2002 CPA Notable Awards

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Spiderman, Oct 22, 2002.

  1. EricBess Active Member

    "YJ, you stepped by. Good to see you. I guess I didn't realize my tux was so bright. I could get you one, too". Eric pushes a button on the remote and a door opens up from the side of the stage. A rod with several styles of white tuxes on it is produced.

    "Take your pick. On the house."
  2. Apollo Bird Boy


    *Apollo swoops down out of the rafters, landing on the shoulder of his favorite CPA geezer. He is so excited to see YJ that he manages to ignore the Pittsburgh stench and give him a big bird-hug.
  3. Ferret CPA Founder, Slacker

    Hey! Yellowjacket! Nice to see you again...It's like everyone is stopping in at this year's awar ceremony...perhaps, we should have a Lifetime Achievement Award...


    "...assuming any of us have 'Lives'"
  4. Notepad Seffy Sefro

    *was sleeping on the floor, causing a drool puddle which a few have slipped in but were too kind to mention*

    Holy crap, you mean I won something?

    Buttt i'm two lazie too uze ae psell schekkur.
    I guess I'll just have to put it up there with the last one...ALL THE WAY AT THE top of the screen (out of reach).

    ingeouy mey abd psellign!!!11

    *goes back to sleep with a sign on his back reminding those wearing high heels to please be considerate...back beginning to look like swiss cheese*
  5. train The Wildcard!!!...

    *Catches a glimpse of someone behind the curtain... according to everyone else it's the famed legend Yellowjacket!!!*

    *Get's kind of excited, even though they haven't met, and begins walking up towards the stage to shake the hand of a Legend... While on his way he places detour signs and orange cones around SeFRo, so no one else disturbs his drool puddle... Calmly walks up to Yellowjacket , who's standing in front of a rack of very nice Tuxedos, and introduces himself and asks to shake his hand, while at the same time stating, "Would you like some Coat(explanation for yellowjacket, just in case, "Coat" of arms, but currently used in place of Cocaine, I'm a Coat addict)? And see that beautiful woman out there(points to Almindhra), her name's Almindhra - and she hit on me!!! It's nice to meet you Yellowjacket!!!"*

    *Vows to himself, he'll never wash that hand again - though it's been a few years since the last time already!!!*

  6. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    Spidey stares open-mouthed at YJ's surprise appearance. So speechless is he that he nearly forgets the next award.

    "Holy moly! YJ! Good to see that you made it for the awards!

    Now, the next winner is keeping his title from last year. Known for big brain and able to overwhelm you with facts in a conversation, this year's Most Intelligent still goes to CHAOS TURTLE! You get Ransac's collection of silly toys to remind you to have some fun once in a while ;) "
  7. Killer Joe Active Member

    (YJ, staring at the rack of white tuxedo¡¦s, is reminded of a gentler, simpler time when Discotheques were abundant. BOOGIE-NIGHTS, bom-bum-bommmm, BOOGIE-NIGHTS bom-bum,¡K¡Krepeat et nausea)

    YJ: Yo, E.B. Do you have any white leisure suits instead?

    (¡K¡KBOOM!.....YJ is assaulted by a huge ¡§bird-token¡¨ that smells like OHIO!, yeech, the worst.)

    YJ: Hi ya, Apollo!

    (YJ enjoys a moment with his ol¡¦ friend. He looks over his shoulder for a second only to witness a TRUE LEGEND! ¡VFerret !)

    Yes, let¡¦s talk about a life-time ¡§achievement award¡¨, Ferret is certainly a candidate!

    (YJ then draws his attention to a present-time famous CPA member, TRAIN.)

    YJ: Hi Mr. Train, nice to meet you. Um, I noticed that you said something about Mindy to the effect of never washing your hands again. Brother, let me tell you, WASH YER HANDS A.S.A.P.!!!!!!!

    Hi, Mindy ļ played any Rachmaninov lately?

    (YJ gets teary eyed for a moment thinking of all the good times he¡¦s had here at the CPA and then, just as quickly as he appeared, he fades away into the dark, to hide for a while)
  8. Shiro Time Devourer I have returned!

