*All theater lights go out... Sounds of commotion and a passing of gas(?!) can be heard up in the control booth and on stage...
a few seconds later a spot light comes on and a little yellow bird in a blue baseball cap and Kobe Bryant jersey takes the mic...*
"Hey, it's tark out there where I thawt I thaw some peoples... Are those peoples still there?"
"(from the darkness a whispered) yes..."
"Oh, Otay... As if you tidn't know, my name's Tweety and I'm here to inthrowduce Twain and his friends!"
*from the darkness behind Tweety...*
"Tweety, how many times do I have to tell you - it's train - not Twain!"
"Torry 'bout that Twain..."
"Nevermind, get on with it..."
"Enjoy the Thow folks!"
*the spotlight goes out on Tweety and the speakers' buzzing fills the auditorium... a spotlight opens up on a barely dressed Pop-Video vixen...*
(music sound) dee, dee-dee, dee-dee, dee-dee...
"Let's get it started, in here..."
"And the base keep runnin' runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and
runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and runnin', and..."
*train pulls a Milli Vanilli throughout the song and then takes the mic....*
"Thanks Peas!... and I'll see you at the after party Missy! (speaking to the vixen) - Yo Em! - you up Dawg..."
*Eminem walks out on stage and takes the mic... train prepares for chorus lyrics*
(beat begins...)
"Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, one moment, would you capture it, or just let it slip...
"(train pipes in for Chorus) You better lose yourself...
...
Thanks Em - Word Dawg - (the crowd can hear train whisper) I'm not sure if Mindy will be here this year, but if she is you'll know what I was talkin' 'bout..."
"Can the booth please drop the Disco Ball?..."
*ball lowers from ceiling*
"Thanks guys... and now - for my posse..."
*Speakers are turned up to maximum volume... brass poles pop-up at various parts along the aisle, strobe lights begin going... and a John Deere tractor pulls a longhorned convertible out onto the stage...*
"Dum de de dum, de de dum, de de dum, de de da da.
Dum de de dum, de de dum, de de dum, de da da, la la la.
*(music starts) a Marching band enters lead by a midget, a cowboy, 2 homecoming queens, and a group of scadily dressed-business women begin dancing around the brass poles...*
Well, I walk into the room passin' out hundred dollar bills.
*hundred dollar bills fall from the ceiling...*
An' it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grille.
An' I buy the bar a double round of Crown an' everybody's getting down,
An' this town ain't never gonna be the same.
*midgets run around passing out the crown...*
'Cause I saddle up my horse an' I ride into the city.
I make a lot of noise 'cause the girls, they are so pretty.
Ridin' up an' down Broadway on my old stud, Leroy.
And the girls say: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
Everybody says: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
Well, I don't give a dang about nothing: I'm singing an' bling-blinging,
While the girls are drinkin' long necks down!
An' I wouldn't trade ol' Leroy or my Chevrolet for your Escalade, or your freak parade:
I'm the only John Wayne left in this town.
An' I saddle up my horse an' I ride into the city.
I make a lot of noise 'cause the girls, they are so pretty.
Ridin' up an' down Broadway on my old stud, Leroy.
And the girls say: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
Everybody says: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
(Instrumental break)
"Well, I'm a thoroughbred."
That's what she said in the back of my truck bed,
As I was gettin' buzzed on suds, out on some back country road.
We where flyin' high, fine as wine,
Having ourselves a Big and Rich time
An' I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go.
But her evaluation of my cowboy reputation
Had me beggin' for salvation all night long.
So I took her out, gigging frogs,
Introduced her to my old bird dog
An' sang her every Wilie Nelson song I could think of.
An' we made love.
*midgets start nudging each other at the gigging frogs meaning*
An' I saddle up my horse an' I ride into the city.
I make a lot of noise 'cause the girls, they are so pretty.
Ridin' up an' down Broadway on my old stud, Leroy.
And the girls say: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
Everybody says: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
What? What?
"Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
Everybody says: "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
..."
*The business women each find a CPA member and make themselves comfortable sitting on their... deck boxes...?!...*
"Thanks Big, Thanks Rich, thanks Freak Parade...Well it's good to see everyone here for the ceremony... I hope you enjoyed the entertainment..."
*train drives the convertible off the stage and into the middle section of the theater... opens up the popcorn crate and begins settling in for the awards... business women all around him... smiling contently as he gets a big back rub...*
