i have two offensive jokes for yall, if you want others, buy a truly tastless jokes book.
a nun was very pleased when she was asked to play golf with the bishop one morning. on the third hole the bishop missed a somewhat easy put and exclamed "****ing ****, i missed!"
The nun, quite surprised, said "Now father, you know better than that." But the bishop took no notice.
Then on the seventh hole, the bishop missed another put, to have his ball fall into a water trap. " ****ing ****, I missed!" he uttered. The nun, greatly offended, said " holiness, if you keep up such obscene behavior, the lord will surely take notice."
On the eighteenth hole the bishop misputted again and yelled "****ing ****, I missed!" And sure enough a thundercloud swirled overhead, and in a flash of lightning the nun was replaced with a pile of ashes. Then a mighty voice rang down from the heavens, "****ING ****, I MISSED!"
another, more resembling the pigmy joke.
Three young men, the only survivors of a mid atlantic plane crash, washed ashore on a deserted island. While wandering, they came upon a pigmie village and were promptly captured and tied up. The cheiftan approached and said "You have two choices, we kill you and use your heads as ornaments, or you take the trials of kokohame and become a member of the tribe."
All the men chose to take the trials, and were instructed to find ten peices of fruit then return to the encampment. the first returned with oranges. "now," the cheiftan explained,"you must force all of the fruit up you rear without laughing or crying, or else we'll kill you." The first man got to 3 before bursting into tears. the pigmies killed him, and the second man arrived with grapes. he attemped the challenge and was all the way to ten before he started laughing. as he arrived at the pearly gates the first man asked,"why did you laugh? you were so close!"
The second man, still chuckling, said "i saw tom coming with pinapples."