    What happened to your keys, man? Check your text encoding.

    YJ: Long time no see. Most intelligent seems like something that'd be hard to judge.

    Train: Your masochism is puzzling.
  9. rkoelsch Angel Boy

    Wakes up. "whats happening? Got to remember to be more careful. Hey Yellowjacket, now that the Steelers have a real quarterback they might win a few games. But nice to see you anyways."

    Glares at Apollo and makes sure his foil angels are safely inside his coats inside breast pocket near his heart.


    "Oh and congrats to sefro and CT"
  10. EricBess Active Member

    "Leasure suits? No problem." Another button and the rack of suits is whisked away, along with train, who was standing a bit too close at the moment.

    A third button and a row of Leasure suits, specially talored to YJ's size.

    A while later, after everyone notices how quiet it has become, we all realize that train is missing. Eric thinks for a moment and punches up another button. A panel opens and a whisp of flame spews out, spitting out train.... "Oh well, so much for the coat rack."
  11. train The Wildcard!!!...

    "Man- It was dark, and scary, and smelled like Coats!!!!!! Glad to be back!!! What's that??? Hey - Congrats CT!!!!":D
  12. Almindhra Magic's Bitch

    *Before YJ can make his full getaway, Almindhra throws a giant spit wad into his eye....Why you ask?....Because she can...

    With a snap of her fingers her magic broom stick flies in and scoots under Train whisking him away to...um....a really faraway place....just to remind him that she never hit ON him*

    "Oh...and....congrats whoever won"

  13. Thallid Ice Cream Man 21sT CeNTuRy sChIZoId MaN

    ph33r the turtle.
    (I'm making him look even smarter.)

    Congratulations again.
  14. Apollo Bird Boy

    Hooray for CT! May he show up and acknowledge how much we love him...
  15. Ferret CPA Founder, Slacker

    Hooray for CT! I can easily understand this one.

    Thanks for the nod, YJ...it's always good to feel appreciated :)


    "...Now, Ally. Fight nice. Next thing we know, that broomstick might find itself going...well, let's not think about that :D..."
  16. Chaos Turtle Demiurgic CPA Member, Admin Assistant

    A hush falls over the assembled...

    (*sounds of pie throwing, bird dropping, and figer-pointing*)

    *ahem* I said a HUSH falls over the assembled...

    A mysterious mist billows from the air vents. Suddenly, everyone feels really [/i]nice[/i] and super-peaceful...

    Now that the hush has fallen...

    A pinprick of intrense white light appears over the podium, then stretches to become a razor-thin line of light (intensely white, natch) then widens to become an oval of unbearably bright white light (right?).

    Through the Portal steps...

    An orc?

    "Master?" it says.

    A voice from the Other Side of the Portal cries, "Warriors of the Night! Assemble!"

    "More work?" says the orc.

    A hand reaches from the Portal, grabs the orc, and drags him back through.

    "We're being attacked!" cries the orc.

    Sounds of battle emanate from the Portal. After a moment, another figure steps through. This one is dressed for battle in iridescent green body armor. His fearsome weapons... an optical mouse and a keyboard.

    He turns back to the Portal and shouts, "Just keep attacking! I'll be right back! And kill that freaking Priestess!" Then he turns back to face the audience, muttering something about "freekin' n00bs."

    He addresses the assembled:

    It is my great pleasure to stand before you today, your duly appointed genius three years running.

    A whisper from the audience: "I didn't vote for him. Did you?"

    Two Homeland Security Agents (Tweedledum and Tweedledee in their new jobs) appear, seize the offender, and drag him, screaming "Check the chads! Check the chads!" from the building.

    If I may continue...

    While it may be true -- in fact, one may be willing to concede that it is in fact true -- that there may be present those who are, shall we say, "technically" more intelligent than I, it is of course the perception held by the mob... that is, the public... that truly matters. As such, all you Harrison Bergeron wannabes can, shall I say, stick it where the sun does not shine.

