CPA's Unglued II Card List

[The Wise Jester]

Chain of Punches 1RW
Sorcery
Punch target player once. That player may then pay 2 life. If the player does, he or she may copy this spell and may choose a new target for that copy. If not, that player loses 3 life.

 

[Zhaneel]

Punch Buggy XRW

Creature - Insect

When Punch Buggy comes into play, punch target opponent X times. He or she loses one life each time he or she says 'ow' and/or punches you back.

1/1



grr, I have other ideas but I can't remember any right now...

 

[train]

Seduction
UUUU
Target Opponent chooses a member of the opposite sex in the building, other than theirself.
Counter target spell if you can seduce that member of the opposite sex.
"Men are like linoleum(spelling), you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them forever..."
"Yeah, well women are like... WOW!!!... are those real?"

 

[WickedBoy6]

Punching Symbiosis - 2RG
Sorcery
Each player may punch a target opponent of their choice once for each creature he or she controls.
This is *ow* the last time *ow* I play *ow* your Saproling deck *Ow!*

 

[train]

Marksmanship
RW
Enchant creature
Whenever a player rolls a die, it must finish rolling on enchanted creature, if it doesn't, then that player re-rolls the die.
"Practice for Vegas, little buddy..."

Drunken Weasel
GGG
Creature
Drunken weasel is played as if it were an instant.
You may play Drunken weasel only during your opponent's turn.
When drunken weasel comes into play, all of target opponent's creatures gain provoke and double strike.
"I slept with your mother! I said I SLEPT with your mother!! I SAID I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!!!..."
"Shut up dad... You're Drunk!

 

[Mazzak]

Plasteline 1BG
Summon Evil Substance
T: target player loses a turn unless he or she pays RRR.
0/666
And for three days and two nights Mazzak toiled trying to discover a way to shape the stuff efficiently. In the end, he just set the crap on fire.

 

[Zhaneel]

Bipartisanship RWU
Sorcery
Have a policial debate with target opponent. The winner of the debate puts either a 2/2 red donkey creature or a 2/2 blue elephant creature into play.
Bipartisanship: I'll hug your elephant if you'll kiss my a**


Drunken Cleric
WWW
Creature - Cleric
When drunken cleric comes into play, tap target angel. That angel's controller gains 3 life.
T:Creatures you control gain protection from creatures you control until end of turn.
"Hello, sweetwings..."

 

[The Wise Jester]

Obnoxious Intervention 2UU
Instant
Counter target spell in target MAGIC: THE GATHERING game.
"What the hell? You're not playing blue!"

 

[Jigglypuff]

Genetic Experiment
UUUUU
Sorcery
Roll a 100-sided die. All creatures and creature cards that aren't in play are of the type:
(Sorry, but I'm too lazy to type out all of the creature types in the game. You'll just have to assign each creature type a number between 1 and 100 and imagine the rest of the text yourself.)

Whose Turn Is It?
W
Sorcery
You and target player in another MAGIC game switch seats.

Whose Cards Are These?
W
Sorcery
Remove all permanents from the game. Each player rolls a 20-sided die. Each player returns a number of permanents equal to the number he or she rolled to play under his or her control. If there are not enough permanents for one player, that player is SOL. If there are any permanents left over, they remain removed from the game.

What Time Is It?
W
Sorcery
Each player loses life equal to the number of minutes the game has been played.

(- Steve -)

 

[Zhaneel]

Jingle Bells
2
Artifact
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player must sing a jingle from a commercial. If he or she cannot, he or she loses 3 life. If any player repeats a jingle that has already been sung, he or she loses 5 life.

 

[Jigglypuff]

Gag
BB
Enchantment
Players may not speak or make any noises while playing. If any player speaks or makes a noise, sacrifice ~this~ and all other players may punch the offending player. That player is then removed from the game.

(- Steve -)

 

[Zhaneel]

Reprimand
4
Sorcery
Play only in a multi-player game.
Target player must leave the game and do any unfinished homework. If target player has no homework, that player may gloat for the rest of the game. If target player finishes homework and the game is still in session, that player may take X turns in a row, where X is half the number of turns he/she missed, rounded up.

Good Grammar
1GW
Enchantment
Whenever an opponent uses bad grammar, put a 1/1 green saproling into play.

 

[The Wise Jester]

Mad As Hell Golem
8
Artifact Creature- Golem Legend
Haste, Trample
Whenever Mad As Hell Golem is blocked, you may put 4 -1/-1
on target blocking creature.
6/4
"I thought Karn was a pacifist!"
- An utterly shocked Tsabo Tavoc

 

[Zero T Katama]

In homage of Rift's article:

Circle of Protection: Decking
1W
Enchantment

1: The next time a player is inconsiderate enough to mill cards from your library, you may deny the milling and tear the offending card up.

 

[Mazzak]

Green Strategy 8GG
Instant
Punch target player a lot. Bring your largest friend to help.
That player loses life equal to the number of decent-sized bruises they recieve.
Isn't it funny how the opposing colors to green are black and blue?

 

[Zero T Katama]

Rock-em-Sock-em Robots
RRR
Enchantment

For each damage dealt or life lost by a player, instead punch that player that many times. If a player recieves enough blows to bring him to 0, or is knocked out, whichever comes first, he loses the game.
Smack! Smack! Smack! Sproing!

Socking Shield
WWW
Enchantment
All punching effects are countered. If a player successfully hits or attempts to hit another player while ~this~ is in effect, he or she may be made to hit themselves.

"Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"

 

[WickedBoy6]

52-Pick Up - 1RR
Sorcery
Drop all cards currently in your deck. Target opponent has 15 seconds when the last card touches the ground to pick up the cards and face them all in the same direction. If he or she does, you lose 10 life. If not, that player loses 10 life.

 

[Jigglypuff]

On 52-Card Pickup:

Do you include any cards that aren't in your deck at the time but started the game there or do you just take whatever is currently in your deck and drop it? And do you start counting the 15 seconds after you drop the last card or do you start counting after the last card hits the ground? And would it be legal to start scattering the cards around or knocking them out of the player's hand while he's trying to sort them again?

(- Steve -)

 

[Jigglypuff]

Playground Bully
1BB
Creature - Big-Fat-Jerk
~This~ cannot attack if a creature with higher power is in play.
B: Aggressively shove the player who is currently taking their turn. If that player falls off of his chair, take an extra turn after this one. If the player doesn't fall off of his chair, skip your next turn.
98/99

(- Steve- )

 

[WickedBoy6]

Wow, this is a first: Errata about an unmade imaginary Unglued card.

I edited the post to reflect the new Errata. Also, I would think in good sportsmanship, it would be illegal to disrupt your opponent. Would you slap the Charm School off of your opponents head in a real duel? (You'd want to, but it's not good conduct)