Why is the CPA so freakin' boring?

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Darsh, Dec 22, 2000.

  1. Cateran Emperor Passed On

    <sends a squad of Persuaders to go "persuade" the comm center guards to find employment elsewhere>

    Me: Heh, those founders'll never see us coming now.

    <enters comm center and jams outgoing signals. Sets up an old "Andy Griffith Show" episode to simulate the guards for the security cameras>

    Me: Hrmm. Too easy. You there! <points at a nearby Pit Raptor> relay this back to DUke, at once!

    <Raptor flies off with message to attack when ready, no outside help will be coming>
  2. Killer Joe Active Member

    ...<shudders>, and goes back to his 'play-testing' of TS vs. Trix and/or Neo-Sligh for this weeks extended tournament at Exit 13.
  3. DÛke Memento Mori

    ...<I was walking back towards the entrance to find Cammy, so we can head on with the mission…and as I’m walking, I get this feeling that my old friend Darsh is trying to come in to this party…God, I remember when we were in Highschool and they wouldn’t let him into any party…the GUY dresses in 70’s style! He’s cool though…>

    <Finds Cammy, standing WHERE I left her at>

    Me: All right baby, where the heck is TomB and Whimseee?

    Cammy: A servant told me they’re up there <points up to the spirally stair steps> AND, TomB is WITH Whimseee…I smell something fishy…

    Me: Yeah, me too, except I smell “candy”…Anyway…<wonders a bit> let’s go up there, I’ll handle Whimseee, and when you have the chance, HIT on TomB…do WHATEVER it takes --- <interrupted by Cammy>

    Cammy: EVEN if I have to---<interrupted by me>

    Me: YES! EVEN THAT! Anyway, you do whatever you need to do to get as much information about Zadok’s Founder base, ok?

    Cammy: Easy as 1, 2, 4, and A, B, U…

    Me: Rieeeght…whatever…

    <Cammy and I go up the stairs>

    Me: God, there are SO many rooms!

    Cammy: Yeah, but only THAT one <points it out> has “***Tom the B***” on it!

    Me: Yeah, you’re right…I WONDER what he and Whimseee are doin’ in there…

    Cammy: I don’t wonder AT ALL, I mean, it's clear…<wonders a bit> Ok, I DO wonder…

    Me: Let me knock the door, and when I get Whimseee outta the room, it’s your CHANCE!

    Cammy: Got it, SIR!

    Me: You stay here…and wait until you see me and Whimseee comin’ out…<walks alone towards the room> <knocks the door> <KNOCK!> <KNOCK!>

    Voice: <from the room> Who the HELL is it!

    Me: Why, it’s ME! I’m here to surprise you!

    Voice: WHAT?

    Me: Open the door will you! I have a gift for Whimsical from a man named Spiderman, the CPA moderator/editor/whatever.

    <The door quickly busts out open, as soon as I mention the word Spiderman>
    <TomB was the one who opened the door>

    TomB: You have gift for Whimseee from Spiderman?

    Me: Yes!

    TomB: Whimsical, COME HERE! I thought you told me you’re done with that man!

    <Whimsical appears from the background and comes into view>

    Whimscal: I am, TomB dahling!

    Me: Oh, but you have a gift from him!

    Whimsical: For MOI!

    Me: Yes, it’s down stairs, it’s BIG…it’s just for YOU!

    Whimsical: Oh, TomB dearie, ya’ll have to excuse moi…I have to go with this dahling to see moi gift!

    TomB: Sure, whatever…I’ll BE waiting you know…hurry up…<sighs><sighs><sighs>

    <I point Whimsical to follow me downstairs, and CAREFULLY point Cammy to go HIT on TomB>
    <Whimsical and I head on downstairs>
    <Cammy proceeds to knocking on TomB’s door>
  4. Darsh Corrupt CPA Member

    70's style? 70'S STYLE!?!?
    These are the best threads in the entire hood, and what about you with that monkey suit...you a cracker.
    Everyone be hatin' on me...
  5. Darsh Corrupt CPA Member

    <Sees Duke coming down the stair with Whimsy>

    Me: Man, I got to make sure no one interupts Duke...I got an idea!

