M
MrXarvox
Guest
Nyahaha! it doesn't matter that half of you voted not to see it, here it is anyway for the glory of all thyngs nonsenicalle!
Wundindlinyg: Episode 1, season 3: Hall-o-beans
(annotated edition)
...................................................
Setting 1
An extremely cheesy evil lair in a cave, complete with holographic map of world, superfluous jacob's ladders and lots of shiny buttons and screens. Slahgrumpacious speaks to the looming image of Glorlalahimphintyze on a screen while music obviously stolen from Emperor Palpatine's theme plays.
Slahgrumpacious: Greetings, my evil comrade. As of late the scanners on the Big Exodus Ship have been receiving signals from a planet as yet unseen. It seems to harbor sentient life. Does this not thrill you, with its prospect of conquest and POWER?
<evil incidental music>
Glorlalahimphintyze: Indeed it does. I shall take the Glorlalaspaceship to investigate, as it is much faster than the hulking mass upon which you ride. Send the coordinates at once, that I may get underway as soon as possible.
Slahgrumpacious: Here. They are being transmitted as we speak.
Glorlalahimphintyze: One more thing. Why are you in a cave? You should be on the Big Exodus Ship, monitoring lesser Wundindlinyg activity!
Slahgrumpacious: Ah... sorry. I'm merely located on a holo-deck of my creation. Really sets the mood for doing evil, doesn't it?
Glorlalahimphintyze: Haha, you always were eccentric, Slahgrumpacious. Just make sure no lesser Wundindlinyg stumbles upon your creation.
Slahgrumpacious: I assure you that there are measures taken to prevent that. Oh, and they are ingenious measures, too...*
Glorlalahimphintyze: They had better be. Do not underestimate the lesser Wundindlinygs, for they are in multitude and we both know what is said about stupid people in large groups.
Slahgrumpacious: Indeed we do. Transmission end.
<Both bow, and big screen switches off>
....................................
setting 2: the main hall of the Big Exodus Ship, where Wundindlinygs frolic about regularly. There are plants in every corner, and windows on every side.
Cricziricziric: I want a feast. I want a bean feast.
Seizuriesizesosize: Why do you want to eat beans? Especially you, being the most insane of all Wundindlinygs, and that's no small feat.
Cricziricziric: If I eat beans then I can pass wind and fly. Plus beans taste very tasty, they do. Specially with mustard.
Seizuriesizesosize: Repulsive as it sounds, that sounds verily edible.
Cricziricziric: I knooooooooooooow! I likes the beans! Give me the beans!
Seizuriesizesosize: <yells out to everyone in the hall> Anyone know where we can get some beans and mustard?
<in so doing, his lights flash extra fast. Everyone drops down with seizures, including Slahgrumpacious who had just exited his secret door and had fallen before he could close it.>
Seizuriesizesosize: Ooh... the secret lair of an evil Wundindlinyg! The perfect spot to find tons of beans and mustard! I bet he's got them stockpiled!
<Seizuriesizesosize drags Cricziricziric toward the door, which is cleverly hidden behind a miniature ficus tree. Slahgrumpacious begins to stir shortly after the blinking lights are no longer visible down his evil corridor.
Slahgrumpacious: Ahh... that was indeed unpleasant. Hehe. Look at all the writhing and catatonic! I hope this was in some way my doing...
<Slahgrumpacious closes the door and strolls off, whistling "It's so easy when you're evil" by Voltaire.
..........................................
Setting 3: Slahgrumpacious' evil lair again
<Cricziricziric regains consciousness>
Cricziricziric: Here I am!
Seizuriesizesosize: So you are, and what a happy occasion it is, considering that we have found the lair of Slahgrumpacious, and he has to have some beans around somewhere.
Cricziricziric: Aik! I fear the Slahgrumpacious! It might bite me, for it has many a sharp tooth, and oh so many weapons hidden within its puffy fur! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I run, run about in fear!
Seizuriesizesosize: Cut it out, will you? Slahgrumpacious isn't here!
<alarms begin going off, and the floor begins to shake>
Seizuriesizesosize: Oh my...
<a control panel comes up from the floor, and the alarms cease>
Cricziricziric: And still no bean for me.
Seizuriesizesosize: Hmmm... Why, the picture drawn on this control panel is exactly like this room here! I shall draw... A BEAN, AND A CAN OF MUSTARD!
Cricziricziric: I want my bean!
Seizuriesizesosize: Find me a pen, will you? It looks like it only takes paper.
