What if: Magic, the Movie

[Shiro, Time Devourer]

If MTG had a movie, who would star?

My thoughts:

Kamahl- Vin Diesel (Patrick Stewart is too cultured to play a barbarian.)

Laquatus- The guy who plays the 'fruity' looking white crewman on DS9

 

[theorgg]

Balthor - Randall Cobb (Lynard Smalls from Raising Arizona)

Abullshin - Jabba the Hutt

Llawan - Carrie Fisher

Grim Lavaman - Patric Stewart

 

[Chaos Turtle]

Braids - Bette Midler

Chainer - Jim Carrey

 

[Azreal the Soulmaster]

Originally posted by Chaos Turtle
Braids - Bette Midler

Chainer - Jim Carrey

Blasphemy

Braids- gah...um i can't think of anyone right now....but definetly not bette midler..

Chainer- Well as long as we're doing what ifs, lets say he is played by a young Malcom McDowell(hair dyed of course)

The First - Sir Ian McKellan

 

[theorgg]

Braids- Whoever plays Ms. Forrester on MST3K! She looks EXACTLY like her!

 

[FoundationOfRancor]

Either of Chainer should be played by Dafoe.

 

[Spiderman]

I would hope the plot would be a new one and not a familiar one or one using familiar characters. Then (hopefully) the majority would not have pre-set notions on how the characters should be.

 

[Istanbul]

Lieutenant Kirtar - Gilbert Gottfried
Major Teroh - Paul Reubens
Commander Eesha - Fran Drescher

Hey, birds screech, so you have to find appropriately abrasive voices.

 

[Chaos Turtle]

Yes! Yes! Brilliant, Istanbul!

 

[theorgg]

Originally posted by Istanbul
Lieutenant Kirtar - Gilbert Gottfried
Major Teroh - Paul Reubens
Commander Eesha - Fran Drescher

Hey, birds screech, so you have to find appropriately abrasive voices.

PER-FECT!!

 

[Shiro, Time Devourer]

(Cue Cypress Hill's 'Trouble' or Static X's 'This Is Not"
In a post-apocalyptic world, resources are scarce, the government is controlled by a corrupt cabal, and the gruesome entertainment of the fighting pits is a way of life.

Chainer/Carrey: Welcome to the Cabal Pit. I'm Chainer, the Dementia Master. This (pointing to chain) is why they call me Chainer, this (pointing to head) is why they call me demented, and this (As a Faceless Butcher appears) is why they call me master.

Everyone seeks the Mirari, a prize so valuable that people will want it, regardless of any cost.

Patriarch/Dennis Hopper: The fight's about to begin, I hope you two play nicely.

Kamahl/Diesel: (Laughs quietly) You don't understand. I didn't come her to play. (Music stops) I came here to win.

(Bursting chorus of soundtrack song, random shouting of Star names. It's.... time.... to.... deal.... in.)

Braids: The pits have their own form of mercy.

(Continued chorus, STARTS FRIDAY, <date unknown>)

 

[Ransac]

The Soulgorger Orgg: Jensen Bohren

The Wild Mongrel: Woody Allen

The Bumbling(not shambling) Swarm: The Milwaukee Brewers




Rnsac, cpa trash man

 

[Sammy Dead-O]

Somehow I knew that first one was coming, Ransac!

I wonder if there are any Magic-playing star actors out there that would go nuts for a chance to be in the movie.

 

[train]

I think patrick stewart could be "Tim" the prodigal sorcerer.

ZZ top could play as the elders and wizards,

and Cuba Gooding Junior the black mage from mirage...