REALLY offensive joke

I

Istanbul

Guest
And lo, Jesus hung upon the cross, battered and bruised and beaten.



And God did come down to him and say, "Fear not, my son. I have good news for you."



Jesus cast a hopeful eye to the heavens and said, "Will the sinners repent their ways? Will I serve as a guide and model for them?"




.




.




(wait for it)



.



And God did reply, "No, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Nice cross, though."
 
T

train

Guest
I don't find this offensive to christianity...

Why would you think so Isty?...
 

Spiderman

Administrator
Staff member
Well, it's basically making fun of the whole premise/foundation of Christianity. So it depends if you're a religious person who likes to keep it sacred or not...
 
R

Reverend Love

Guest
Ok, ok, ok...I've got a joke you've just got to hear.

These two British noblemen are preparing for a hunting expedition through the Amazon. Prior to departure they're warned of a viscous group of pygmies, known to torture then kill outsiders. Taking the warning with a grain of salt they depart only to caught by said pygmy tribe.

Secured to a post in the middle of a the village the Elder approaches and in broken English presents them with two options:

"Death....or Roo-Roo"

He turns to the younger of the two Brits and presents his choices..

"Death.. or Roo-Roo"

Stricken the young man starts jumbling about his wife and children only to again be questioned.

"Death or Roo-Roo"

Flustered the young noblemen screams out "ROO-ROO!".

Upon his answer all the male pygmies began chanting gleefully, "Roo-Roo, Roo-Roo!!" Then take turns raping him. After the final pygmy takes his go, they free him.

The Village elder turns to the remaining noblemen...

"Death or Roo-Roo"

Witnessing the events the older British noblemen takes no time answering the question.

"I'll take death!"

Surprised by the answer the Elder replies, "Death.....no one picks death"

Obviously displeased the Elder calls together a his council to convene on this matter..finally a decision made he returns.

"Ok, we give you death...by Roo-Roo!"
 
K

kirby_1111

Guest
And God did reply, "No, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
As a Christian, I am offended, but honestly, I saw it coming a mile away.

However, death by Roo-Roo was very funny.
 
D

Doombringer

Guest
i have two offensive jokes for yall, if you want others, buy a truly tastless jokes book.

a nun was very pleased when she was asked to play golf with the bishop one morning. on the third hole the bishop missed a somewhat easy put and exclamed "****ing ****, i missed!"

The nun, quite surprised, said "Now father, you know better than that." But the bishop took no notice.

Then on the seventh hole, the bishop missed another put, to have his ball fall into a water trap. " ****ing ****, I missed!" he uttered. The nun, greatly offended, said " holiness, if you keep up such obscene behavior, the lord will surely take notice."

On the eighteenth hole the bishop misputted again and yelled "****ing ****, I missed!" And sure enough a thundercloud swirled overhead, and in a flash of lightning the nun was replaced with a pile of ashes. Then a mighty voice rang down from the heavens, "****ING ****, I MISSED!"

another, more resembling the pigmy joke.

Three young men, the only survivors of a mid atlantic plane crash, washed ashore on a deserted island. While wandering, they came upon a pigmie village and were promptly captured and tied up. The cheiftan approached and said "You have two choices, we kill you and use your heads as ornaments, or you take the trials of kokohame and become a member of the tribe."
All the men chose to take the trials, and were instructed to find ten peices of fruit then return to the encampment. the first returned with oranges. "now," the cheiftan explained,"you must force all of the fruit up you rear without laughing or crying, or else we'll kill you." The first man got to 3 before bursting into tears. the pigmies killed him, and the second man arrived with grapes. he attemped the challenge and was all the way to ten before he started laughing. as he arrived at the pearly gates the first man asked,"why did you laugh? you were so close!"
The second man, still chuckling, said "i saw tom coming with pinapples."
 
C

Chaos Turtle

Guest
The funniest part of the golf joke was that the bishop was SO bad that a PUTT went into a WATER TRAP! That's pretty bad.

Oh, well, here's mine.

Two nuns on mopeds are heading back to the mission after a long day of alms-collection. Rounding a bend in the road, Sister Mary Agnes says, "Sister Mary Francis, turn left up here. It's a shortcut."

The sisters make the left onto a cobblestone street. Bumping along, Sister Mary Francis says, "Heavens, Sister Mary Agnes, I don't believe I've ever come this way before."

"It's the cobblestones, Sister."
 
D

Doombringer

Guest
ok, maybe im too young to get that, but whats so funny 'bout it?
 
C

Chaos Turtle

Guest
I'd tell you, but maybe you really are too young, in which case I'd be bad for telling you.

Then again, maybe it's just not funny. Maybe if they were on rickety bicycles with those awful seats that jam into your crotch every time you hit a tiny little bump, then it would be funny.
 
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