The worst deck in the world!!

[Ophidian]

I need your help guys. I bet a friend of mine that I could take the absolute worst cards in the game of magic and make a deck that would beat him. Sounded easy at the time. Well, I would like to know what you think are the worst cards in the game.

"This should be interesting..."

 

[Zadok001]

You could start with Thought Lash and Donate.

Mix in some bad countermagic (though there are people who would tell you there's no such thing), Boomerang, Wall of Air, etc...

 

[Ophidian]

I am already working a donate-thought lash-ertai's familiar deck. I was thinking about trying to use Armageddon Clock (again..), but I can't figure out a way to make it work without playing a u/w deck.

 

[Spiderman]

I didn't think Armageddon Clock is that bad if you use the "cheesy" CoP: Artifact. I remember some old school deck using pre-Fallen Empires expansion cards for damage redirection too.

What about Diminishing Returns? Or Lion's Eye Diamond since everyone seems to think it got neutered after 6th rules?

 

[Duel]

Or, if you actually want to make it difficult on yourself, put together a Red ward/orcish rocket thingamajig (tap: 2 damage to target creature or player, 3 damage to itself. And put in brothers of fire.

 

[Spiderman]

Is that Orcish Artillery? And I think it does 3 damage to the owner, not itself.

 

[Gizmo]

I think that all too often these decks are going to turn into some bizarro combo deck to negatethe downside on a card, so probably you should begin by throwing out any ideas that involve Donate as basically cheating. I thought the idea was to play with bad cards, not to make your opponent play with bad cards.

I think you should look to try something like Malignant Growth, which would be a good technical deck to build - the card can win games but it is SO hard to play around that it probably constitutes a bad card. It would make for an interesting deckbuilding challenge, and certainly an interesting game:

Malignant Growth, UG3, Mirage (Rare)
Enchantment
During your upkeep put a counter on Malignant Growth.
During your upkeep you must pay 1 for each counter on Malignant Growth or sacrifice Malignant Growth.
During your opponent`s draw phase that player draws an additional card and takes one damage for each counter on Malignant Growth.

"Not only am I going to play a card that has a cumulative upkeep... not only that but it actually makes you draw cards... and not only that but I am going to be tapping out each turn in order to pay for you drawing those extra cards.
And I`m STILL going to win!"

Alternatively Kobalds are pretty much ass.

 

[The Magic Jackal]

Pick up a copy of this months inquest, they have the editor face off against a pro, and they both have to use decks revovling around crappy creatures.

 

[Ophidian]

Well, I think I have the start of a deck, let me know what you think

3x Armageddon Clock
3x Rop: Artifacts
4x Raging Goblin
3x Aliban's Tower
1x Null Brooch
2x Juju Bubble
3x Guerrilla Tactics
2x Fireblast
2x Onslaught
3x Youthful Knight

I think I will try to keep this a two-color deck, but I've got a lot of room to fill. I guess it won't be that hard, it's pretty easy to find a crappy card when you need it. There is one card that I cannot remember the name, out of Antiquities, said something like "all damage dealt to you by artifacts is added to your life instead of subtracted'. I'll drop a few of those in once I figure out what cadt it is.

 

[Ura]

it sounds like your working in the right direction so far, however several of the cards on your deck list are fairly decent. Fireblast, Null Brooch, Raging Goblin, and Guerrila Tactics are all decent cards.
I just did my own version of the DCI invitational at my shop as a mini tournament and some of the featured junk cards were things such as Snow fox with no snow covered lands, marsh gas, and pradish gypsies. I gave them memory lapse for a counter type card since it doesn't truely counter, just delays for a turn. The best burn card they had was flare. Even though its a cantrip, its only 1 damage for 3 mana. I also was nice and gave them a jangling automaton with no enchantments or spell to combo it with like venom or cloak of mists.
I still would love to see a really good (or even decent) Pradish Gypsies deck that didn't involve some psycho tap/untap combo.

 

[Spiderman]

Since you're using white there's Reverse Damage or Reverse Polarity(?) which may be the card you're thinking of.

 

[superguy]

Damn, I guess I'm not the first one to think of thought lash/donate combo. Oh well, now back to testing my squirrels...

 

[The Magic Jackal]

Isn't trying to make a bad deck counter productive? If you really want to lose, don't play any cards

 

[Duel]

Absolutely Jackal, it's counter productive but fun. Taking all the bad cards and realizing that most (not all, I admit) cards can stand up and fight is a refreshing experience, plus it makes for great stories:
"It was a Snow Hound Beatdown deck..."

 

[Duel]

reverse damage is not nearly bad enough to put in the deck. You might want to add cards like ashnod's trasformation. Plus, raging goblin is a great card. you might want to throw in Pegasus Stampede for good measure. It'll do nicely.
Goblin War drums is ideal for this deck, and if you just want a bad card that could turn out decent, there's always flare.

 

[Gryphonclaw]

Bad card decks....
Ya gotta love the crap Wotc comes out with to balance their cheese.

Like ignoble soldier from MM, 3/1 white creature that deals no damage if it is blocked.
Or moulting harpy, with an upkeep that totally negates it's speed.

But those are recent, there's also root spider, from homelands, a particularly crappy card, with very little usefulness.
Now I know that most people consider all homelands cards to be crap, except for baron sengir, autumn willow, serrated arrows, etc. but the only problem with the cards were that they had a limited range of uses, so that would probably be the definition of a bad card. Either that or one with a prohibitive casting cost.
IMHO there is no such thing as a totally useless card, but there are a few with such totally limited uses they come close.

Also I must agree with the others, raging goblin, guerilla tactics, and particularly fireblast are too good to go in a bad deck.

And as for the purpose of a bad deck, it is twofold. First it is incapable of making 'hiccup' games, games that last about as long as a hiccup. And second it can force you to actually think about your plays.
Oh yes there is a third reason, they can be just plain fun.

"Aha, you're playing blue, my sea troll is now much more powerful."

 

[Spiderman]

I'm not familiar with Ignoble Soldier, but it sounds like Orgg, where people first thought it was crap. It's probably easier to say than do, but shouldn't removing your opponent's creatures be a good policy no matter what? (To get around the Soldier's drawback). Or give it some evasive ability (flying, shadow). I guess I don't know the casting cost to know whether the Soldier is worth it.

 

[FoundationOfRancor]

lol superguy! You stole my quote! Or did I steal yours..........

 

[Dune Echo]

Spiderman, you're going to laugh when you understand just how bad Ignoble Soldier is:

IGNOBLE SOLDIER
2W
Creature — Soldier
3/1
Whenever Ignoble Soldier becomes blocked, prevent all combat damage that would be dealt by it this turn.

Okay, isn't Craven Giant like way better than this? You can't Dwarven Warriors these things, you can't Rancor them. They just plain suck! They're essentially a 3/1 wall unless your opponent can't block.

You know, I vote to errata bad cards. Anyone with me?

IGNOBLE SOLDIER
2W
Creature — Soldier
3/1
Whenever Ignoble Soldier becomes blocked, prevent all combat damage that would be dealt to it this turn.

Notice the one word change of "by" to "to" makes this card go from a dog's chew-toy to a powerhouse card. You can still kill this guy with direct damage and he doesn't automatically kill a wall. Of course, this creature might be too good as you can't kill him by blocking and what sane white mage wouldn't just keep attacking round after round with this guy?

[Edited by Dune Echo (03-20-2000 at 12:38 PM).]

 

[Spiderman]

Dune: Ohhhhh....

Well, can't think of a use for them now then. Maybe if their casting cost was 2 they'd be better/worth it.