Wundermas in July!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by MrXarvox, Jul 10, 2002.

  1. MrXarvox The Prettiest Man Alive

    On request from Ransac, it's the Wundindlinyg christmas special, a heartwarming story in which young Broborobobo learns the true meaning of Wundermas. Enjoy!




    Wundindlinyg episode 4: Wundermas Special

    SCENE 1: Old Wundindlinyg's Living Room. The fire is burning in the fireplace and the Old Wundindlinyg is sitting in his easy chair. Broborobobo walks up to him.

    Broborobobo: Old Wundindlinyg, what is the true meaning of Wundermas?

    Old Wundindlinyg: Who sent you? Was it yer ma? Dun't be buggin' me 'bout no true meanin' o' Wundermas. 'S only 'ere fer the young 'uns t' be getten the presents.

    Broborobobo: But my mommy said that there was a true meaning to Wundermas and so I should go ask you about it, 'cause you're old and old people know stuff.

    Old Wundindlinyg: Boy, yer ma tells you stuff to get rid ' you an' annoy me! Why, when you was just yea high she told you I had a fire engine hidden in my pants jus' so you'd go an' look for it. Dun't come talkin' to the Old Wundindlinyg about no true meanin's o' Wundermas. I just told you what it's about. Now git back to yer ma and tell her her plan ain't workin' this time.

    <The chimney shakes, soot pours down and then a burning Wundindlinyg comes shooting out of the fireplace.>

    Claussanassatas: Ow! ow! Ow! Why must the bulbous Wundermas spirit come down the chimney? Why? Why must I? I am too fat to do it anyway, so why must I use my supernatural Wundermas powers to do so? WHY???

    <Claussanassatas runs howling into the kitchen, where Broborobobo's mother mistakes him for Broborobobo and throws boiling water onto him>

    Claussanassatas: Agony! But at least I am no longer on fire!

    <A thoroughly charred and scalded Claussanassatas comes back into the living room.>

    Old Wundindlinyg: Dang burglars.

    Broborobobo: Wow! it's Claussanassatas, the plump and jolly Wundermas Spirit who gives presents to small Wundindlinygs at Wundermastime!

    Claussanassatas: Yeah. Real jolly. Please explain to me how one can burn his arse off several times in the same night and remain jolly.

    Broborobobo: He'd just have to be jolly, that's all. I can be jolly. Do you want to see me be jolly?

    Claussanassatas: No. I am here to explain the true meaning of Wundermas to you, small Wundindlinyg.
    Broborobobo: Wow! See, I told you, oldy pants! I said there was a true meaning of Wundermas, and Claussanassatas says there is too, so you're wrong, and old, and wrong!

    Old Wundindlinyg: Ye better shut up if you don't want my cane embedded in yer skull ya whipper snapper.

    Claussanassatas: Shut your mouths, you two. Now, I begin my story. It began long, long ago last Thursday….

    <screen does the whole ripply thing and the silly harp music used for flashback scenes>


    SCENE 2: Winter in Wundyville. Cricziricziric is sitting on a log pondering several things at once, eight of them being squirrels and the other being which flavor of sherbet he likes best. Weldleiwengien slinks by, shivering.

    Cricziricziric: Hey true evil character of the series, I think you need a sweater.

    Weldleiwengien: I do not need such frivolous things. <drops over, frozen stiff> I will thaw in the spring, and then, the world will once more tremble!

    Cricziricziric: If he can freeze, so can everyone! I will make everyone a sweater with the help of my trusty pair of pruning shears and my invisible buddy, 'Carl'!

    Carl: Hey. I am invisible.

    Claussanassatas: And so, Cricziricziric set out to make everyone a sweater. But before he could locate a flock of wild-and-wooly bears to gather the wool from, he came upon a magic lamp!

    Cricziricziric: Wow! A magical lamp! I will rub it to see if a genie comes out!

    Lamp: No such luck, kid. Ain't no genies in me.

    Cricziricziric: And it talks! What will I say? I know! What is your favorite flavor of sherbet?

    Lamp: I kind of like the date flavor.

