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The Superfluous Demi-Spasm Fight for the lone roll of toilet paper

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
Oversoul sits up groggily and gets finds his way to a standing position once again.

Wow, I guess that takes care of the toilet paper roll. It's too bad that I put poison ivy in that roll... :D
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac ponders that last statement while scratching his rear.*


*Ransac continues to scratch his rear.*

*Ransac curses the name of Oversoul and proceeds to perform an old trick of his (fans of classic Ransac battles, read on!). Ransac slaps his buttcheeks and the universe is inverted. The poison ivy itches have now transfered to Spiderman, who was drinking coffee in a nearby brothel. Ransac holds on to his hat and slaps his buttcheeks again, reinverted the universe back to normal, with Spiderman retaining the poison ivy itches (thanks to Ransac holding on to his hat.*


*Ransac bows for the public, but is promptly tackled by a re-energized Oversoul.*



Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
Oversoul seizes Ransac. He is doing quite well at first, but it has been some time since Oversoul last practiced his tachi-waza and he manages to throw himself onto his own back. Cursing Ransac, he summons his Italian Crimson Kobolds, which attack Ransac, doing no damage of course.

Okay, that was stupid...

But I'm not done yet. Let's see, I'll just Spinal Graft the Kobolds and then have them attack you...
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac throws mayo on the kobolds, disentigrating them in the process.*


Heh-heh.




Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
Oversoul moves to attack Ransac, but slips on the mayonnaise and falls to his back again.

No, curse you, Ransac. Hey, I still have this...

Oversoul hurls the lead rabbit at Ransac's spleen.
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac grabs his abdomen and falls to his knees.*


*cough*



*Ransac picks up the rabbit and asks "Why did you forsake me?"*



Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
Oversoul once again stands up. He retrieves one of the many rolls of toilet paper that have been fired from the toilet paper guns and begins wrapping roll after roll of toilet paper around Ransac until he is bound in a cocoon of the stuff. Seizing the last remaining full roll of toilet paper he taunts Ransac.

Ha! Now I have the roll of toilet paper and YOU are all tied up...
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Suddenly, the Gods of Gaming decide to punish Ransac with cruel irony. The Toilet Paper cocoon starts glowing and Evolves into ButterRansacFree.*


Damn Pokemon gods.


*Ransac commits suicide by flying into a nearby BugZapper, only to reappear unharmed and depokemonified, with his lives count decreasing by one.*


Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
Oversoul stares at Ransac, shaking his head.

Okay. I thought it was a good plan, but who could have seen THAT coming? Oh well, catch me if you can...

Oversoul runs off with the the last toilet paper roll.
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac uses his super-human strength (read as: paid some strong guy to do it for him) to bend his lead rabbit into a boomerang and tosses it at Oversoul, knocking him down. Ransac casually walks up to the crying infidel and retrieves the roll that is rightfully his.*



I'll be taking this now. Ooo! It's quilted!


Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
My head...

Ransac, I'll get you for this if it's the last thing I...

Whoa, everything's blurry...
 

Spiderman

Administrator
Staff member
Meanwhile, in the nearby brothel, Spiderman absently scratched his rear once. Then twice. Then a couple times more. As the itch starts to become very persistent and it's getting harder to hide the scratching from the other patrons, Spiderman finishes his coffee and heads to the nearest Rite-Aid to get a tube of anti-itch ointment. It seems to work and Spiderman swings off to the 80's stand-up arcade convention to play Donkey Kong, Dig Dug, and Burgertime.
 
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