Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Bob, Dec 27, 2000.
Okay, oure a womanizing ladie's man in Dairy land
Hey, will the forest end up being even remotely relevant??????
I'll finally post.
After DUke has been arrested, Ransac and Bob stare at each other.
Bob: Look, you CAN'T arrest me. I'm the king. I'm your father. And I have these.
Several troops appear behind Bob and smile. Ransac then thinks about it.
Ransac: I...........see your point. Then, what am I in charge of?
Bob: I thought you'd never ask.
Bob takes out a small scroll, which unravels to be miles long.
Bob: Your duties are: Running the beautification board, Supervising punishments, milking the royal cow, bathing the royal cow, walking, the royal cow, cleaning up after the royal cow, seeing that the royal cow doesn't eat my furniture or royal flowers, swearing in public appearences, doing the royal laundry, and getting the royal groceries.
Ransac think for a minute.
Ransac: couldn't I just Be in charge of cleaning up the land and nothing else?
Bob: <sigh> I suppose.
Ransac runs off to tend to his duty. Meanwhile DUke is in his own prison cell, which is a thirty feet deep, iron walled hole in the ground with no ceiling.
DUke: Why does this sort of thing always happen to me?
Several hours pass and DUke is wondering how he'll escape. Then, DUke overhears two voices, one apparently being Bob's.
Bob: Now, the only ones to relieve you from your post are me.........<sigh> and my son, the stinky one.
Guard: YES SIR!!
Bob: <sticking his finger in his ear> and don't scream like that again.
Guard: YES SIR!!
Bob walks away, leaving the guard by himself to guard DUke.
DUke: Hey!! Guard!!! I'll give you all of the gold you want if you let me out.
Guard: <looking in disgust> Around here we use Milk Duds, you plebian!! <puts a milk dud in his mouth>
DUke then waits until his sentence, which he doesn't know what it will be, to be carried out. Just then, the guard falls down the hole and dies.
Voice: HEY!!! UP HERE!!!!!!!
DUke looks up and sees Ransac.
Ransac: I'm going to help you get out of here!!!!!
Ransac: I'm in charge of cleaning up the land. This will help you get out.
Ransac then starts dumping mounds of trash in the hole. Eventually the mound gets so high that DUke can climb out.
DUke: Thanks, where's PJ.
Ransac; I'm almost afraid to tell you.
DUke looks in shock.
Take it away DUke or Bob!
DÛke: What do you MEAN you're afraid! You tell me, and you tell me right this instant of time!
Ransac: <Ooooook> Um...she's...she was captured by the Master!
DÛke: <LOL> Why would the Master want a poor little girl?
<DÛke and Ransac walk down the hallway, attempting to get out of the palace>
Ransac: Well...he's capturing everyone in the Techno Land...PJ happens to be one of them...
DÛke: Ok, we must go to Techno Land and save them...
Ransac: There's a slight problem in your stupid suggestion...the Techno Land is surrounded by the Masters troops, armies, and bad jokes...so you won't be able to get in that easily...
DÛke: Well, we need to find a way...you're a prince, right? I'm sure you have control over some of the...um...more IMPORTANT machines of destruction of your lands...right?
Ransac: Why...I think so...YOU know, you're right! I have access to the Milk Cannon!
DÛke: <WTF?> WELL...see THERE YOU GO! A...MILK <WTF?> Cannon? <WTF?>
Ransac: You don't seem too happy about it...maybe I should put you back in the cell...
DÛke: NO, NO! I'm happy, see...<smilies, vacantly>
Ransac: MUUUUUUUUUUUUCH better! I'll order the Milk Cannons to be prepared, we're invading your lands BOY! MUAHAHAHAH!
DÛke: Sure...yeah...whatever...just kill the Master...
<after 2 hours of preperations for the invasion>
Ransac appears from the Dairy Lands...backed up by many...MANY cows, and countless Milk Cannons...
DÛke, is nowhere to be seen...
Ransac stands where he is...
