Angry Letters to People Who'll Never Read Them

[Notepad]

Note: I saw this at another forum a while back. Decided it'd be a good place for anybody to come and vent if they need to. Just write a letter to vent, and it doesn't matter if the intended person doesn't read it.

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Dear Slowpokes,

I know you're drunk and all, especially this recent Cinco de Mayo, but could you please keep off the roadways? I can understand that your general lack of brains keeps you from going anywhere near the speed limit, but when you're drunk you get even stupider. That road sign that says the speed limit is 55 to me reads as merely 5 to you. Please get off the road.

So far you've been able to avoid me flipping you off or just slamming you off the road, because I try to be a courteous driver. However, my job requires me to drive at the speed limit in order to get things done under a reasonable amount of time.

When I have to sit behind your retarded butt in a huge metal box, strolling down five miles of road at one-third the speed limit, it makes me feel like ignoring my workplace rules prohibiting gun use while on duty.

Keep that in mind. I am seriously considering shooting you. And, my vehicle is often larger, so if I'm low on ammo on any particular day, I'll probably slam you off the edge of a bridge, which would be just as deadly.

No joke. I will kill you. People want their pizzas on time, and I value customer satisfaction over your worthless life.

Sincerely,
-Mr. Grumpy Driver Person

 

[Killer Joe]

The same goes for people who don't use turn signals because they want to protect their right to privacy!

DORKS!

 

[Spiderman]

I'm with you there KJ, except I'm occasionally guilty of it myself (but only on obvious lanes where I HAVE to be turning one way).

 

[Notepad]

Originally posted by Killer Joe
The same goes for people who don't use turn signals because they want to protect their right to privacy!

DORKS!

Dear Killer Joe,

Your point is good. I would write the same letter over again with the slowpokes references changed to "non-turn-signal-using-S.O.B.s" but you pretty much summed up an otherwise redundant driving-related gripe.

Thanks,
-Sefro

 

[mythosx]

wow, I think you shouldn't visit California then. NO ONE uses turn signals anymore. Even when they are cutting you off.

 

[Spiderman]

That's part of the definition of "cutting off". They swoop right in front of you with no warning

 

[EricBess]

As long as this is about driving traits that we don't like...I don't drive with the same people as SeFRo, but they might as well be.

Dear idiot drivers,

If you are in the fast lane and there is no one in front of you for two miles, but there is a huge lineup behind you that can't pass because there is only enough room for you to move into the next lane, but not enough for anyone to pass you, please use that space and let everyone through. See that guy in the blue Saturn 3 miles back, that's me and I would really appreciate it.

Also, if the person in your lane is driving 70 (the speed limit here) and you want to go faster than them, please do not pass them going 71. Either content yourself with 70 or pass at at least 75 and then go back to 71 when you are around them.

 

[Spiderman]

Hear, hear!

 

[Killer Joe]

Dear Traffic Heros,
You are to be commended for your efforts to try and regulate others bad car driving behaviors by anticipating red lights and going slower while the light is still clearly green or waiting a full 5 seconds before stepping on the gas pedal when the light DOES turn green or (as mentioned previously) driving to the exact inth of the speed limit <IN THE PASSING LANE!> therefore prohibiting anyone daring to push the speed limit by a FRACTION.

<breathe>

However, it is my belief that if we all just take it upon ourselves to regulate our own actions, therefore not causing ROAD RAGE, that we'd all be better off.

Sincerely, the guy driving behind you (for the last ten thousand miles).

PS - Tell your friend who slows down when driving through a tunnel that they need to pay attention to the BIG, REALLY BIG-BIG sign at the entrance of the tunnel that reads:
"MAINTAIN CURRENT SPEED WHILE DRIVING THROUGH THE TUNNEL".

 

[mythosx]

who the heck you all driving with? I can't go less than 90 where I lived in the states for fear of safety. Here in Japan is a hassle. The freeways top speed is like 60 km. thats roughly between 30 to 40 miles per hour. Anyone who watched Initial D and thought it was cool how fast they were driving and drifting at, please remember the numbers were in km and not miles. That's ghetto slow and not fast.

 

[Spiderman]

The US has considerably more open highways...

 

[Notepad]

Dear Japan,

Stop making crappy anime where the schoolgirl protagonists always have to show off in fanservice shots. It is very sad you would do such a thing with your drawings.

In the future, please make all fanservice shots involve only buxom, 20-something, fully-developed female protagonists.

Thank you,

-Mad Dog

 

[mythosx]

Dear Quentin Tarantino,

Stop making movies that focus too much on artistic shots and segues. Please pick out a real story for once.

John

 

[Notepad]

Dear Quentin,

What mythos said, plus...um, would it be too much for you to have a frontal nudity shot of Uma Thurman for once?

-Mad Dog

 

[orgg]

Dear Japan,

Make another season of Ultimate Muscle, PLEASE?

-The Orgg

 

[mythosx]

What is ultimate muscle? Is that the one with kevin mask?

I think there is another season. It is a pretty popular show here. They just released Kiniku man generations, which is the wrestling game on the ps2. It has a whopping 46 characters from both modern day and the 80's.

 

[orgg]

Right now, Kid Muscle is being thrashed by Kevin Mask. It has been confirmed that a fourth season is ~NOT~ currently in production, and the outcome of this match has been drastically altered and completly eradicates the potential for another season(at least according to those who know how the Manga goes).

...I'm glad it's popular, though. England, I presume? It just started running there.

Even the Toys are gone from these shores, though...

 

[mythosx]

Japan.

 

[train]

Dear W,

Can I be an honorary member of the skulls?

Thanks!

train.

 

[mythosx]

Dear lazy professional fighters,

I do not pay good money and take time out of my day to see fat people fight. Please have the deceny if you are a prize fighter to train and diet properly. I am not a professional, but I can at least find the time to jog every day or every other day.

Fight Fan