    <Walks over behind the Orcestra and finds the main sound system>

    Me: This place needs to liven up

    <Sticks Beastie Boys CD into the system, seconds later Intergalatic Planetary starts blasting over the speakers, everyone stops and stares at me while I start the dancing>

    Me: They just mad they didn't think of it first
  6. DÛke Memento Mori

    I was coming down the long stair steps with Whimseee, which I must say, was OVER excited about the gift...that women must just LUUUVE Spiderman (though I have no idea what she's doing with TomB), oh well...Anyway, I also motioned Cammy to go to TomB and get her job done while Whimsical wasn't with him.

    <Cammy persumes to the room, and knocks the door>

    TomB: Who is it NOW! <You could tell he was mad>

    Cammy: <with a soft, sexy voice> um, it's me TomBaby!

    TomB: <a minute after, TomB opens the door and looks at Cammy, she was pretty> Oh, hello...do I know you?

    Cammy: No, but I do. You know my sister. She told me so much about you and how GREAT your accomplishments are for SUCH a young man such as your LOVELY self <she was bull-sh*ting TomB with every word she was saying>

    TomB: WOW! So you appreciate me! Wow! Your sister has a great taste in men!

    Cammy: <silent sigh> Yeah, she does...and after this night, I hope you'll think I have a "great" taste too!

    TomB: <smiles> Come in; wont you? <Moves out the door way making room for Cammy>

    Cammy: I really have to go...

    TomB: OK!

    Cammy: <realizing that he's not going to BEG her to stay> on the second hand, I'd love to know more about you! I'll come in, just for a while though...<sighs for reliff>

    <Both head into the room, TomB shuts the door LOCKED>

    TomB: Wait here a sec, I'll go make some coffee...<TomB goes to the bathroom, freshens up, brushes his teeth, and just about makes sure he's JUST right for Cammy to do ANYTHING> <after a while, TomB comes back>

    Cammy: So, TomB...I heard you're so great...I'm writing this book (Her thoughts: yeah right) see, it's about great men and their accomplishments (Her thoughts: I wouldn't be coming to YOU, I just need info, SO KEEP your distance!), so, I would like for you to tell me about you and your very, VERY successful and happy life...(Her thoughts: this dude is a whack!)

    TomB: Why, sure! I am GREAT, aren't I! <Laughs...Cammy laughs too but hers was sarcastic, though TomB seems not to get it> I have SOOOOO much of "great" life...where would you like me to start?

    Cammy: (Her thoughts: WHO the hell does he think he's kidding! He's a freaking LOOSER!) Oh, you're a freaking GENIUS TomB! Um...let's see...it's hard to see where I should start with someone as yourself...um...let me just pick a random accomplishment...hmmmm....haaaaaaww about...say...Zadok's...<snaps fingers trying to "remember what's it called>...Zadok's...Zadok's...

    TomB: Zadok's Founders' Base?

    Cammy: Wow, and you're so fast and cognitive! WOW, you just keep on impressing me like that, and we might even...you know <smiles a fake smile>

    TomB: Oh...great! <smiles> Well, what do you wanna know about Zadok's Base?

    Cammy: Well, for beginners like me: where is it at? I'm sure you'll just give me the answer right off! You're SO amazing TomBaby! (Her thoughts: this guy is BULL, I rather hang out with DÛke)

    TomB: Well, it's located near here somewhere...you go 50 Miles north from here, and it should be there...you CAN'T miss it.

    Cammy: WOW! What is its purpose?

    TomB: To destroy all rebels and prevent spam! Though there is this one rebel that we have NOT caught yet, if you see him, STAY away from him, or come to ME!

    Cammy: Oh, I'll MAKE SURE I'll come to you (Thoughts: I rather freaking DIE than come to THIS man)! Who's this "rebel"?

    TomB: He goes by the name "DÛke"...he's been known for trying to destroy Zadok's Base many times, though all failed because of our deep and careful securities!

    Cammy: Wow, you're SO cool (Thoughts: what a looser)! What kind of "securities"?

    TomB: Well, first off, we have a Neo-like guy...Ya know "Neo" from The Matrix. His name is Chaos Turtle...we sent him on a hunt to find and destroy
    DÛke and all the people who work with him! ALL OF THEM! Chaos Turtle is in this party, he's down stairs...we have to MAKE sure DÛke doesn't come in! We also have many advanced systems in weaponary and all kind of locks, guns, and everything possible. This D&Ucirc;ke is a freak!