    Of course, that statement does not apply to those who cast their ballots, shall we say, appropriately, ignoring the "facts" and going with their respective consciences.


    From the Portal: "Our Ally's Hero has fallen!"

    "FOINK!!! God doink it! Foinkin' n00bs! Can't I have just one minute to chat with my followers without you foinkheads falling to shoink!?"

    Yeah, look, like I was saying, thanks for the cool toys, you guys rock, et cetera, et cetera, see ya later, bye.

    The armored figure turns and steps through the Portal, parting with these words: "What the foink! You haven't even expanded yet!? Aurgh!"

    The Portal closes.

    As the Complacency Gas wears off, a member utters the unfortunate reark... "Who was that guy?"

    Two Homeland security Agents burst through the door...
  17. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    Spidey is the next to break the silence when everyone and thing calms down.

    "That's it! No more Homeland Security Agents! I don't see them on the guest list!

    Well! A surprise appearance from our elusive Chaos Turtle. He had RSVP'd with his regrets, but I guess he found time to make it (briefly) after all.

    Onto the next. Another repeat winner from last year, this fellow has gained acclaim for his ideas that WOTC might use in the future (you never know). But in the meantime, he shares them with us to make them more balanced and playable. This year's Best Homemade Card Designer goes to FOUNDATION OF RANCOR, once again! Your prize is to see your cards made into a set in the future! :p "
  18. Apollo Bird Boy

    As the homeland security agents drag Apollo away, the crowd can hear him wailing "No, wait! I didn't mean to insult CT! I voted for him! Really! And I'm important! I have a duty! A DUTY! The host has entrusted me! PLEEEASSE DON'T TAKE ME AWAYYYYY!!!"

    Suddenly, Train pops up in front of the agents with a sly wink and a whisper: "Want to buy some coat?"

    As the agents look at him bewilderdly, Apollo shouts "Look at him! He's selling drugs! That's far worse than whatever it was I certainly did not do! Take HIM away, not me!"

    Finally, sick of Apollo's screaming, the agents toss him aside and grab Train and carry him away to wherever it is agents like them take people like Train. I wouldn't know, for I have certainly never done anything illegal. ;)

    Getting up and brushing himself up, Apollo strides briskly to the stage. Suddenly, everybody notices that Spiderman has disappeared. "Oh, no!" shouts a voice in the back, shortly before he has been dragged away by various agents.

    Smiling, Apollo pulls an envelope from who-knows-where. "Ahem. Since our good host has been called away by... you know how old he is... well... *blushes* ...I'm afraid Spidey is having some bladder control issues. As such, he asked me to present this award for him." *reads carefully* "This is the friendiest and most helpfulest award. It goes to the person who has gone out of his way to make life easier for the other members and has always been welcoming... happy... kind... respectful... yadda yadda yadda. I suppose this is the goody-two-shoes award. Anywho, the award goes tooooooo..."

    Apollo grimaces as he tries to rip the envelope open with his talons. Finding himself unsuccesful, he starts chewing it with his beak, but succeeds only in creating many small holes. Finally, after 20 minutes of gnawing, during which the audience has fully lost attention, Apollo flips the envelope open. Though only about 2/3 of the letters aren't covered by holes, he manages to blurt out "...Spiderman! Yay! Your award is..." *looks around frantically* "...uhm.... some of my halloween candy! Hooray!"

    "Great, now we have to wait for him to get back from the bathroom to accept his bloody award..."
  19. Shiro Time Devourer I have returned!

    *Miranda, Early Riser finishes snacking and comes to where FoR is with open arms.*

    Miranda: Foundation! You are soooo cool. You deserve a hug!

    Shiro: Foundation, I'll say this: Your cards rock. Soon, however, I'll make UP live and official, then I'm in the clear.
  20. Jigglypuff Big Cute Pink Thing

    * Jigglypuff wakes up from his sleep again. *

    Congratulations, FoR! Will someone wake me up if I win an award?

    * Back to sleep. *

    (- Steve -)

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