Tournament Rnd. 1-- Maraud vs. Dementia

[Dementia]

Ohhhhh baby.......the possibilities of what I could do with this post.......he's JUST LAYING THERE!!!!!

Should I go get a couple of big fat prison inmates to get some lovin......

That might be too mean

Should I drop a bus on him........

Nawwwwww

I got it!!!

(Dementia digs a grave and puts Unstable Mable in it and buries him(guess I should say I destroyed him and he couldn't be regenerates )

Unstable Mables mom and pop show up for the funeral services and Dementia promptly bashes them with a chair

(Dementia sings a hymn for his fallen buddy Unstable Mable)

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sounds. That saved a wretch liiike me!!!!!

All living beings within earshot of Dementia's horrible singing shcrivel up and die.......

 

[maraud234]

I'm dead again!, Let me write it in my log.

*Maraud tries to dig out of his grave, after about 2 hours of dying, and digging. Maraud gets out.*

Hey, Dementia, you do realize we are the only ones fighting in this tournament.

 

[Dementia]

You got a worm sticking out of your decaying nose Unstable Mable

We're the only ones fightin ah? Better make this fight more entertaining.......

Add a little pyro right here.......get a couple scantaly clad women here.......and we need a plot......

I killed your puppy Unstable Mable! That's right! I squashed little Fluffy's head in!

MWAHAHAHAHAHA

This crowd can go screw themselves(Dementia flips the crowd off)

Crowd: DEMENTIA SUCKS! DEMENTIA SUCKS! DEMENTIA SUCKS!

Oh no folks.....I don't suck.....that little doggie was sucking though! Sucking in it's last breath!

What you got to say about it Unstable Mable.....I might just go after your goldfish next!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[Dementia]

(Dementia slips Nifallor Ruler of Kairon a twenty and whispers in his ear)

Nifallor Ruler of Kairon runs off......

When he comes back he's got three Hippos.....and LOOK!!

He's juggling them

That's what I call entertainment

 

[maraud234]

*After watching Dementia's crazy show, Maraud pushes Dementia off the stage and starts to talk into the microphone.*

I, Unstable Mable, will crush you, Dementia, like a..........fragile thing. I will chop you up and eat you. I will pillage your women and rape(Am I allowed to say that) your cows. I will see you at WTF Super Sex on June 13th.

Oh, by the way, Nifallor Ruler of Kairon, droped one of the hippos on your head, Dementia.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I'm also gonna bring some kegs, and some stripers. So the show will be complete of course.

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac appears, even though he is in the middle of fighting urzamasterpimp, and speaks.*

I'm enjoying this match so much, let's add something.

*Ransac adds 300 phyrexian, razor-edged, rabid rabbits.*


They don't have any preference in the fight, they're just hungry.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Volraths_bane]

After crushing Nameilus's Trachea with his own artificial corruption spine Volrath's Bane comes over to check out the fight.

What do you mean you are the only ones in the tournament! What about me!!!!!!

GOOOOOOO Dementia!!!!!

Taking a seat on his rebuilt Bed Pan of Fate (using it ONLY as a seat!) Bane diverts himself by checking popcorn at the hippos and the rabid razor-rabbits.

Uh oh........

GET THE BUNNIES OFF ME!!!!! GET THE BUNNIES OFF ME!!!!!

damn bunnies....um...fight on!

 

[maraud234]

Everybody always roots for Dementia, you guys really hurt my feelings when you do that.........
Oh well, I'll join the crowd.
Go Dementia!!!!

*Maraud jumps up into the stands with everybody else and starts cheering. Jumping into the stands also takes Maraud away from the ring, leaving Dementia to fend for himself against the assorted animals.*

 

[Dementia]

For all who are about to read this, go here first......

http://www.magic-singles.com/cpa/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6509

What I'm about to do will make more sense! MWAHAHAHA

(Dementia looks around at all the mad wittle bunny wabbits, and notices that, by complete coincidence, there are exactly 60 of those cute furry balls of death)

I think it might be fun to play a game of magic right now

(Dementia unfolds his chair and sets it down. Dementia then pulls out his cheapest deck, all commons WHOO HOO, and challanges one of the Rabid Bunny B*st*rds to a game. The bunny promtly slashs Dementia's stomach open)



