Discussion in 'Home Made Cards' started by K9Archmage, Oct 31, 2000.
Oh, man. I've done 7 pages of my story, and I've barely begun... Oh, dang this is gonna be long.
YES! I am finally done with my story! I will post it up soon.
Ok Everybody! Here it is! A little long, and not as good as on the Word document. Reply with comments, please!
PS: Iris is a magical walking talking blue plant.
Iris was flying around in his newly acquired spaceship, the Centennial Falcon. He was talking to his friend, who was a robot named C3-BO. As you have probably guessed, C3-BO smells really, really, really bad. Luckily for Iris, he uses deodorant.
Hmmm… Where was I? OH yeah, well, Iris was flying around in the Centennial Falcon when he encountered an asteroid field. “Hmm… I think I’ll prove my excellent flying abilities by going through the asteroid field!” Said Iris. “But Sir!” exclaimed C3-B0, “The chances of us successfully navigating an asteroid field are approximately two hundred and ninety-three billion five hundred and forty-six million three hundred and seventy-two thousand one hundred and fifty-”, “Shut UP!” Iris said. “-to one!” Iris hit C3-BO upside the head making a loud clonking sound. “WHY?WHY? Did they program me to feel pain?” Iris made his way through the asteroid field, narrowly dodging the asteroids.
After he passed through without even scratching the ship, he laughed. “HAHAHHAH! How do you like that, robot man? Did your calculations predict that? NOOO! You know why? BECAUSE I AM DA MAN, and you are a -” just then they hit a stray asteroid. The impact damaged the auxiliary engines. “DOPE!” Iris said, wallowing in his own self-pity. “OOOOHHHH! Don’t you feel like a biscuit?” said C3-BO, “I bet your face feels tight now! You-” then he received another stunning blow to the head.
“O.K., enough fooling around, we have to go to a planet so that we can fix our auxiliary engines,” Iris said rather indignantly. Then C3-BO got another blow to the head. “OUCH! What was that for?” asked C3-BO. “You looked at me ****-eyed, you NEVER look at the captain ****-eyed. UNDERSTAND?” Iris said in his most commanding voice. “Yes, but-” another konk on the head. “No buts, bot!”
“What is the nearest planet that we can get to?” asked C3-BO. “I believe that is the planet Bob.” So they flew to planet Bob. After they landed, they were greeted by several people. Iris asked for all of their names and one of them answered “Greetings, I am Bobo, these people are Bobbett, Bobbania, Bobbene, BillyBob, JoeBob, BillyBobJoeBob, Boban, Boby, Bobu, Bobba, Bobby, and Bobba Fett. Our leader’s name is BoboBobbettBobbaniaBobbeneBillyBobJoeBobBillyBobJoe
BobBobanBobyBobuBobba .One of them said to Iris, “It seems that your ship is in bad condition, would you like it repaired?” Iris was surprised at his kindness. C3-BO replied “Sure,-” he received another overwhelming punch to the head. “Never answer for me, robot! Anyways, kind sir, how much will it cost to get the ship repaired?” The person stared at Iris for a while, and asked “Cost? What is a cost?” Iris cheerfully replied, “Oh, did I say cost, I said that on accident, cost isn’t even a word! *wink wink*, *nudge nudge*”, then C3-BO added “Actually, my databanks indicated that cost”- as you’ve probably guessed, C3-BO received yet another blow to the head. “Did I say you could talk?” asked Iris. “No, but-” another hit. “How stupid can you be?” asked Iris. “I’m sorry, but-” yet again another punch to the head. “You sure are stupid for a robot!” And they all chuckled.
“OWE! What the #### was that for,” asked C3-BO. “Well… I just thought that since I hadn’t hit you in such a long time, I might as well.” Then Bobo the engineer came up to them and said “Sirs! Your auxiliary engine is now repaired. We thank you for your patience and hospitality. I am sure you will make excellent slaves.” “What!?!?” exclaimed Iris. “Why are we supposed to be your slaves?” “Well, here on planet Bob, whenever a person does something for somebody else, that person pays off the debt by being a slave for eternity. Now, if you would hold your hands out, I would like to put an enormous metal ball on them to keep you from escaping, though I am sure that you won’t even think about it.” Then C3-BO received another stunning punch to the head. “This is all your fault!” said Iris. With that statement, Iris ran away at top speed.
The next thing he knew he was in a jail cell along with C3-BO and a peculiar robot that looked like a trash can. “ Hi! What’s your name little guy?” Iris asked .The only response he got was “BEEEP! BOOOP! BLIP BLOP BLEEP!” “Woah!” exclaimed Iris “That’s too many cuss words for a little robot like you!” “Sir,” said C3-BO “I don’t think that was the V-Chip. I think that it was communicating. Here, let me insert a floppy disk into the robot that has the English-speaking software.” A disk popped out of C3-BO’s mouth. He took it and placed it inside the robot. “Thank you…BEEP BLOP BLIP. This software will come… BOOOOP… in handy. Is it shareware or a full-copy? Should I register it over the internet? What if-” Then C3-BO was hit in the head again by Iris. “What was that for? I wasn’t doing anything” asked C3-BO. “Exactly! Why didn’t you shut it up?” Iris said. “BOOOP! Forget it! My name is Boop-boo-ba-doo. In order to get out, we will need a plan…BLEEEP… or I can just melt the wall with my flame-gun attachment.” “Excellent idea!” Said Iris “But we should wait until the guards leave.”