Cricziricziric: I have one here in my toadflax vial. This vial contains toadflax and a pen, lucky for you.
<Seizuriesizesosize takes the pen and draws a bean and a jar of mustard, along with the necessary utensils for consumption. A moment of thought prompts him to write "x10000000" next to the bean, then he presses the big red enticing button. The whole room disappears and is suddenly filled with far too many beans.
Cricziricziric: beeeeeeeans!!!!!!!
Seizuriesizesosize: I have an idea! We shall have a party based around this "hall of beans"!
Cricziricziric: OOOOOOOO!!!! Hall-o-been**! Hallobeen!
<Seizuriesizesosize digs down through the beans to the control panel, and writes "party" and "costumed mascots" . he then presses the big red enticing button.
All the Wundindlinygs suddenly find themselves dancing about among many a bean>
Gebletangoshim: how can you stand to have a party where you squash such fresh new life?!
Gyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
<Gebletangoshim attacks the nearest costumed mascot with his tentacles. This alerts everyone to the presence of costumed mascots and the party quickly becomes a free-for-all.>
Seizuriesizesosize: I am so mischievous, I am. Hahahahaha!
............
Raslataglium: <with background of Wundindlinygs attacking each other and beans flying everywhere>(you knew it was coming) ...And now: Rasplataglium spouts off. I say, that this whole fiasco could have been prevented if the concept of the costumed mascot had not crossed Seizuriesizesosize's mind. The equation of costumed mascots to any form of levity has got to be one of the greatest fallacies ever conceived. They tend to engender animosity in practically every form of life, probably because they are ugly and stupid and partially armored. I say that costumes are nothing but creations of evil aliens, probably from the Glorlalaplanet, considering their puffy and malicious nature. Anyhow, it seems that these Wundindlinygs are enjoying the bloodshed behind me, and I've heard suggestions that this sort of thing happen each year on a feast day they would like to call "feast of the hall-o-beans". I hope not, for their sake.. but only time can tell with these wackos.
<a particularly large bean*** thwocks Rasplataglium unconscious.>
Cricziricziric: teach you to call me wacko.
........................................
To be continued.
* there are no measures, other than the fact that if someone asks for a drink on the control panel, they will have a bucket of whatever the drink is dumped upon them.
** a most clever play on the word "Halloween".
*** actually the head of a bean-shaped plush mascot.
Wundindlinyg: Episode 1, season 3: Hall-o-beans
(annotated edition)
...................................................
Setting 1
An extremely cheesy evil lair in a cave, complete with holographic map of world, superfluous jacob's ladders and lots of shiny buttons and screens. Slahgrumpacious speaks to the looming image of Glorlalahimphintyze on a screen while music obviously stolen from Emperor Palpatine's theme plays.
Slahgrumpacious: Greetings, my evil comrade. As of late the scanners on the Big Exodus Ship have been receiving signals from a planet as yet unseen. It seems to harbor sentient life. Does this not thrill you, with its prospect of conquest and POWER?
<evil incidental music>
Glorlalahimphintyze: Indeed it does. I shall take the Glorlalaspaceship to investigate, as it is much faster than the hulking mass upon which you ride. Send the coordinates at once, that I may get underway as soon as possible.
Slahgrumpacious: Here. They are being transmitted as we speak.
Glorlalahimphintyze: One more thing. Why are you in a cave? You should be on the Big Exodus Ship, monitoring lesser Wundindlinyg activity!
Slahgrumpacious: Ah... sorry. I'm merely located on a holo-deck of my creation. Really sets the mood for doing evil, doesn't it?
Glorlalahimphintyze: Haha, you always were eccentric, Slahgrumpacious. Just make sure no lesser Wundindlinyg stumbles upon your creation.
Slahgrumpacious: I assure you that there are measures taken to prevent that. Oh, and they are ingenious measures, too...*
Glorlalahimphintyze: They had better be. Do not underestimate the lesser Wundindlinygs, for they are in multitude and we both know what is said about stupid people in large groups.
Slahgrumpacious: Indeed we do. Transmission end.
<Both bow, and big screen switches off>
....................................
setting 2: the main hall of the Big Exodus Ship, where Wundindlinygs frolic about regularly. There are plants in every corner, and windows on every side.
Cricziricziric: I want a feast. I want a bean feast.
Seizuriesizesosize: Why do you want to eat beans? Especially you, being the most insane of all Wundindlinygs, and that's no small feat.
Cricziricziric: If I eat beans then I can pass wind and fly. Plus beans taste very tasty, they do. Specially with mustard.