    Cammy: What does DÛke want?

    TomB: He claims that he wants to destroy Zadok's Founders' Base, so the CPA wouldn’t be so boring, but the truth we have discovered, he's after Britney Spears and Zero -- both workers of Zadok, and are owned BY Zadok. He wants them bad, and he's planning to "steal" them from Zadok.

    Cammy: <Cammy gets a bit angry! And to herself she speaks: ALL HE wanted with ME is to use me as bait! He's not after freeing the CPA, he's after Britney Spears and Zero! ZERO! I'll kill Zero! I'll make sure she doesn't see the daylight! OOOOh, that...that...that...I'll show her>
    Oh, TomB...I think I hear my servant calling me from downstairs, so I got to go!

    TomB: What? We didn't do anything yet! I didn't HEAR a thing!

    Cammy: It's ok...YOU were busy talking about how great life you had so you missed him calling me...I'll be back baby! Stay here!

    <Cammy rushes downstairs with tears in her eyes because of newly found DÛke's TRUE purpose for all this FUSS>

    <Cammy goes down stairs and sees Whimsical and DÛke standing there>
    <Cammy rushes toward DÛke>

    Whimsical: Where’s mah present, DÛke dearie!?

    Me: Wait! It’s big ya know, they gotta bring it here fast!

    <Cammy interrupts the conversation>

    Cammy: DÛ -- <she didn’t’ want to call me by my name because Whimsical is right next to me>…<whispering to me> BABY, I’ve got all the “food” we need, we should leave now, as SOON as possible!

    Me: Great! Whimsical, wait here, I’ll go see where the gift is! Wait here, you’ll be surprised!

    Whimsical: Ok, just don’t take too long dhaling!

    Me: Ok. <smiles, "fakely">

    <Cammy and I rush toward the exit as fast as possible>
    <As we’re “rushing”, Cammy talks fast>

    Cammy: Chaos Turtle is in here!


    Cammy: Not so loud!

    Me: SH*T! We gotta get the heck outta here then!

    <We get out; no one stops us>
    <We're ALMOST ready to give Multani the signal>
  7. MrXarvox The Prettiest Man Alive

    Tzyver joins the militant forces outside the party.
    He is armed with the Broken Hammer, and a handful of sand.
  8. DÛke Memento Mori

    <We get out; and no one stops us>

    There were still people coming in to the party, and it was almost 2:00 AM! Cammy and I rush towards my car…

    Cammy: Shouldn’t we give Multani the signal now?

    Me: Wait! We gotta make sure the car is workin’…we never know what might happens around these freaks!

    <Holds Cammy’s hand and rushes as fast as possible to the card>
    <Finds the car>
    <Gets in the car>

    Me: Let’s GO!

    <Mission Impossible 2 theme songs plays in the background>
    <With quick reflex and EMOTION, I turn on the car, and we drive off, then, I sound the car’s horns, giving Multani “the signal”…I sound, and I sound…>


    We are finally at a safe distance…
    Multani seems to be having a problem…the building is still alive and standing!


    After that long horn, missiles, guns shots, bombs, rockets, HAMMERS...and possibly every sound of a weapon of destruction was heard. The huge building was blazing like a raging volcanoe! The lights on it turned off, glass shatters, statues break…fountains stays as fountains…but the rest is like TOTALLY being destroyed into nothing the naked eye can see!

    We drive off, seeing the huge building collapse, with TomB, Whimsical, and the rest 10000 or so people in it! This was a mass murder! I luuuve it!

    Cammy: Nice job, SIR!

    Me: Yep, now that we have the information…<wonders> wait, you DO have the information, right?

    Cammy: YES, SIR! I have all you need!

    Me: Well, fill me in!

    Cammy: Zadok’s Founders’ Base is about 50 miles North from here; we shouldn’t miss it if we get there…

    Me: Well, job well done, Cammy. <Busts out the radio> Zadok, HERE I COME! Your worst nightmare!

    <We drive normally now, since we’re away from all the commotion>

    Me: I hope Darsh got the chance to leave…

    Cammy: He did leave! I saw him getting kicked out of the party because he was playing with the music or whatever…

    Me: Good…<thinks about Darsh for a while>

    After that, we just shut our mouths and drive to Zadok’s Founders’ Base. It was 2: 30 AM at this point.

