Crapstorm: A New Game: Because... Why Not?
- Thread starter turgy22
- Start date
turgy22
Nothing Special
The group waits for Ward to decide what to buy (too many choices?) while McGill ponders whether or not he's satisfied with the available selection of vodka. The storekeeper did say that there were other options available in the storeroom, if he was looking for something not on the shelf.
Everyone's baby dice start rattling a little bit louder.
Day 3
Time: 11:00 am
Status Updates
Everyone loses 3 fullness from the passage of time.
Everyone's baby dice start rattling a little bit louder.
Day 3
Time: 11:00 am
Status Updates
Everyone loses 3 fullness from the passage of time.
D
DarthFerret
Guest
pete offers a serving of diced veggies to the baby dice, paying particular attention to what values are shown while they dine.
turgy22
Nothing Special
Ward brings his items to the checkout counter in the Right Aid. The cashier rings them up for a total of 14 lbs. Ward pays and then joins the group.
Pikachu holds out his bag of diced vegetables. His baby die rolls over, landing on 6 and gobbles up 6 servings of vegetables. Then it quiets down and goes to sleep.
Pikachu holds out his bag of diced vegetables. His baby die rolls over, landing on 6 and gobbles up 6 servings of vegetables. Then it quiets down and goes to sleep.
R
rokapoke
Guest
McGill picks up a bottle of his favorite vodka, Pap's Smearnoff.
"Delicious!"
He then rejoins the others and offers veggies to his baby die.
"Delicious!"
He then rejoins the others and offers veggies to his baby die.
turgy22
Nothing Special
McGill buys the bottle of vodka for 5 lbs. McGill's baby die rolls over, landing on 6 and gobbles up 6 servings of vegetables. Then it quiets down and goes to sleep.
The group is together and seemingly ready to seek new adventures. The king's guard will escort the party out of Queens and back to Route Two, if desired. From there, they can go any direction they choose.
The group is together and seemingly ready to seek new adventures. The king's guard will escort the party out of Queens and back to Route Two, if desired. From there, they can go any direction they choose.
Oversoul
The Tentacled One
Ward feeds his baby die.
Well, I think that was productive.
I am of the opinion that we should return to Safeway before journeying elsewhere. Anon stated that it brings health and sanctuary or some such things. If true, we could use that. I, for one, am not yet fully recovered from my injuries. Anon may have more information for us if he still inhabits the place.
Ward generalized his shotgun into a gun, then anagrams the gun into a gnu. Ward hops on Sophia's back.
Is everyone ready to depart?
Well, I think that was productive.
I am of the opinion that we should return to Safeway before journeying elsewhere. Anon stated that it brings health and sanctuary or some such things. If true, we could use that. I, for one, am not yet fully recovered from my injuries. Anon may have more information for us if he still inhabits the place.
Ward generalized his shotgun into a gun, then anagrams the gun into a gnu. Ward hops on Sophia's back.
Is everyone ready to depart?
D
DarthFerret
Guest
pete will allow his baby dice to finish feeding, then will declare that he is ready to proceed
turgy22
Nothing Special
Everyone, seemingly ready to depart the Queens Mall, departs the Queens Mall. The king’s guard escorts the group through the Heartland to the Queens Gate and bids you farewell.
“The king will send word to the Safeway if he has any more tasks for you. Godspeed, travelers.”
The gate creaks open and the group walks out to Route Two and heads back toward the Safeway. It is a long journey, but no peril is encountered. Recognizing the first and only off-ramp they’ve ever seen, the group disembarks from Route Two and heads north back toward the Safeway.
It is nightfall by the time they stand in the Safeway parking lot. The doors slide open before them and, weary from the long walk, everyone slowly steps inside. Upon crossing the threshold, each member of the party feels instantly refreshed and full of life.
Anon sits inside, perched behind the deli counter and looks over his glasses at the members coming inside. He glances long at Pete, not recognizing him from earlier, but shows no sign of alarm. Across the counter, a tall man stands dressed in some manner of military regalia. His gaze shifts back and forth between Anon and the group, then he clears his throat after a significantly uncomfortable pause.
Anon speaks up, “Welcome back travelers. You’ve accomplished so much in the past two and a half days that it almost feels like you’ve been gone for a month and a half. I have received other news of quests during your absence, but first we have more pressing matters to attend to. This man you see with me has become a bit concerned over the state of your travels. He is a long-time trusted advisor and I’m sure his words will come in handy as you set off on more perilous adventures. Allow me to introduce to you Maj. Changes.”
