempts at stealth will only be impeded by your newfound luminescence, Sophia.

    Ward removes Sophia's "glowing" affixation. Sophia is now a granite gargoyle that is not glowing. He then tries on his new boots and begins herding the party in a southerly direction.
  14. turgy22 Nothing Special

    The group starts heading south.
  15. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika." Pikachu tries on his pair of Uggly boots and heads south with everyone.
  16. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    McGill, unsurprisingly, is readily herded southwards.
  17. turgy22 Nothing Special

    The group travels south uneventfully for a full day, stopping to rest when necessary and munching on their Cobbler Cookie rations as they go. As the sun comes up on Day 6, everyone's baby dice start rattling up another storm. The group stops to feed the dice, so that the rattling will not attract any unwanted attention.
    Ward's die eats 1 serving of dice vegetables.
    Melkor's Ghost's die eats 1 serving.
    Pikachu's die eats 4 servings.
    McGill's die eats 5 servings.
    Pete's die eats 3 servings.

    The party travels through the Backwoods for another six hours without incident, when the wind shifts and a strong odor of feet wafts in from the southwest. The group continues in that direction until they come in sight of a compound in the middle of the woods. The only thing visible to the group is a high wooden wall, which stretches for hundreds of feet around, curving oddly in and out. As the group observes the wall, a ten-foot section opens inward with a great creaking sound and a pair of foot soldiers step out and begin to march around the perimeter of the wall. Further inspection of the gate area reveals a pair of frog-like metal statues sitting silently outside the wall. Another pair of foot soldiers comes around the far side of the wall and passes between the statues before entering the gate, which then shuts behind them.

    As the group ponders their next move, they realize that all their wounds are healed and their energy is restored.
  18. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika" Pikachu whispers as he waits for a plan from the others.
  19. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    "Did anybody notice how much time passed between the first soldiers leaving the gate and the other soldiers appearing?"
  20. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    It is apparently inadvisable to face Dr. Swol in a direct confrontation. However, it might be difficult for all five of us...

    Seven: Me, you, Melkor's ghost, McGill, Pikachu, Pete, and Repete.

    ...to sneak in and find those Shards.

    Just the Foot Shard. We don't need the Head Shard.

    Melkor's ghost can probably pass through the outer wall. If Pikachu cannot scale the wall himself, Pete can probably raise him over it using his webbing. Once the infiltration has begun, McGill and I, being larger and heavier, can create a distraction by making a show of trying to force our way in. If I know Dr. Swol...

    ...which you don't.

    ...he will send almost all of his henchmen to deal with our intrusion, leaving the rest of you free to conduct your search unhindered by foot soldiers.

    Unless Ward is wrong.

    I am open to other proposals.

    Ward readies his banjo.

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