    <5 minutes later>

    Cammy: Do you hear that?

    Me: Yes! <Listens closely>

    Cammy: It…um…it sounds like…like…like a helicopter!

    Me: <looks up the sky> WHOW! LOOK! <Points out to right above our car in the sky>

    Cammy: It’s a helicopter!

    Me: They’re following us!

    Cammy: I smell unwanted guests!

    <The helicopter seems to be following us constantly>
    <We suddenly hear a loud speaker coming in from the helicopter…>

    Speaker Voice: DÛke, we know you’re in there…if you’re thinking of reaching Zadok’s Base that easy, than you are wrong! You’ll have to pass through me!

    Me: Man, shut the f**ck up! <Speeds to 80 miles per hour>

    <The helicopter is creeping up on us…>

    Speaker Voice: Are you afraid? Why don’t you stop and let’s fight, MAN to MAN!

    Me: I don’t have time for your sh*t!

    Cammy: Who IS that! He..um..sounds sexy!

    Me: I have no clue! <Rolls eyes> <looks at the stalking helicopter> <speeds up to 100 miles per hour>

    <The helicopter does not mind us speeding, it’s just continuing on following us>

    Speaker Voice: I should’ve known you’re ALL talks! If you don’t want to fight, I DO! I guess I’ll come down…<evil laughter>

    Me: Now haaow the heck is he gonna come down here!

    <The helicopter speeds us way a head of us…WAY ahead of us…we can’t even see it that clearly any more>

    Me: What’s goin’ on?

    Cammy: LOOK! <Points out at the highway ahead of us>

    The helicopter has managed to speed up AND land in front of us.

    Me: They really want to GET SOME don’t they! Aieeeeeght! COME and GET ME!

    <Slows speed down and hits the breaks>
    <The car stops, does a few spins…luckily it DOES stop>

    Cammy: Ya gonna fight him, whoever he is?

    Me: YEP! <Worried a bit>

    Cammy: Ya’ll need my help! I’ll back you up! (Her thoughts: NOT that I want to)

    Me: NO…leave it up to me…ok...ok…back me up IF I seem to be loosin’…

    Cammy: <speechless> <looks at the helicopter>

    I put my shades on, and get down from the car. I walk toward the landed helicopter, waiting for the PERSON to come down.

    The helicopter door slowly opens, and a guy jumps out. He was wearing cloths exactly that of Neo’s (from the Matrix)…he has the shades going…the black leather…the long, black coat…but he wasn’t Neo…I barely recognized him under those dark shades of his…

    Me: CAMMY! I’ll need ALL the back up you could give me baby!

    Cammy: WHO is that SoB! <She looks at him…she seems not frightened, but…ATTRACTED>

    Me: Cammy, did you hear what I said? <Wonders>

    Cammy: Yeah, yeah…whatever…I’ll back you up…but that dude looks---<interrupted by me>

    Me: Whatever, Cammy…<I knew what she was gonna say>

    The guy stands about 10 feets away from me. We stand still. I finally recognized exactly who he is…he was…

  9. Thallid Ice Cream Man 21sT CeNTuRy sChIZoId MaN

    Thallid Ice Cream Man's younger brother.

    PS: At least it won't be boring :)
  10. DÛke Memento Mori

    I finally recognize the guy! He’s…

    …Chaos Turtle!

    <I worry my a** off>

    Me: Ok, so we meet again, Chaos S**t! <Stands firmly, trying not to show signs of worry>

    Chaos Turtle: <takes of shades> who’s that gal in your car? You’re “body guard”? <Laughs like there was no tomorrow>

    Me: That was funny, unfortunately, I DON’T feel like laughin’…HEHEHEHEHE <being sarcastic>

    Chaos Turtle: So you never give up, do you? I mean, Zadok promised you that you’ll get your butt kicked by me…yet you still try to find Zadok, destroy the Founders’ Base, and gain control of Britney Spears and Zero! You’re either very stupid or very lacking in intelligence…

    Me: OUCH…look who’s makin’ jokes today…FAT turtle!

    Chaos Turtle: HUH! ALRIGHTY then…let’s get done with this right now Dukey boy!

    Me: Bring it ON!