Ransac: <Pointing at Techno Land ahead> LET's start the Massacre...COWS! Wooooohooooooooooooo!
Cows and the Milk Cannons (powered by even more cows) slowly advance towards the Techno Lands, which were heavily guarded by the Master's troops...
Done, for now. Bob? Ransac?
Dakkon Blackblade steps from the crowd of Dark troops...
The Troops run forward with their weapons, and a few slaves bring in a superweapon!
Dak: The Sumbigunelsterfigulizatozatingmacranogrealsmarfeadia 2001!!!
Mua ha haaa!!
Dakkon grabs a slave and thros him into the Sumbigunelsterfigulizatozatingmacranogrealsmarfeadia 2001, and presses a button..
Slimy goo Paralyzes the cows, and ransac and DUke run.....into Bob...
Bob: How did DUke get out?!?!?!
Ransac: oh no, DUke escaped!!
DUke slaps Ransac: C'mon, tell him the truth
Ransac: The master destroyed our milk cannons!!!
Bob: f*** it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bob: Just retreat...we can take shelter in the forest....
As the 3 run through the countryside, Bob says to DUke: Listen if you help me stop the Master, i'll proclaim you innocent!!
Someone take it from here...I'm tired...
Bob, DUke, and Ransac are making plans in the woods.
BobUke, seeing as you are the Duke of Dukes...
DUke:WAS the duke of dukes.
Bob:Still, you have connections, right?
Bob:Anybody close by?
DUke thinks about it, qhilw Ransac plays with a wundingalingything.
Bob:Stop playing with that thing, Ransac.
Ransac:Oh. But, it's so fuzzy.
DUke:THAT'S IT!!!!! FUZZY, THE MAJOR OF HAPPY FUZZYLAND!!!!!
Bob:Is that the best you can do?
Bob:Last time I saw him, he stole my pants.
DUke:Well, he does have a reputation of being a thief.
Bob:Still, the were my favorite pants.
Ransac:Is there any trash around here? I'm hungry.
Bob and DUke snarl in disgust.
Ransac:Fine, I guess the diner in Happy Fuzzyland will have to do.
The three travel for what seemed like minutes to happy fuzzyland. Ransac ran to the dumpster at the diner while Bob and DUke search forever for where Fuzzy lives.
Bob:Is this his house.
Okay, they search for about 5 minutes.
DUke:<knocks on the door> I hope he showered.
DUke:It's hard to clean fuzz, and Fuzzy is fuzzy.
Fuzzy answers the door and, unfortunately, hasn't showered.
DUke:<holding his breath>Hey Fuzzy.
Guards surround the area and hold Bob and DUke captive.
Fuzzy:There is a reward for the<holds up fingers> "duke of dukes" and any accomplices.
DUke:I thought we were friends.
Fuzzy:Money is MY best friend. HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!
Bob:My son will save us.
Fuzzy:The trash man? I think not. He should be being taken care of, unless your son is <holds fingers again> "super-powerful". AH-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
DUke:You sniveling fiend.
Fuzzy:Flattery will get you no where. Take them away!!!!
Hey, i have an awesome idea.
Before this whole story happened...
Ransac was going to the Weird Al club with Erinpuff. At the Weird Al club, something strange happened...
Freak#1: OHMYGOD! He's got a new album coming out!
Freak#2: OHMYGOD! He DOES have a new album coming out!
Erinpuff: That happenes everyday.
She sweeps the bodies off the floor, and into the trashcan.
Ransac: Mom, i learned a new trick, wanna see?
Ransac does a weird dance (known as the hokey-pokey) and slaps his buttcheeks together.The universe was inverted.
All in the club: EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG! Black is white up is down and short is long...
I'm evil! Yes! Bob realizes the true me...
[me]starts crying because he's so happy that somebody actually knows what he's like. He celebrates by firing rockets at Europe.[/me]
Bob? DUke? Anybody else? It's one of your guys's turn.
Ransac, cpa trash man
Really, fuzzy. Your not evil. Your fat,skinny, plump, thin, evil, and good. BUt you are NOT evil.