So they all agreed to melt the wall at night and escape. To make the time go by quicker, they all played a nice game of Monopoly. Iris was the dog, C3-BO was the shoe, and Boop-boo-ba-doo was the thimble. Night fell before they finished the game, but Iris had a hotel on Boardwalk and two houses on Baltic Avenue.
“Hahahha! I got a hotel on Boardwalk! What are you gonna do now? Oooh! I rolled doubles! I get to go again! What’s that? Are both of you out of Monopoly money? Well, looks like I win again!” said the over-conceited Iris.
“Hey! BOOOOP! It’s night, time for… BEEEP… our escape!” exclaimed Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo. Then Iris hit C3-BO on the head “OW! What the #### was that for?”
“I was excited!” said Iris. “Anyways, stop wit da talking and on wit da meltin’!”
So Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo started melting the wall. “WOOOOHOOO!” said Iris. Then the all dashed out.
It was then when the saw the fattest thing ever alive. It had 100,000 chins, 50-foot long body hairs, and an unbearable stench. When it walked around with a red shirt on, people yelled “Hey,oh! Kool-Aid!” When it jumped out of the pool, people yelled “Free Willy!” It also had more rolls than a bakery. This was all too familiar to Iris. “Hey! Why won’t you die? I’ve killed you twice already in past episodes!”
“HAHAHAH! Those were in different series, though! You killed me once in the original, and once in the sequel. Now I am reappearing in the sequel to the sequel! I have been reincarnated as the leader of the Bobbonians! DO YOUR MATH HOMEWORK!”
Then the ugly, fat, thing started rolling towards Iris and friends. It grabbed Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo with its hairs and Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo was absorbed into the thing’s skin. “NOOOOO!” screamed Iris. Then he hit C3-BO again. “Why didn’t you stop it, robot?” asked Iris. Then the body hairs started creeping towards Iris. Suddenly, Iris started glowing. A bright blue aura surrounded him. “AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! STASIS!” Then everything stopped moving. Time had stopped, except for Iris. He then started drilling away at the fat monster to get to Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo. After he found Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo, Iris absorbed the fat monster using his unique… Drain Life. The fat thing’s energy was slowly drained into Iris. Iris then stopped the stasis. Everybody was confused about what had happened. Iris told his friends the whole story, and then they headed back towards the spaceship.
As they were taking off, they all sighed for no apparent reason. “Boy am I glad to get off of that-”then C3-BO was hit again. “Did I say you could talk?” asked Iris. “No sir, but-” then he was hit once again, “ OW. What was that -” and again. “Wow! I can’t believe that you can be so stupid! I thought that all robots were supposed to be intelligent! Why can’t you be more like Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo?” said Iris.
They were then about to enter another asteroid field. “HAHAHAH! I bet that I can navigate through this one with ease!” said Iris. “But sir! The possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately-” C3-BO then suffered another punch from Iris. “I did this before and I can do it again!” said Iris, “Maybe this time you won’t make me damage the engines, robot!”
“What? You crashed because of your pride and-” as you can guess, C3-BO was hit once more.
Iris then flew straight into the asteroid field. Dodging left, up, down, right, write, and wrong, he made his way through without taking a scratch. “OOOH! How do you like that, robot? Did your calculations predict that? NO! You know why? ‘Cause I am da MAN! Er… Plant, and you are a stupid robot that has a malfunction!” Just then they hit a stray asteroid. Once again, the impact damaged the engines. “UUUGGHH! This is de ja vu all over again!” said Iris. “Sir, what you just said is redundant and repetitive. I-” Then Iris took a big bite out of C3-BO’s jugular vain. He was yelling and screaming and spewing blood everywhere. “What was that for?” asked C3-BO.
“Don’t you get it? You said that you hadn’t had a bite in three days, so I bit you!” said Iris. “But I never said-” C3-BO then received another boot to the head! “People! BOOOO! BEEEE! Why don’t you stop, BOOOO, bickering, and find a BEEEE planet to fix your engines? The nearest planet is Hoipatron, but there is a war going on there. The war is between the donkeys and sheep.” said Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo. So they decided to go to planet Hoipatron. They decided to land on the donkey side first, then if attacked, move to the sheep side.