I gave you a chance bunnies, now you DIE

(Dementia turns into a killing machine. Running around getting in postion for the best shots. Every card hits it's mark and the bunnies go down one by one by one. All with magic card commons sticking out of thier heads)

I like my new weapons

My arm is sore.....takes a lot of velocity to shatter bunny skulls with playing cards

(Dementia calmly walks over and picks up his steel chair and folds it up. Dementia starts walking towards Unstable Mable with a look of death on his face)

I warned you about cheering for Dementia didn't I maraud? Dementia is a wuss and maraud is gonna kill him, and since you WON'T STOP CHEERING FOR DEMENTIA. I am forced to kill you......

 

[Ransac]

*Maraud looks up from the stands sees Dementia with a steel chair again. Suddenly, Ransac appears again and throws playing cards at both Dementia and Maraud. Their bodies are extensively cut up and racked with pain.*


This battle is nearing the point where it needs to be over. End it soon.....or I will.



*tik*

*tok*

*tik*

*tok*


Ransac, cpa's card-flinging maniac

 

[maraud234]

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not hurt by little pieces of paper. But, if Ransac wants the match to end, I'm up for any opinions on how that will happen. I myself want something funny, since that's been the theme of this thread.

*While Maraud's talking, Dementia tries to sneak up on him to hit him, but Maraud hits him.*

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac starts thinking of stipulations to end matches. Ransac gets a lightbulb to appear over his head. It falls and knocks him out.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Volraths_bane]

Hmmm.....How about a random effect.....

The Bunnies turn into large Sickle weilding Man-Apes who hate the color blue but are no sense of hearing. They are all named Percival and a wearing hoop-skirts.

Let the fight continue......

 

[maraud234]

How about this?

"Shards of glass skatter from the shattered light bulb, killing everybody in the arena. It is a sad day in the arena, indeed.*

 

[Ransac]

I must have a winner in this thread. No killing everyone.

Note: If a winner isn't decided within the next 8 posts by Maraud and/or Dementia, I will select a winner.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[maraud234]

you'll select me, right?

 

[Volraths_bane]

Shall we let the Bed PAn of FAte decide?

It is spelling something...I...C....U...P..wait a damn minute. Damnit Panny...can't you be serious?

Sorry...Panny....sorry I lost my temper

Don't talk to me in that tone of voice!

No this cannot wait til we get home!

Don't you bring my mother into this!

 

[maraud234]

I seriously believe we should let everybody vote on who will win based on performance in the ring. Ransac, if you will, please start another thread where people vote on whether me or Dementia win. I don't want to start one myself, because all the choices will be Maraud in different colors.

 

[Dementia]

Ok then, all rejoice I have come back to the fighting pit of death.....(Dementia takes a deep breath of fresh air) nothing like the smell of bodies rotting in the sun

So lemesee.....how to end the fight.......

(Dementia and Unstable Mable charge each other they both score death blows at the SAME time They both hit the ground immedietly unconcious)

A hush falls over the crowd as they wait to see what happens.....

(Neither fighter moves one inch)

Normally in a death match paramedics aren't allowed but since there must be a winner the paramedics are rushed in to see if they can possible save one of the fighters so they can advance to the next round.

(2 teams of paramedics go to the fighters. One to Dementia and one to Unstable Mable. They both check for vitals....they have both flatlined! The paramedics break out the padels and do that shock thingy to both the fighters. Dementia and Unstable Mable both jerk to life at the same instant.)

Dementia: I just had a near death expierience! I went to the pearly gates of heaven and met god himself!

Unstable Mable: I dreamed I was a frog

So, we have both died. This was a death match. Looks like we both win......

In a sappy, poop eating, I-got-my-head-up-a** voice.....

EVERYBODY'S A WINNER!!!

So who are me and Unstable Mable fighting in the next round? Why are you looking at me like that.....NO! PUT THE GUN AWAY......

 

[Volraths_bane]

Huh-uh..no way..THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! The highlan..errr...I mean the..ummm...what the hell is this for anyway!

***Bong****

Damnit Dementia...watch it with the Chair!

Isn't anyone worried about the transvestite armed missing links roaming around?