Seizuriesizesosize: Repulsive as it sounds, that sounds verily edible.
Cricziricziric: I knooooooooooooow! I likes the beans! Give me the beans!
Seizuriesizesosize: <yells out to everyone in the hall> Anyone know where we can get some beans and mustard?
<in so doing, his lights flash extra fast. Everyone drops down with seizures, including Slahgrumpacious who had just exited his secret door and had fallen before he could close it.>
Seizuriesizesosize: Ooh... the secret lair of an evil Wundindlinyg! The perfect spot to find tons of beans and mustard! I bet he's got them stockpiled!
<Seizuriesizesosize drags Cricziricziric toward the door, which is cleverly hidden behind a miniature ficus tree. Slahgrumpacious begins to stir shortly after the blinking lights are no longer visible down his evil corridor.
Slahgrumpacious: Ahh... that was indeed unpleasant. Hehe. Look at all the writhing and catatonic! I hope this was in some way my doing...
<Slahgrumpacious closes the door and strolls off, whistling "It's so easy when you're evil" by Voltaire.
..........................................
Setting 3: Slahgrumpacious' evil lair again
<Cricziricziric regains consciousness>
Cricziricziric: Here I am!
Seizuriesizesosize: So you are, and what a happy occasion it is, considering that we have found the lair of Slahgrumpacious, and he has to have some beans around somewhere.
Cricziricziric: Aik! I fear the Slahgrumpacious! It might bite me, for it has many a sharp tooth, and oh so many weapons hidden within its puffy fur! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I run, run about in fear!
Seizuriesizesosize: Cut it out, will you? Slahgrumpacious isn't here!
<alarms begin going off, and the floor begins to shake>
Seizuriesizesosize: Oh my...
<a control panel comes up from the floor, and the alarms cease>
Cricziricziric: And still no bean for me.
Seizuriesizesosize: Hmmm... Why, the picture drawn on this control panel is exactly like this room here! I shall draw... A BEAN, AND A CAN OF MUSTARD!
Cricziricziric: I want my bean!
Seizuriesizesosize: Find me a pen, will you? It looks like it only takes paper.
Cricziricziric: I have one here in my toadflax vial. This vial contains toadflax and a pen, lucky for you.
<Seizuriesizesosize takes the pen and draws a bean and a jar of mustard, along with the necessary utensils for consumption. A moment of thought prompts him to write "x10000000" next to the bean, then he presses the big red enticing button. The whole room disappears and is suddenly filled with far too many beans.
Cricziricziric: beeeeeeeans!!!!!!!
Seizuriesizesosize: I have an idea! We shall have a party based around this "hall of beans"!
Cricziricziric: OOOOOOOO!!!! Hall-o-been**! Hallobeen!
<Seizuriesizesosize digs down through the beans to the control panel, and writes "party" and "costumed mascots" . he then presses the big red enticing button.
All the Wundindlinygs suddenly find themselves dancing about among many a bean>
Gebletangoshim: how can you stand to have a party where you squash such fresh new life?!
Gyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
<Gebletangoshim attacks the nearest costumed mascot with his tentacles. This alerts everyone to the presence of costumed mascots and the party quickly becomes a free-for-all.>
Seizuriesizesosize: I am so mischievous, I am. Hahahahaha!
............
Raslataglium: <with background of Wundindlinygs attacking each other and beans flying everywhere>(you knew it was coming) ...And now: Rasplataglium spouts off. I say, that this whole fiasco could have been prevented if the concept of the costumed mascot had not crossed Seizuriesizesosize's mind. The equation of costumed mascots to any form of levity has got to be one of the greatest fallacies ever conceived. They tend to engender animosity in practically every form of life, probably because they are ugly and stupid and partially armored. I say that costumes are nothing but creations of evil aliens, probably from the Glorlalaplanet, considering their puffy and malicious nature. Anyhow, it seems that these Wundindlinygs are enjoying the bloodshed behind me, and I've heard suggestions that this sort of thing happen each year on a feast day they would like to call "feast of the hall-o-beans". I hope not, for their sake.. but only time can tell with these wackos.
<a particularly large bean*** thwocks Rasplataglium unconscious.>
Cricziricziric: teach you to call me wacko.
........................................
To be continued.
* there are no measures, other than the fact that if someone asks for a drink on the control panel, they will have a bucket of whatever the drink is dumped upon them.
** a most clever play on the word "Halloween".
*** actually the head of a bean-shaped plush mascot.