Linux Troubleshooting Storm: A New Beginning (from the makers of Crapstorm)

Discussion in 'Games Run By CPA Members' started by turgy22, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Ward charges the soldier. Sophia tries to distract this opponent.

    Look behind you: it's a plantar surface!
  2. turgy22 Nothing Special

    P2E: "Avast, ye mateys!"

    McGill ponders his situation for a moment. He decides that he has enough self-control not to bite at his leg wound and turns his Elizabethan collar into rags. He splashes some bidet water on his wounds and wraps them in the newly-acquired rags. His wounds don't hurt so bad, but they'll still need time to heal.

    Meanwhile, high in the tree...
    The foot soldier lunges hard at Pete. Pete shields himself from the attack, but slips off his perch, and only maintains his hold on the tree from his recently-constructed safety line. He is unable to strike back.
    Ward charges into the soldier, knocking him against the trunk of the tree for a loss of 3 life. He seems unaffected by the talking goat.

    The soldier swings his sword around at Ward, but can't get a hit in.
    Ward charges a second time, thumping the soldier squarely and causing him to waver.
    Just then, Pete swings around on his web line and nudges the soldier off the branch, where he falls down, down, down to the ground, hitting 7 branches on the way. He's quite dead upon impact.

    Pete hops back on to a branch beside Ward and Sophia, when a sudden huge gust of wind rattles through the tree, shaking it violently. Pete and Sophia steady Ward and soon they see one, two, three, four, five foot soldiers fall from higher elevations in the tree, respectively hitting 12, 11, 10, 18 and 18 branches on the way down. All of the soldiers land hard at the base of the tree. All are alive, but dazed.
  3. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    How many foot soldiers did we kill before the gust of wind?

    McGill shouts out, "Arr, it be rainin' pirates! Shiver me timbers!" He then attacks the nearest dazed foot soldier with his trusty gold violin.
  4. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Five soldiers are dead. Basically, I hastened up the battle by blowing all the remaining soldiers out of the tree.
  5. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    Hooray!

    Also, I'm convinced there's a really distasteful joke to be made about that...
  6. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Hey, can you hear me down there? How is the weather?
    It's a bit windy up here, but we've got some silk for a tether.
    So sit back, relax and enjoy the show.
    I'll spin mad rhymes while Pete spins web and the DJ P2E spins a soundtrack that really is incomprehensible altogether.
    These soldiers drop like a foot that has just been put down because I've had enough of this and meanwhile we float like a feather.
    I cannot be stopped. Three. Two. One. Go!

    You want to besiege some poor cobblers and I just can't feel you.
    Sticks and branches break your bones, but fools, my words aren't going to heel you.
    I surmise that there might be some surprise that you would meet your demise at the hooves of a talking goat.
    But it would behoof you to pay attention in this backwoods milieu.
    If you can't improvise and retrofit what you have for some sort of solution, then these wards will kill you.
    My complete superiority and your inferiority now that you've made yourselves the treetop minority adds up to the reason that I can gloat.

    I'm opening a canopy of whoopass all over these trees.
    You call yourselves athletic, but this windfall reveals that you're really pathetic.
    I'm still up here, so now we know that everyone sees.
    All the elves, semornilap horrors, and electrodents can see. And everyone in these backwoods is rooting for me!
    So drop one more time: this goat is going to teach you to bleat on your knees.

    Your doom is underfoot and it chlorophylls you with dread.
    There's a mobile pun turret in the undergrowth that says, like Melkor's ghost, you are already dead.
    You can knot win this fight. Ain't that a kick in the head?
    Rhyming death from above in the foliage + grounded pun barrage combo? Oh yes, that is what she said.
    If you think we might let you goat, you're barking up the wrong tree. I ashoe you that's not the way it's going to be. We're putting you in the cold ground and putting this siege to bed.
    You lot are fake and we're totally arboreal, so that's where this has led.

    Your foot powder bombs are out of stylem and my rhymes are still phloem.
    Your attacks are herribaly ineffective. We already know 'em.
    So shakedown, dropout, and we'll snap you, like twigs, with ease.
    Just like we defeated your comrades, beating you will be a breeze.
    This branch of the battle is done. This is the point to which all of it has built.
    So make like a bunch of fallen leaves. Go on, fake ninjas: wilt.
    Don't look down. Krang your necks to look up at me. It's not like you're going to get any deader.
    You disgraces to the foot clan, I'm putting you through the Shredder.
    What's the matter? Fell out of the tree and got a Splinter?
    Hold, be Rocksteady, your mobile wordplay doom is upon you hinter.
    You sealed your fate as soon as you spurned shoes and decided that they were something to doff.
    So hurry up and die. Don't make me come down there to finish you off!
  7. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    Nice!