The Major steps forward. “Good evening gentlemen... um... gentle beings. It has come to my attention that this entire operation has been a poorly improvised mishmash of bad puns, sexual innuendo, and an inconsistent application of real-world personal attributes. It makes me sick just thinking about it. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything to save you from the puns or innuendo, but I take pride in making sure that things work the way they’re supposed to.”
He goes on.
“First of all, this ‘Pain’ indicator makes no sense. The more pain you feel, the lower it goes. That doesn’t make sense. You should have more pain if you’re in more pain. Unfortunately, I can’t think of a better name for it. So I’m open to suggestions. And don’t suggest just doing it backwards, because that would make things even more confusing. It’s got to be some indicator of a lack of pain, but we just need a better word. But it can’t be ‘life’ or ‘health’ because that’s a completely separate category. If we can’t come up with something better, so be it, but I want you people to think about it.
“Next, let’s talk about your life. It should regenerate, so I’m going to make it regenerate. You get wounded and you get better. That’s how things are supposed to work. From now on, minor wounds will heal themselves. Serious wounds will get better in time, but only if treated. Otherwise, they’ll get worse. And hurt. A lot.”
Maj. Changes then motions towards Pikachu and Pete.
“Now I’d like to talk about these two characters. Look at yourselves. You’re half the size of these other guys, so you shouldn’t need to eat as much to fill up. From now on, you gain twice as much fullness from food. Unfortunately, since you’re tiny (comparatively speaking) you also won’t have as much maximum life as the others. I think it’s a reasonable trade-off.”
Maj. Changes then moves in front of Melkor’s Ghost and eyes him disdainfully.
“And as for you... you... spectral pain in the butt. We didn’t know what to do with you. You’re a ghost, but there are so many different interpretations of ghosts out there. Can you hold a net or do you just pass through things? Can you eat food like Slimer? And why would it have the same effect as everyone else. It doesn’t make sense! And if there’s anything in this world I can NOT abide, it’s things that don’t make sense.”
Major Changes has himself worked up into such a fury, that he grabs a rubber chicken from inside his pants, puts it into a microwave and sets it for three seconds, after which he takes out a cup of hot chocolate and pours it down his collar.
“So anyway, Mr. Ghost. You’re about to get completely rearranged. You still have your Essence, but no longer do you exist in a world of Energy, Fullness and Pain. Now you have three completely new attributes: Mobility, Opacity and Solidity. Mobility determines your ability to travel, attack and avoid oncoming attacks. Opacity determines the ability of non-ghosts to see you and you to see non-ghosts. And Solidity determines how well you interact with real objects in this world. If you’re not solid, you can’t pick things up, but you also can’t get hurt by solid objects. Other things can hurt you, though, so don't think you can just turn into vapor and frolic about without a care in the world.
“From now on, when there’s a fight, your ability to harm your enemies will allow special objects to drop that allow you to raise or lower your stats. You can then modify your own stats to suit your playing style. But be warned that your Essence is tied into each of these attributes, so if they all hit zero, you will cease to exist... completely.”
Maj. Changes stands back and straightens out his jacket.
“Now then. My briefing is complete, so I will now go to the bathroom and debrief. Anon will be speaking to you shortly about the new missions that have come to his attention.”
“The king will send word to the Safeway if he has any more tasks for you. Godspeed, travelers.”
The gate creaks open and the group walks out to Route Two and heads back toward the Safeway. It is a long journey, but no peril is encountered. Recognizing the first and only off-ramp they’ve ever seen, the group disembarks from Route Two and heads north back toward the Safeway.
It is nightfall by the time they stand in the Safeway parking lot. The doors slide open before them and, weary from the long walk, everyone slowly steps inside. Upon crossing the threshold, each member of the party feels instantly refreshed and full of life.
Anon sits inside, perched behind the deli counter and looks over his glasses at the members coming inside. He glances long at Pete, not recognizing him from earlier, but shows no sign of alarm. Across the counter, a tall man stands dressed in some manner of military regalia. His gaze shifts back and forth between Anon and the group, then he clears his throat after a significantly uncomfortable pause.
