The Ultimate Battle over the Ancient Treasure of the CPA

[Ransac]

*Ransac finds himself, along with several other CPA members, somehow in the depths of the archives of the CPA. They do not know how they got there, but that doesn't matter anymore. Many times have they been told of the ancient treasure that lies within here and that only the one that finds it first gets the wealth and power that comes with it.*


...


*After a few minutes, Ransac discreetly pulls out his lead rabbit...*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[EricBess]

What? Everyone knows that the ancient CPA treasure is Spiderman's golden underoos. Why do you think that no one has bothered to search it out before now? Sure, boundless riches, but as what cost to your sanity?

 

[Ransac]

True, that Spidey's britches are part of the treasure... but you forget that he has been going commando for much of the past 14 years.

*Ransac pushes EB down and runs deep into the archives to get a jump start on the others.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[DarthFerret]

DarthFerret uses the force to activate the tripwires that were set by the ancient founders, and laughs as Ransac sprawls headlong...

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac stares back at DF and throws a rock at him, causing another trap to activate. DF is covered with Molasses.*


Molasses?....... I guess Zadok put THAT trap in.


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Spiderman]

** Spiderman laughs as he watches the action on his TV. Taking a swig of Coke and a handful of Baked Lays BBQ chips, he thinks ripping the plot off of Saw is an excellent idea to weed out the unworthy of the CPA

 

[Nightstalkers]

As Spiderman watches the closed circuit security footage a dark stain appears on the wall behind him. Darkness seeps through the stain and writhes in unspeakable yet mute horror. The swirling tentacles of darkness tentatively touch the light cast by the lighting and fade out slightly, distorting as if television signals on a fuzzy television.
Before a few moments the darkness finally coalesces into the form of several Nightstalkers. A ragtag bunch, one slightly whispers to the others, "project start?"

 

[Spiderman]

** Spiderman remains blissfully unaware of the darkness behind him (unless they plan harm to him, in which case his spider-sense is going off like crazy)

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac pulls out his Lead Rabbit and charges for the sticky DarthFerret.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Nightstalkers]

The Nightstalkers creep past the lounging Spiderman and make their way to the control desk. At once they begin awakening and unleashing the horrors of the CPA upon the fighting members.

 

[Spiderman]

** Spiderman relaxes and watches more mayhem

 

[Ransac]

*Meanwhile, Ransac is finished bludgeoning DarthFerret with the lead rabbit and decides to try one of the the random hallways. However, flames ignite at the other end and begin to engulf the hallway.*

OH NO!!!!!!!! THE FLAME OF ISTANBUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*Ransac runs for his life and manages to get out of the hallway just in time by ducking into a nearby room...


...but his butt's on fire.*


YEOWWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!!!


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

*Oversoul materializes in the hallway, totally perplexed. Eventually, he reads the thread.*

What? I'm one of the horrors of the CPA? Ridiculous. There's nothing that bad about me. I wonder what the other horrors are...

Let's find out...

 

[Nightstalkers]

One of the Nightstalkers looks over at the other and grimaces. "Why did you have to press the 'comic relief' button?"

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac manages to extinguish the fire on his bum.... only to realize that he is now lost in the maze of hallways...*


Crap.

*Ransac notices a lever on the wall. Realizing that nothing bad could POSSIBLY happen from pulling it, he does so. Meanwhile, a trap door open underneath Oversoul, dropping him into a chasm filled with all of the 0-Post members.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

*A tentacle seizes Ransac and pulls him into the chasm.*

 

[Spiderman]

** Spiderman speaks into a microphone. Hidden loudspeakers located strategically in the archives crackle to life

"Attention all 'guests'! You have 3 hours to escape from the archives. At the end of that time, any remaining 'guests' will be locked in a room and be made to play patty-cake. You each have a clue to help you escape when you put them together. Good luck."

 

[Ransac]

~~~Ransac was in another room and hallway~~~

*Ransac smiles as he feels his Ransac-Dummy must've confused someone. Meanwhile, Ransac reaches into his pocket and pulls out what is assumedly his clue......... but it's dark and he can't quite make out anything about the clue.*

Stupid funding...


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

*Two tentacles reach out of the chasm and down the hallway. One holds Ransac down while another one shoves a zero-posts member down his throat.*

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac flatulates in terror and accidentally triggers another trap. Fuzzy510's fuzzies descend on Oversoul and begin to consume him. Ransac grabs a door, hoping to wriggle his way out of Oversoul's grip.*


Ransac, cpa trash man