    Cricziricziric: I knew you were a genie! Everyone knows that only genies like date flavored sherbet!

    Lamp: Dang. Busted. Well I might as well tell you how to get me out. You pull the cork.

    <Cricziricziric pulls out the cork, eats it, pulls out the next cork, and the genie comes out.>

    Genie: Why were there two corks?

    The Almighty Writer: Because I felt like putting in a random extra cork. Plus, Cricziricziric ate the first one even though I told him not to.

    Genie: Fine by me.

    Cricziricziric: And now you have to grant my wish!

    Genie: Erhem? I never said that you could have any wishes.

    Cricziricziric: Yes you did! In page 6, paragraph 4, line 2 of our contract.

    Genie: <looks at the contract that Cricziricziric has just produced> well, it seems to be in order, then, I guess. Did you get me drunk?

    Cricziricziric: Nope. Gimmee my wishes!

    Genie: Fine. You have three. Go ahead.

    Cricziricziric: First, I want <name removed> not to appear in this episode at all!

    Genie: <edits the script with a pen> Done.

    Cricziricziric: second, I want you to sign this contract and then hand it back to me five minutes ago.

    Genie: Done. Wait… I can't believe I did that!

    Cricziricziric: And finally…

    Genie: What is it, you little twit?

    Cricziricziric: I want you to make a new holiday, and you can be the star!

    Genie: The… star, you say?

    Cricziricziric: Yep! Like the Eggfest Jackalope, only you will be big! And fat! And go down the chimney! And give presents to the children! And this year, you will start by giving me a whole flock of wild-and-wooly bears for me to take wool from for sweaters!

    Genie: Why didn't you just ask for sweaters?

    Cricziricziric: That wouldst be idleness.

    Genie: Riiiiiight. So, may I ask, what will we call this holiday? And what will my name be? I can't just be the 'whatever-it's-called genie'.

    Cricziricziric: Well, it's wonderful and it is all about the Wundindlinygs, and it's going to be MASSIVE! So I think I'll call it Wundermas, and you, you can be called…

    Carl: I have a suggestion.

    Cricziricziric: Hey, Carl! I didn't see you there!

    Carl: That's because I'm invisible.

    Cricziricziric: I forgot. What's my buddy have to say???

    Carl: His name shall be Claussanassatas. And now that I have finished with the Naming, I must be going. Farewell, my friends, for my work here is done. I must now go to outer space, where I have to name an alien.

    <Screen does ripply thing again and it's back to the Living Room scene>

    Claussanassatas: And that is how I became the Wundermas spirit, and ever since, I have gone down chimneys and given gifts to children every Wundermas.

    Broborobobo: So what is the true meaning of Wundermas? What? What? I know you're going to tell me.

    Claussanassatas: The true meaning of Wundermas is for the children to get presents.

    Broborobobo: But that's what oldy pants said! You came all this way to tell me something that Old Wundindlinyg already told me? That's funny!

    Claussanassatas: No presents for you this year, you little ingrate.


    …And now, Rashplataglium Spouts Off!


    Rashplataglium: yes, Broborobobo is an ingrate. He was not grateful for what Claussanassatas had done for him, and was therefore a very bad boy and, according to the Big Fat Wundamentalist Book, he will "Have his feet set in poo and his head in the same, and his fur will be singed regularly by Four Great Opossums, which will have as their Lord an Ape, who will have as His Lord a Sloth, who will stand on high and deliver his Mercy to the Just, in the form of Low-Quality Energy Bars."


    <Claussanassatas eats Rashplataglium>


    Claussanassatas: Mmmm. Tasty!

    THE END
  2. Turtlewax Joe CPA Hater of Train

    *APPLAUSE*

    WOO FRIGGIN' HOO I LOVE THESE THINGS!!!!!!!

    props to Xarvy, you kicks ass for writing this
  3. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    IT'S WUNDERMAS!!!!!!!!! WUNDERMAS!!!!!!!!!


    HEY!!!!!! I DIDN'T GET ANY BAGELS IN MY WUNDERMAS LEDERHOSEN!!!!



    Ransac, cpa trash man

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