    "Pika pika!" Pikachu jumps in the "middle" of the soldiers and swings his Iron Tail in a circle, basically trying to catch/sweep/hit as many as he can.
  8. DarthFerret Evil Sith Weasel

    petewill fashion some type of harness for his tree-mates, and will lower himself and them to th ground carefully.
  9. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    I'm thinking someone should search the upper levels of the tree in case the athletic foot soldiers left anything there that didn't get knocked out of the tree when they fell...
  10. turgy22 Nothing Special

    Pete and Ward think about checking out the top of the tree, but something tells them there’s nothing left up there. They begin to descend.

    One the ground, McGill acts first, leaping at the nearest fallen foot soldier with his violin. The instrument smacks the soldier in the rib cage, breaking 7 ribs.

    Pikachu leaps in between three foot soldiers. "Unleash curling iron!" shouts his translator. He pauses for a moment, shocked that the translator was almost somewhat accurate. Maybe. He continues his spin move, hitting one soldier, then missing the next and then hitting himself instead of the third.

    Melkor stands around. The soldiers are unaffected.

    The turret revs up. It starts to get hot.
    It detects bad puns, so it's gonna take a shot.
    It's never been programmed to respond to rhyme.
    But for some reason it feeds on it this time.

    It hears a heel and behoof and fires two rounds.
    One hits a soldier the other hits the ground.

    Next come the wards from the forest canopy.
    Another hits the mark. The other hits a tree.

    What happens with semornilap? There’s just no telling.
    That’s not a bad pun; it’s just a misspelling.

    A reversal of fortune when the bleat comes down the line.
    A powerful round hits a soldier in the spine.
    He lets out a shriek and lays down dead.
    His package comes out floating in a pool of red.

    Did the chlorophyll knot make them green with envy?
    A barking goat ashoe starts a firing frenzy.
    Five rounds release. Only two of them hit.
    Every wound to a soldier helps a little bit.

    Keeping it arboreal, the turret shows another flash.
    But it flies astray and hits the forest in the ash.

    The xylem lost its stylem and the phloem’s in the loam.
    The turret torrent doesn’t slow it hits one in the dome.
    The soldier falls like autumn calls and turns red like the leaves.
    A trickle down his broken crown, the soldier quickly bleeds.

    Three remain of ten to start.
    The turret preps for another mark.

    A herribaly bad pun is almost worth ignoring,
    But the turret loves that crap and keeps the bullets pouring.
    A snap, the breeze, a branch, the leaves; the puns they keep on coming.
    Six more shots and four more hits, the turret keeps on humming.

    Three soldiers badly wounded feel their day is almost done
    When things are suddenly halted by a ninja turtle pun.
    So close to being over and the soldiers all defeated,
    The turret stops. It’s done too much. The damn thing overheated.
    Oversoul and rokapoke like this.
  11. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    McGill, suddenly inspired, shouts out the following haiku:

    "Poets among us
    Rhyming verses left and right;
    I can't rhyme for %@$&."
  12. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika pika!" Pikachu giggles for seemingly no reason.
  13. turgy22 Nothing Special

    A gentle sparrow,
    Delicate avian friend,
    Poops on McGill's head.

    P2E: "Lacking underpants"
  14. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    Oh good, you broke it.

    Nonsense. My computer has overheated dozens of times and it still works once it cools down.

    No, I am afraid that it is a lost cause. The machine is beyond repair. What a pity it is that we shall not hear talking animals delivering their horrible slam poetry every time we encounter some thugs.

    Next time I'll just let you get stabbed in the head again. We'll see how you like that.

    Yes, keep pouting, Sophia. Some of us have work to do.

    Ward searches for clues as to where the foot soldiers came from.
  15. Melkor Active Member

    Standing around is where I'm a lion.

    I'll head back up the tree and look around.
  16. turgy22 Nothing Special

    I just realized that the last two lines of my rhyming post are probably being misinterpreted. There are still three foot soldiers left alive. (They were close to being defeated when the turret shut down.)
  17. rokapoke Man Among Gods

    McGill again uses his trusty gold violin to assault the nearest foot soldier.
  18. Oversoul The Tentacled One

    While Pete is lowering them down in his web harness, Ward alliterates Sophia from a goat into a glowing granite gargoyle.

    Fortunately, most overworlders don't realize how delicious I am.
  19. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    "Pika!" Pikachu is indeed shocked to see three soldiers still moving, so he charges up an Energy Ball and rolls it into them ala bowling.
  20. turgy22 Nothing Special

    McGill winds up and delivers a hefty blow to the nearest fallen foot soldier. The force of the strike finishes him off.
    Pikachu charges up an energy ball and rolls it over to the remaining soldiers. It hits one of them in the leg, causing a tingling sensation, but doing no damage.
    Melkor's Ghost stands around. It seems to have no effect.

    The tingling soldier gears up to attack Pikachu, but instead walks around stomping his foot and muttering "oooo... pins and needles" to himself.
    The other soldier pulls out his sword and charges at Melkor's Ghost, but trips on a tree root and stabs himself in the face. He's dead.

    The two dead soldiers drop items. One living soldier remains.

    Pete, Ward and Sophia continue to descend. They've almost reached the ground.

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