    <”Scream” by Michael Jackson plays in the background>

    Cammy: <shouting as if we were in a Street Fighter game> Round…ONE…FIGHT!

    Chaos Turtle casts a blinding spell…

    Me: Dang it man! I didn’t know you play Magic!

    Chaos Turtle: <evil laughter>

    Me: Cammy, kick his fat a**! I can’t see!

    Cammy didn’t reply, and surprisingly…I wasn’t getting my butt kicked…

    Me: <shouts> CAMMY?

    No one replies…

    I walk to the highway curb and fall unconscious there…I didn’t feel like looking for Cammy while I was blind, and in the middle of a highway…

    <10 minutes later>

    I start regaining my sight and conscious…my sight, though blur, it’s coming back. I could make out the street, my car…but…where’s Cammy? I don’t see her…I don’t see Chaos Fattso, or his helicopter…
    I rush to my car, which I’m glad is still there…I look around, no one is there…

    Was I dreaming? Was it one of those days I wake up not knowing how, when, and why I was in a place? Nah…It couldn’t be…I still remember…the...the…the party…and…Cammy…TomB…and Whimseee…and Multani’s troops…and Darsh…I wasn’t dreaming…though what happened?

    I look in the car…trying to find a clue…and I SEE one…I see a note written very poorly, and was signed by Cammy…I read the note:

    “Sir…I was worried that Chaos Turtle would hurt you badly…you got blinded and all, and I didn’t want yer butt getting hurt…well, I did want YOU getting hurt (just not your “butt”), but not in front of me…you know…I hated you from the beginning…you’re TOO bossy! Besides, when I talked to TomB, he told me why you’re after Zadok…sure, you want to free the CPA from boredom, but…you also want Zero and Britney Spears…I DON’T like to waste MY freaking time trying to fulfill your fantasies (I have my own y’know), got that…BOY! So…to save yer butt, AND to break away from you, I decided to make Chaos Turtle a deal: he leaves you a lone, and would I go with him…be his “special servant”…you know…THAT kind of servant…besides, I’ve always wanted to be LIKE THAT…I just haven’t found the right b***h that would like to share my fantasy…but I have NOW…Chaos Turtle…I’m his b***h and he’s mine! You resist being a b***h, so you’re totally not the style of my liking…ANYWAY, good bye, and watch your back (and butt)…
    I’m going to go get me some whips, chains, and leather gloves…and all that sort of stuff…WE GONNA HAVE FUN! Unlike you, LOOSER…AH!

    P.S. if you need any help…call: 1-800-PHO-ENIX, just mention me…

    -The enslaver of Chaos Turtle, CAMMY”

    After reading that note…I didn’t know if I should be mad because Cammy betrayed me…or, happy because Cammy finally found her b***h…or both…I seriously don’t know…so I place the note in my pocket, and look at the highway ahead…about 45 miles until I reach Zadok’s Base…I look at my watch, it’s 4: 45 AM…It’s getting late…I haven’t had sleep…So, I decided to find the nearest gas station, park my car, and sleep there…in my car…

    After 10 minutes of driving, I found the gas station, I parked my car, and slept there…
  11. Thallid Ice Cream Man 21sT CeNTuRy sChIZoId MaN

    Wait! What was wrong with what I posted???? huh?
  12. TomB Administrative Assistant

    Can you tell it's Christmas vacation? :rolleyes:
  13. Apollo Bird Boy

    It's time to bomb the base? Oh boy!

    [me]lets out a screech and dives headfirst at top speed into the building just as Multani's bombs, missles, and hammers hit. A fiery inferno erupts around Apollo and the entire building goes up in flames. 20 minutes later, Apollo comes back to life with a massive headache.[/me]

    Hey... 1-800-Phoenix? That's my number.
  14. Multani Treetrunk Guy

    Mission accomplished! We will escort DUke and Cammy out of the area.

    [me]looks around and doesn't see DUke or Cammy. Find them!!!! Apollo, get in the sky. This now officially a SAR mission.
    Move it![/me]
  15. theorgg Slob

    [me] steps out from behind a curtain that appears in the restroom of the gass station, as the fabric flaps behind my back, it drops and reveals that it is actually my breechclothe.[/me]

    Let's put some fun into this car.

