The Off-Topic Battle over Nothing!!!!

Doombringer

Durandal
*Doombringers Farm Animal Gatling Cannon finally gets up to the optimum Rotations Per Minute speed, and he lets rip with over three thousand assorted chickens, ducks and pigs a minute. This rate of fire quickly decimates the space marines, so Doombringer points the Cannon at the Skaarj mothership, causing damage on a tremendous scale.*
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac's flaming diarrhea subsides (finally). Due to the stress, however, he drops the nothing and passes out.*


Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Nightstalkers

Creature — Nightstalker
Well... we do have them at quite a disadvantage seeing as we can just...

*Sucks a gob of the marines into their collective mind and they come out twisted and horrid abominations that instantly turn on one another with meat cleavers, giant mallets, and acid squirt guns*

Hmm...
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac wakes up and notices the marines closing in.*


Hmmm...... time to try something different.

*Ransac puts on a flame retardant suit and chucks a brick at Oversoul's head.*


Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Nightstalkers

Creature — Nightstalker
*Someone falls down hard on the tube of paste and it gets on Ransac... transfiguring him into a Flaming Retard Ant*
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
*Oversoul is struck in the head by Ransac's brick.*

Ow. That hurt. What the...

*Oversoul notices that Ransac is now a flaming retard ant.*

Oh no! Someone threw a brick at my head and turned Ransac into an ant! That person must pay...
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac, the flaming retard ant, cusses at the Nightstalkers in Antlish and hides in a nearby hole in the ground.*


Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Nightstalkers

Creature — Nightstalker
You see... it's dangerous to... Hmm...

*The Nightstalkers hook up a pump to the hole and pump in gallon after gallon of the paste, bringing Ransac back to his normal form as well as bringing to life many of the twisted things inside of his mind*
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
*The twisted things from Ransac's mind begin to grow and take over the battlefield.*

Man, my head hurts. Nightstalkers? What have you done now?
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Included in this fray is Mungo the Magic Mime, Frederick Von Tabbernaffle, Sean Connery, a deep frier brought to life through the miracle of animation, and the complete works of "William Shakespeare on Ice" infested with the ebola virus. And more manifestions are...... manifesting on the battlefield.*


Ransac, cpa trash man
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
*Oversoul tries to battle the abominations, but his concussion causes him to collapse. As he writhes on the ground, warped things from his mind appear and merge with the twisted things from Ransac's mind, causing things to become even more--absurd.*
 

Doombringer

Durandal
*Doombringer turns his Gatling Cannon on the mind monsters, but they simply incorporate the chickens into their manifestations, giving them wings and beaks*

Oh crap.
 

Nightstalkers

Creature — Nightstalker
AHHH!!!

*The Nightstalkers swarm out of the scene and into the theatre, throwing everyone out of their way as they make haste to the projector room and burn the film*

Lets try this again...

*They put on Snow White and the Seven Dwarves with Spiderman cast as Prince Charming, Ransac as Dopey, Duke as Grumpy, Doombringer as Sleepy, Train as Sneezy, Orgg as Bashful, John Travolta (special guest) as Doc, William the Cyber Bacon as Happy, Ransac as the evil witch, and Oversoul as Snow White... The Nightstalkers sit back and watch while holding the ushers as hostages for free popcorn, drinks, and lots of candy*
 

Oversoul

The Tentacled One
*Oversoul transforms from Snow White to Beowulf, then a starfish, then the Tower of London, then Doombringer, then Lena Foosaba, then Medea as he sees the others around him transforming too.*

Nightstalkers, I think that the cloud of insanity thingy has sabotoged your theatre plan...
 

Doombringer

Durandal
Uh, guys? Who the hell is sleepy? I never saw snow white.

*Doombringer explodes from not knowing what he just changed into. His Darksteel handle appears inside the crater taking his shape, and shaking its head in dismay.*

Damn, now i've gotta possess this thing until i can find a suitable replacement body. And I'll tell you, this darksteel guy aint a good roomate; he eats food I payed for, and leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor.
 

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
*Ransac finds a random, big, shiny red button precariously sticking out of the ground.*

OOO..... SHINY!!!!!!

*Ransac pushes the button.*


Ransac, cpa trash man
 
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