...well, DÛke got arrested again...it is rumored that people of the both towns have nothing to do but to arrest anyone...it looks like they're of that nature...yeah...they're sadists...yep.
Well, in the cell...DÛke is shackled, alone this time.
DÛke: Well, at least no stinky dude...<sigh>
DÛke heard footsteps coming closer to his cell, which was isolated from all others...so he looked on desperatly for a helping hand...
A women approaches the cell...she was dark, and...um...evil looking...
Women: So...you're DÛke?
DÛke: Yeah! Are you here---
Women: Yes, I'm here to help you...
DÛke: How did you---
Women: I'm a freaking psychic.
Women: "oh!", is that what you're gonna say? <before DÛke answers> YES! THAT IS what you were gonna say...<she looked at DÛke> OK, OK! I'll let you speak for yourself! You don't have to shout about it!
DÛke: Who are you? And please, let me ask my questions before you answer them!
Women: OK! I'm Almindhra, Techno Land's "psychic"...I saw in the future that you are to die severely <laughs> which is so to my favor! But, I wanted to be here, to see HOW you're gonna say good bah to yer little world! <laughs some more>
DÛke: I thought you're here to save me!?
Almindhra: Well, I will save you, ok...BUT, I wont save you when the time has come for you to leave! <lol>
Almindhra: I got in here by "telepathically" corrupting everyone's brain waves...come on let's free you...<Almindhra motions her fingers at the shackles and at the cell's bars and they melt out of shape> It's called "telekinesis"...
DÛke and Almindhra gets out of the palace, freely, and Almindhra stops her "mind corruption"...
Almindhra: <knowing what he was to say> You're gonna die next to a girl...what's her name? A girl...um...PJ...yeah, that poor, "inocent" looking girl...
DÛke: You mean that---
Almindhra: Yes, I mean that she either just "will be there when you're dying", OR she'll have something to do with your <laughs> death...
Almindhra: Oh, and...I predicted that you're to die sometimes next week...my psychic spirit did not give me the right answer...I think I performed the wrong spiritual dance...or maybe it could of been the wrong chants...OH, you say you don't care! OK...
DÛke and Almindhra head on to Techno Land.
OH, great, Almindhra ruin the WHOLE story for us.
Cuz what you got is what we need and all we do is dirty deeds, WERE THE SPACEBALLS!
DUke rushes over to Bob's and Ransac's cells, and Almindhra releases them...
Suddenly, Fuzzballs surround the heroes, and Fuzzy laughs manically....
Fuzzy: I shall eat you! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Ransac smiles, and lifts his armpit...
Everyone: WOAH!! THAT SMELLS!!!
Ransac, Bob, Almindhra, and DUke escape, and are once again in the forest, where they hear chanting...
The plants pop out of the ground...
Plants: we serve Multani, Lord of the forest...we shall kill you in his name!!
Not even BO can stop the plants... They once AGAIN arrest DUke and co, and Multani orders them executed...
DUke grabs a torch from the wall, and attempts to stab multani with it... but TICM, the royal guard, decks DUke, and plants spores in his brain...
TICM: Bwa ha haaa!!! This plant will slowly crush your brain!! You will die in 3 days!! haha!
DUke's head swells and he moans in pain...
Bob glares at the Royal Guard, and grabs a long pike near the ground, and duels TICM...
TICM easily dodges the poor fighter's clumsy moves, and ends up with the pike through Bob...
Bob too collapses on the ground...
Almindhra: God, these people can't fight!
Almindhra easily disables the royal guard, and makes his head explode...
As Almindra is covered with plant brains, she grabs DUke, and Ransac grabs his dad, and the two run from the Plant army...
Soon, the plant army runs straight into the Dark Army, which was heading for the forest...
As the sides duke it out, Almindhra, and Ransac take the impaled king, and the tortured DUke to a secret room underground...Almindhra's lair...
Almindhra: Bob will survive eventually, but DUke is doomed...he has 3 days left to live...