Meanwhile, on planet Hoipatron
A troop of heroic donkeys were lying in wait near an enemy sheep fort. They hid under the bushes, ready to throw their sharp pointy sticks at the oncoming sheep. When the sheep were close, the donkeys jumped out of the bushes and poked the sheep with their sticks. Many sheep died until the sheep wizard came. He started turning the donkeys into sheep one by one. The donkeys thought that they were doomed when… The donkey mage came! The actual sheep were very scared, but the sheep wizard just said, “Fools! Don’t you know donkeys can’t wield magic?” Ironically, the donkey mage returned all of the sheep back into donkeys. Then a spaceship appeared and landed right on the sheep wizard. The donkeys were all very surprised. Then the door opened, and out came Iris and friends. The grateful donkey mage sliced the hooves off of the sheep wizard, skillfully carved them into shoes, and gave them to Iris. “Thank you for saving us, kind sir. Please take these as a token of our appreciation. These hooves are magical! If you put them on, your magic capabilities will be increased!”
“Thank you, o wise burro.” said Iris. This was known as the battle of Fort Beressity, since that was what the fort was originally called. It was later renamed by the donkeys, who named it Fort Necessity. This was the first battle of the Sheep and Donkey War, which lasted 7 years.
Iris decided to stay on planet Hoipatron to help the donkeys defeat the sheep. C3-BO was reprogrammed so that he thinks he’s Rambo, and Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo got a few attachments, including a laser, a machine gun, a bazooka, and a sharp pointy stick launcher. Iris and friends have fought valiantly beside the donkeys for 5 years. Iris now sees a weird object in the sky…
“Woah what is that?” asked Iris. It looked like a giant boat floating in the middle of the sky. It landed right in front of Iris. “Greetings, brave warrior. I am Gerrard of the Weatherlight,” said a strange man.
“Kill him! He likes Miller Light!” said a donkey.
“I didn’t say Miller Light! I said Weatherlight. That is the name of the floating boat that I live in. I have hear much news about your bravery, Iris, and I have come here to fight along side you.”
“Welcome aboard!” Everybody said with glee.
A few days later, Iris was clipping a box top from a cereal box. “Yes!” he shouted, “I finally have enough box tops to get a lightsaber!” Iris mailed the box tops to the cereal company.
6 to 8 weeks later, the lightsaber came in the mail…
“Hurrah! Now I must start my training!” said Iris. For a whole year, nobody knew where Iris was. The truth is that he was training with Yora, the green smurf. Yora was a master of using the lightsaber, he could also make the best pumpkin pie you’ll ever taste. Iris was training intensely for a year under the guidance of Yora. Iris found out that Yora was 900 years old, so he asked Yora why he was so old. All Yora said was, “Smurfs live a long time. You’ve never seen a dead smurf.”
While Iris was in his training, an important battle went on. C3-BO, Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo, and Gerrard were involved. They were fighting the sheep (well, duh). All you could hear was C3-BO’s war-cry “KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!” From out of nowhere, a sheep wizard appeared. He turned Gerrard into a sheep. Gerrard’s last words were “NOOO! You can’t… BAAAAAAH! BAAAAH!” He was then kidnapped by the sheep wizard. In a puff of smoke, all of the sheep disappeared. The troop of donkeys went back to their base.
“It is a shame that such a noble soul was taken by the treacheries of the sheep,” said Iris, who had returned from his training. He was now skilled in the art of using a lightsaber. Iris had one thing in mind… Vengeance. That day, he made a speech in front of all the donkeys. “My comrades, we all want to beat the sheep. The loss of Gerrard is truly disturbing. The sheep must be punished for what they have done. There is only one way we can beat them. We must ask… Hoipa Kong. As you all know, Hoipa Kong is a super-powerful donkey capable of destroying the all of the sheep. He is invincible to the spells cast by those vile sheep wizards. Once we destroy all the sheep wizards, we can get back all of the comrades we have lost. Come now, comrades, we must ask Hoipa Kong for his help!"
All of the donkeys went to Hoipa Kong’s house. They rang his doorbell. A 100-foot donkey opened the door. “I know what you want. I have foreseen this. I will gladly battle alongside of you. However, the sheep have a secret weapon much like myself, it is called Ram. It is just as powerful as I am. In order to defeat the sheep, I will need your help,” said Hoipa Kong. Then they started planning a way to defeat the sheep.
On the seventh year of the Sheep and Donkey war, the Donkeys attacked the sheep’s main fort. As expected, Ram came out and started to fight Hoipa Kong. Then Ram was caught in a net set by the donkeys. Ram was easily killed by Boop-Boo-Ba-Doo’s bazooka. Suddenly, hundreds of sheep wizards came out of the fort. They were no match for Hoipa Kong, since Hoipa Kong was unaffected by their spells. That was the end of all the sheep. The sheep wizards were the only true sheep. All of the others used to be different, but were turned into mindless sheep by the wizards. Out of the fortress came all of the people and animals that used to be sheep. Iris immediately ran to Gerrard and hit him. “That, was for scaring me and all my friends by getting kidnapped.” said Iris.
Later that night, all of the donkeys had a huge feast to celebrate the end of the war. They all had a good time. C3-BO was reprogrammed to be his old self again. A few days later, Gerrard flew away on his floating boat. Then Iris and his pals announced that they would also have to leave soon, to seek more adventure. I’m Leonard Nemoy, signing off. Remember to always watch the skies!
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