    [me] sneaks up to DUkey's car and slowly pulls the fuel pumps out by the bottom. as the petrolium begins to leak, he holds it over the hood of the car DUke sleeps in. The gas pours all over the car and down the hood, saturating the engine and motor.[/me]

    [me] then sticks his claw into the fan of the car, breaking off a sliver of it[/me]

    Now let's see how far he gets. the engine will overheat and ignite the gasoline after about five minutes. He cannot get to the base in time. Now it is time to take the Spear into my breechcloth again...

    [me] reaches behind himself and pulls his breechcloth above his head. he pulls it untill it streaches to the ground on the other side and walks through it. The cloth vanishes as the last of his back hair enters it.[/me]
  16. DÛke Memento Mori

    ...if you noticed, anyone, this IS an interactive little story. I was hoping you'd get it earlier, but looks like not many did. Other than few...like Darsh, Multani, and TheOrgg...the others weren't serious enough. :D

    If you add something nice to the story, I'll make sure I'll include it...and YES, it will effect the out come...just don't add anything that changes the main storyline, or that kills anyone: that's my job. :)

    ...back to the interactive story:

    I wake up, it's about 8:00 A.M.
    The highway is still empty, and there are no customers in or near the gas station...I look around for my keys, and finally find them...I think of Cammy and Chaos Turtle...

    Me: <with deep vengance> I'll get you for that Chaos Turtle! I'll GET YOU!

    I get ready to continue to Zadok's base, but...

    Me: <sniffing> What the heck is that smell? <sniff> <sniff>

    I get down from the car, and follow the smell like I was a freakin' dog...I finally discover the source! It's MY car! CLEARLY, someone wished me dead, and had "toyed" with my car while I was in my deep trance state...it smells like GAS!

    Me: <sniff, sniff> GOD, I hate those ZADOKians! I'll get them all! <sniff> it...it..um..it smells like <with Wolverine from X-Men emotion> THE ORGG! <growles> <barks like a freakin' dog>

    Me: Wait, why am I barking? GOD...that Cammy and what she've done to me!

    I stand there, in the middle of NO WHERE, thanks to The Orgg, and I just look around...NOT a single freakin' car is passing by!

    Me: Where the heck is everyone at! <looks around: no one is anywhere> <wonders if everyone was at a party that I wasn't invited to> HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <with Titanic's Leonardo Decaprio emotion> ANY BODY OUT THERE! CAN YOU HEAR ME!

    No one answers...there isn't even a single freakin' bird or anything flyin' by! My only hope...was...was...that PHONE NUMBER Cammy had left me...what was it again? I get out the piece of paper, and read it:

    Me: <wondering about the phone number> Hmmmmmm...1-800-PHO-ENIX...I wonder who's it is...
    <gets out the cell phone and proceeds to make the call>

  17. Apollo Bird Boy

    Actually, DUke, there is a bird flying by. That'd be me.

    Multani, after much flying and searching, I've found DUke. He seems to be stranded here in the middle of nowhere. Something smells strongly of gasoline, too... I'm not sure what. And there is no sign of Cammy. Oh, wait, DUke is pulling out a cell phone, but I don't know who he's calling.

    So, boss, what are your orders?

    [me]groans at his headache.[/me]

    And you got any aspirin? Dying takes a lot out of me...
  18. Multani Treetrunk Guy

    [me]airlifts aspirin to Apollo's position, then sends an armoured battalion to retrieve DUke.[/me]

    Me: DUke, you've been through alot. Get some sleep, and I want a full intelligence report by 1500 hours tomorrow afternoon. In the meantime, I'll send Apollo to search the nearby area and see if Cammy's around.

    DUke: Thanks Tree!
    Me: Very well. Dismissed.

  19. Darsh Corrupt CPA Member

    :Scene, walking along the side of the road:

    Me: I can't believe my ride got blown up in that attack, and I only had 1 payment of $.99 left!

    :Sees Multani's battalion:

    Me: Word! They can give me a ride.

    :Joins the batalion, rides twoard Duke:
  20. Apollo Bird Boy

    Ah... that's much better.

    Boss, I lost Cammy. After surveying the area, I found the chopper sitting in a nearby field. Just as I was going down for a closer look, though, it took off. I was lucky to avoid the propeller blades. Anyway, I followed it for a while, but couldn't keep up. It was headed west, last I saw it.

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