Ransac: ugh...Maybe you should put him out of his misery..
Almindhra: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MENTALLY STRAINING MAKING A HEAD EXPLODE IS?? I PROBABLY WON'T BE ABLE TO DO MAGIC FOR A DAY!
DUke: Purple....(crys)..I miss her....This is more painful than being impaled through the head...(Sobs and wails)..belive me...it's happened to me....(pees his pants)....
Ransac: Now that's disgusting..
Bob: Hey, I'm impaled here!! Is Mr Brain Cancer so much more important??
Ransac and Almindhra: yes!
Almindhra: i know a healer named dawn.. she can save Bob, but it would be a miracle for DUke to live....
okay, DUke's life is in your hands, Ransac or DUke...
Wow, this story gets funnier(that's not a word) and better every day!
With Bob complaining, Almindhra resting, Duke writhing in pain, Ransac apparently is befuddled(mainly because he can't figure out why nothing bad has happened to him)
Ransac:<thinks> ouch, I won't to THAT again.
Ransac then apparently gets an idea.
Ransac: I think I have a way to save DUke!!!
Bob and DUke:You do??????
Ransac:These spores are still plants, right? They'll die in extreme heat! We need an fire mage
Bob:There aren't any fire mages in this side of the land.
Ransac thinks again
Ransac:OUCH!!!!! Wait a minute. Almindhra, do you know any fire mages?
Almindhra:<sigh> I know of one.
Bob, DUke, and Ransac:YEAH!!!!!!
Almindhra: But, it's The Master.
B, D, and R: Awwwwwww.
Ransac: I guess I'll have to try.
After Bob has been taken care of and is all bandaged up, Ransac thinks and hurts and thinks and hurts until everybody is asleep. Then, he gets the idea. He positions a candle next to DUke's head, bends over, and lets a loud one fly. DUke's head catches on fires.
DUke:AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY HEAD'S ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
After a minute, Almindhra pours a bucket of water on DUke's head. The fire is out.
DUke: OW!!!!! My friggin head.
Ransac: The spores are still there?
DUke waits to feel something.
DUke: They're gone!!!!!! But, my head is scorched!!! OUCH!!!!!
Ransac: I DID IT!!!!!!!
Almindhra: I knew that would happen. But, you will still die, DUke.
DUke:Yeah, yeah, I know.
Bob: Well, then, what do we do now. I mean, allo we've been doing is run from all the armies, and I mean ALL the armies.
Almindhra: You each have a special power that can defeat a seperate army. All of these armies are evil and will destroy the land if any of them succeed. You three must destroy them.
Bob: No way? I can't take this.
Ransac:<eating some of Almindhra's trash> Cool!
I'm done! Take it away DUke or Bob.
Ransac, cpa trash man
If you did, you probably misunderstood it...
As the 3 heroes plan the attack, DUke screams in pain..
Ransac notices it is the morning, and Duke has a flower sticking out of his head...
Ransac: The spore didn't die....or it grew back...
Bob: Dang...You okay, DUke?
Bob: eeww...Okay, we need to have to ingnore DUke, but It'll be hard...
DUke: I'm....okayy..ugh..I just....have.....ow....
Bob: poor DUke....
t do much more, DUke hasn't posted for a while...I just wanted to keep the suspense with the spores..
I know! YOu have apollo come back and poop on duke's head! That'll kill them dang spores! Or you have me come back as a ghost an possess DUke!
...that's why I didn't post much...besides, the story seems to revolve around me, Bob, and Ransac...that's not really that fair, now is it? I seriously don't want the story revolving around me.
How about, do a "mean while", so the story could take another track? Then we could come back to this and see how it ALL resolves...
how about you write:
In TechnoLand and DairyLand, the people, including PJ are suffering under the Dark Forces...
I am not a main character...
The stars are Ransac(Comic Relief), DUke(Unlikely Hero), and PJ(Beautiful girl). I'm a goofy King...and I'm going to change the ending...
I was just in this part a lot....
Separate names with a comma.