Anon speaks up, “Welcome back travelers. You’ve accomplished so much in the past two and a half days that it almost feels like you’ve been gone for a month and a half. I have received other news of quests during your absence, but first we have more pressing matters to attend to. This man you see with me has become a bit concerned over the state of your travels. He is a long-time trusted advisor and I’m sure his words will come in handy as you set off on more perilous adventures. Allow me to introduce to you Maj. Changes.”
The Major steps forward. “Good evening gentlemen... um... gentle beings. It has come to my attention that this entire operation has been a poorly improvised mishmash of bad puns, sexual innuendo, and an inconsistent application of real-world personal attributes. It makes me sick just thinking about it. Unfortunately, I can’t do anything to save you from the puns or innuendo, but I take pride in making sure that things work the way they’re supposed to.”
He goes on.
“First of all, this ‘Pain’ indicator makes no sense. The more pain you feel, the lower it goes. That doesn’t make sense. You should have more pain if you’re in more pain. Unfortunately, I can’t think of a better name for it. So I’m open to suggestions. And don’t suggest just doing it backwards, because that would make things even more confusing. It’s got to be some indicator of a lack of pain, but we just need a better word. But it can’t be ‘life’ or ‘health’ because that’s a completely separate category. If we can’t come up with something better, so be it, but I want you people to think about it.
“Next, let’s talk about your life. It should regenerate, so I’m going to make it regenerate. You get wounded and you get better. That’s how things are supposed to work. From now on, minor wounds will heal themselves. Serious wounds will get better in time, but only if treated. Otherwise, they’ll get worse. And hurt. A lot.”
Maj. Changes then motions towards Pikachu and Pete.
“Now I’d like to talk about these two characters. Look at yourselves. You’re half the size of these other guys, so you shouldn’t need to eat as much to fill up. From now on, you gain twice as much fullness from food. Unfortunately, since you’re tiny (comparatively speaking) you also won’t have as much maximum life as the others. I think it’s a reasonable trade-off.”
Maj. Changes then moves in front of Melkor’s Ghost and eyes him disdainfully.
“And as for you... you... spectral pain in the butt. We didn’t know what to do with you. You’re a ghost, but there are so many different interpretations of ghosts out there. Can you hold a net or do you just pass through things? Can you eat food like Slimer? And why would it have the same effect as everyone else. It doesn’t make sense! And if there’s anything in this world I can NOT abide, it’s things that don’t make sense.”
Major Changes has himself worked up into such a fury, that he grabs a rubber chicken from inside his pants, puts it into a microwave and sets it for three seconds, after which he takes out a cup of hot chocolate and pours it down his collar.
“So anyway, Mr. Ghost. You’re about to get completely rearranged. You still have your Essence, but no longer do you exist in a world of Energy, Fullness and Pain. Now you have three completely new attributes: Mobility, Opacity and Solidity. Mobility determines your ability to travel, attack and avoid oncoming attacks. Opacity determines the ability of non-ghosts to see you and you to see non-ghosts. And Solidity determines how well you interact with real objects in this world. If you’re not solid, you can’t pick things up, but you also can’t get hurt by solid objects. Other things can hurt you, though, so don't think you can just turn into vapor and frolic about without a care in the world.
“From now on, when there’s a fight, your ability to harm your enemies will allow special objects to drop that allow you to raise or lower your stats. You can then modify your own stats to suit your playing style. But be warned that your Essence is tied into each of these attributes, so if they all hit zero, you will cease to exist... completely.”
Maj. Changes stands back and straightens out his jacket.
“Now then. My briefing is complete, so I will now go to the bathroom and debrief. Anon will be speaking to you shortly about the new missions that have come to his attention.”
R
rokapoke
Guest
Perhaps 'Comfort' is a good replacement for 'Pain.'
Oversoul
The Tentacled One
What's the opposite of pain?
Pleasure?
That won't work!
Salubrity? Assuagement? Comfort? Amenity? Eudemonia? Gusto? Vim? Vivacity? Vigor? Serenity? Fettle? Condition? Repose? Ease? Contentment? Gratification? Repletion?
Edit: Accidentally closed my browser the first time I typed this, then I took so long to remember the words I'd come up with that Rokapoke beat me to "Comfort."
Pleasure?
That won't work!
Salubrity? Assuagement? Comfort? Amenity? Eudemonia? Gusto? Vim? Vivacity? Vigor? Serenity? Fettle? Condition? Repose? Ease? Contentment? Gratification? Repletion?
Edit: Accidentally closed my browser the first time I typed this, then I took so long to remember the words I'd come up with that Rokapoke beat me to "Comfort."
D
DarthFerret
Guest
Pete decides to go out on a limb, but fails to find a tree, then does it anyway and suggest Vitality as a good opposer to pain.
turgy22
Nothing Special
Maj. Changes trots off to the bathroom, while Anon sits and listens to the suggestions. "Vitality.... too close to meaning 'life' so we'll go with comfort. I don't think there's a perfect word out there, but it gets the idea across."
"Now then, before we get to your next quests, I have come into possession of a few new artifacts and items that may aid you on your journeys.
"Agent Bashenthal, I am entrusting into your care an ancient object of mystical powers. The Elders called it a Magic 8-Ball. It is believed to be enchanted with the power to answer questions that may guide you on your path. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to get a hold of a good quality Magic 8-Ball, so this one's slightly defective. I believe all the answers it provides have been misprinted, but perhaps as an experienced grammar policeman, you will be able to translate the answers into a meaningful form."
Ward acquires a misprinted Magic 8-Ball
"Melkor's Ghost, now that you're going to behave like a ghost is supposed to behave, you might not be capable of carrying around all these objects you've acquired. So I bestow upon you this hauntable duffel bag. Once you possess it, it will float along side of you and provide spacious room for anything else you might collect."
Melkor's Ghost acquires a hauntable duffel bag.
"Pikachu, I can't understand a thing you say. I have found an electronic device that should help you communicate with the others in the group. I make no promise as to the accuracy of the translations, but this device has been advertised as a Pikanese-to-English translator. Any time you speak, the translator should provide a reasonable guess as to the message you are trying to convey. Use it if you need to, though it stays on all the time, so even if you aren't trying to use it, it will still try to translate what you're saying."
Pikachu acquires a Pikanese-to-English translator.
"For McGill, I have found some jewelry that I believe may have belonged to your ancestors. I know little of your people, but the stories tell of the powerful amulets that could inspire thousands to stand and walk for miles without rest. The musical sound it produced was so powerful, that those who heard it always demanded more. I believe this is one such amulet."
McGill acquires a cowbell.
"Pete. We've never met before, but while you were all away, I was approached by a particularly ornery black widow who claimed she had a relationship with you. She claims that you walked out, abandoning her before she even had a chance to eat you goodbye. Well I guess some time has passed and now that she knows you're still alive she doesn't want to take care of your 273 children by herself. So she dropped one of the little buggers off to remain in your care. He seems pretty self-sufficient and eager to help out, so I'm sure that you can find errands for him on your journeys."
Pete acquires an illegitimate spiderling.
"Finally, the bad joke division of Maj. Changes's weapon development industry has created a new prototype that they don't want to keep testing themselves after one too many friendly fire incidents and accidental deaths. So you're taking it instead. This mobile turret is powered by terrible puns. The more puns it hears and the worse the puns are, the more it fires and the more damage it dishes out. It will accompany you on your next quest and when you return here, the major would like to hear an evaluation of this new technology."
The party acquires a rapid-fire mobile pun turret.
"There you go. Let's hope all the pundamental flaws have been worked out."
The turret whirs and fires a round into a wall of the Safeway.
"Wow, really," continues Anon. "Pundamental? I didn't think that even deserved a response. It's like this thing has Turret's Syndrome."
The turret whirs more loudly and fires another two rounds, doing significant damage to a shelf full of baked goods.
"Well then. I guess I'd better be a little more careful about what I say."
"Now then, before we get to your next quests, I have come into possession of a few new artifacts and items that may aid you on your journeys.
"Agent Bashenthal, I am entrusting into your care an ancient object of mystical powers. The Elders called it a Magic 8-Ball. It is believed to be enchanted with the power to answer questions that may guide you on your path. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to get a hold of a good quality Magic 8-Ball, so this one's slightly defective. I believe all the answers it provides have been misprinted, but perhaps as an experienced grammar policeman, you will be able to translate the answers into a meaningful form."
Ward acquires a misprinted Magic 8-Ball
"Melkor's Ghost, now that you're going to behave like a ghost is supposed to behave, you might not be capable of carrying around all these objects you've acquired. So I bestow upon you this hauntable duffel bag. Once you possess it, it will float along side of you and provide spacious room for anything else you might collect."
Melkor's Ghost acquires a hauntable duffel bag.
"Pikachu, I can't understand a thing you say. I have found an electronic device that should help you communicate with the others in the group. I make no promise as to the accuracy of the translations, but this device has been advertised as a Pikanese-to-English translator. Any time you speak, the translator should provide a reasonable guess as to the message you are trying to convey. Use it if you need to, though it stays on all the time, so even if you aren't trying to use it, it will still try to translate what you're saying."
Pikachu acquires a Pikanese-to-English translator.
"For McGill, I have found some jewelry that I believe may have belonged to your ancestors. I know little of your people, but the stories tell of the powerful amulets that could inspire thousands to stand and walk for miles without rest. The musical sound it produced was so powerful, that those who heard it always demanded more. I believe this is one such amulet."
McGill acquires a cowbell.
"Pete. We've never met before, but while you were all away, I was approached by a particularly ornery black widow who claimed she had a relationship with you. She claims that you walked out, abandoning her before she even had a chance to eat you goodbye. Well I guess some time has passed and now that she knows you're still alive she doesn't want to take care of your 273 children by herself. So she dropped one of the little buggers off to remain in your care. He seems pretty self-sufficient and eager to help out, so I'm sure that you can find errands for him on your journeys."
Pete acquires an illegitimate spiderling.
"Finally, the bad joke division of Maj. Changes's weapon development industry has created a new prototype that they don't want to keep testing themselves after one too many friendly fire incidents and accidental deaths. So you're taking it instead. This mobile turret is powered by terrible puns. The more puns it hears and the worse the puns are, the more it fires and the more damage it dishes out. It will accompany you on your next quest and when you return here, the major would like to hear an evaluation of this new technology."
The party acquires a rapid-fire mobile pun turret.
"There you go. Let's hope all the pundamental flaws have been worked out."
The turret whirs and fires a round into a wall of the Safeway.
"Wow, really," continues Anon. "Pundamental? I didn't think that even deserved a response. It's like this thing has Turret's Syndrome."
The turret whirs more loudly and fires another two rounds, doing significant damage to a shelf full of baked goods.
"Well then. I guess I'd better be a little more careful about what I say."
turgy22
Nothing Special
Anon collects himself and then goes on.
"Now that the item distribution is out of the way, let's discuss your next possible quests.
I believe I mentioned earlier the local Fair. Well, I was mistaken. It's actually the local Faire and they're still complaining about unscrupulous proprietors that need to be defeated.
I also mentioned an overheating problem at the ancient Arena. I'm pleased to report that that problem has been handled. They attracted enough fans to cool things down. That was the whole joke and apparently it wasn't worth creating a whole quest around. Unfortunately, a new problem has popped up of sponsor imitators and copyright infringement taking place around the Arena as they gear up to host the Post-Apocolympics. They need someone to weed out these frauds in order to maximize profits for the Post-Apocolympic Committee.
Lastly, a new problem has arisen in the Backwoods. The Cobbler Elves are unable to produce quality footwear, since their tree came under attack. They need someone to fend off the attacks and hopefully get to the source of the aggression."
"Now that the item distribution is out of the way, let's discuss your next possible quests.
I believe I mentioned earlier the local Fair. Well, I was mistaken. It's actually the local Faire and they're still complaining about unscrupulous proprietors that need to be defeated.
I also mentioned an overheating problem at the ancient Arena. I'm pleased to report that that problem has been handled. They attracted enough fans to cool things down. That was the whole joke and apparently it wasn't worth creating a whole quest around. Unfortunately, a new problem has popped up of sponsor imitators and copyright infringement taking place around the Arena as they gear up to host the Post-Apocolympics. They need someone to weed out these frauds in order to maximize profits for the Post-Apocolympic Committee.
Lastly, a new problem has arisen in the Backwoods. The Cobbler Elves are unable to produce quality footwear, since their tree came under attack. They need someone to fend off the attacks and hopefully get to the source of the aggression."
R
rokapoke
Guest
"I vote we deal with the Elves first. I have fond memories of the cookies made by their cousins, and I hope to be find comfortable footwear -- my cows are mooing." (Note: McGill means his 'dogs are barking,' to indicate sore feet, but his people tend to put cows in their metaphors/similes/idioms/I'll-let-Oversoul-correct-my-word-choice-here.)