Quard quarrispondance

[theorgg]

For those of you who don't know who Quard is/was/were, he's a Magic humourist from yesteryears, akin to Jamie Wakefield in his status as a wrighter, but for different reasons. I can't find any mention of him on the Server Not Found page for The Dojo, and the Vault magazine(predissessor of The Dojo) went down years ago, so those articles are also lost.

He recently wrote a small piece for NG's website, and I e-mailed him about it. Here's his responce, followed by my question on use of the printed wrighting on this site, followed in quadruplicate with his answer...

If an admin knows the address, feel free to paste it here:

E-mails will be separated by my usual "~~~~" line, and my words will be in italics...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From :
"Vincent Navarino" <quardd@hotmail.com>

To :
theorgg@dork.com
........................... <-- this was the same on all the e-mails...
Subject :
Re: Do you still play M:tg?

Date :
Wed, 25 Jul 2001 00:59:33 -0700




It's nice to see the best Magic humourist wrighting again, even if it >is
just to say "hi".


Thank you very much for the kind words, really. Now I'm going to have to
kill you. It's nothing personal you understand, its just that if I kill the
next batch of people that mention my name on the web or email me,
interrupting my retirement, then maybe...just maybe no one will ever wake me
up again.

Yes, I'm kidding. I just get a tad cranky when my Mai-Tai glass is not
filled up when I wake up on the beach.

Ah...that's better. Now hold out your hand. Keep still....

(swing)
*miss*
I haven't had enough Mai-Tai's yet. Just hold still...

I was wondering if you still played Magic. If so, I'd like to >recommend a
pretty good magic forum to you: the CPA. >www.casualplayers.org is their
address, and the forums are beond doubt >the best (open) forums on the
'net.


I really haven't played in a while but I still have some cards and scan the
sites from time to time and all. I'm happy to see Magic is still around and
people are having fun, and still remembering me and my works so kindly.

I promise to check out your site, I love the name and the concept behind it.
Casual playing is what I was always about. Well that and retiring on a sandy
beach filled with scantily clad natives...wink wink nudge nudge know what I
mean...

(Ferratio chitters irritably)

FOR GOD SAKES WILL SOMEONE GIVE HIM ANOTHER KITTEN DIPPED IN CHEESE-WIZ?!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M PAYING YOU ALL FOR?! HUH????!!

(An aforementioned scantily clad native mutters something to Ye Ole Fly
Head)

Oh, I forgot, I'm not paying you. Nevermind.

(Ferratio chitters angrily)

Well you could get off your furry arse and get one yourself

OW! HEY! OFF! OW! OW! OKOK, here!

I won't take too much of your time telling you how oddly funny your >old
articles on the dojo(The Dojo is Dead! Long Live The Dojo!) were, >so I'll
just close the letter right here.


Thanks again for the kind words, doing Quard's Corner was such an easy and
most rewarding thing for me and I can't thank everyone enough. Thankies.
It's very flattering every time doze off lately or email someone it turns
up on a the front page of a website. It's gotta be the ferret, kids dig the
ferret.

I shall indeed stop by your site and look around, and thanks for the email,
it's a pleasure to talk to you.

-Quard
PS. Will someone get this weasel off my nads?! AIIIIIEEE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOL.

Uhh... would you mind the previous e-mail going up on the front page >of the CPA? or at least the forums? It's that kind of genious that >HAS to be shared somehow...


*sigh* OK. Send me the link when posted. Geez, Quard Sneezes, new front page article. Grrrrr.

-Quard
I'M RETIRED!!!! AIIIEEEEE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOL.

Uhh... would you mind the previous e-mail going up on the front page >of the CPA? or at least the forums? It's that kind of genious that >HAS to be shared somehow...


*sigh* OK. Send me the link when posted. Geez, Quard Sneezes, new front page article. Grrrrr.

-Quard
I'M RETIRED!!!! AIIIEEEEE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOL.

Uhh... would you mind the previous e-mail going up on the front page >of the CPA? or at least the forums? It's that kind of genious that >HAS to be shared somehow...


*sigh* OK. Send me the link when posted. Geez, Quard Sneezes, new front page article. Grrrrr.

-Quard
I'M RETIRED!!!! AIIIEEEEE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOL.

Uhh... would you mind the previous e-mail going up on the front page >of the CPA? or at least the forums? It's that kind of genious that >HAS to be shared somehow...


*sigh* OK. Send me the link when posted. Geez, Quard Sneezes, new front page article. Grrrrr.

-Quard
I'M RETIRED!!!! AIIIEEEEE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`


So that concludes my recent touch(via e-mail) with another Magic great. It wasn't an interview, and I think it's too short to have a front-page article(according to the CPA's newer rules on that), so here it is, in all the glory of it... Even in the quadruplicate that MUST have somthing to do with somthing or another... Or mabe hotmail had a server fart... It's happened before...

 

[Zadok001]

*sound of applause!*

Quard rocks. His humor ain't my style, but he's still funny...

 

[Spiderman]

They were a bit jumpy but still higher class of "humor" than most of the others that fell into that Dojo category (like "How to Impulse Like A.... " )

 

[Dementia]

What a crazy guy

He sounds like me....you know. If I was funnier and more people liked me

This guy used to write articles? Wish I coulda seen them.

 

[Gerode]

QUARD!

I probably wouldn't be involved in the online Magic community if I hadn't have stumbled upon Quard's articles in VaultMag!

Is there ANYWHERE were I can get some of his old articles?

 

[Chaos Turtle]

...and I think it's too short to have a front-page article(according to the CPA's newer rules on that)

Not rules... guidelines.

 

[theorgg]

Does this mean that this will become a featured thread?

I think I"ll ask Quard if we can archive his older articles here if he still has them on his computer...

It seems that The Dojo and the Vault is gone... dead... so mabe he'll allow it if he still has the articles...

Or not, as I think he doesn't want to be in the limelight again..

 

[Quard]

[Somewhere on a sunny island paradise scantily clad natives hold a self-professed ex-Magic humorist's laptop still while his imaginary trained typing and getting-portly ferrett slaves over the tiny keys]

Hey guys, what's new? Nice to meetchas.

[Quard waves for a Mai-Tai refill]

I thank you one and all for your nice comments here and Orggie's emails. *blink* Orggie? Sounds like a Sunday morning cartoon, someone get that boy a regular name, musta been rough on the playground...

...anyhoo, just thought since you all were kind enough to say such nice things about moi (it appears that PR guy I hired did a good Spin-job on that whole public nudity thing) the least I could so was stop bye and say thank you for the fruit basket. The one that you sent. That's in the mail to me. You know the one on it's way as we speak..hint hint nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean?

{cricket chirp]

{pause}

{3 blank stares}

Uh, f'get it... nice to meet you all and I wanted you to know that after I was informed the Dojo went offline taking my articles and the entire continent of Papua New Guinea with it I have just finished re-assembling all the Quard's Corner articles, as well as adding some autobiographical comments to them, kinda a look-back at it all perspective. My old friends that now run Meridan Magic will shortly be hosting the Official Quard's Corner Archives there so that all you nice people can once again (or for once) read and enjoy them on-line.

I will be sending Orggie here the articles as well so he can repost them monthly at the CPA for kicks, it was such a nice request he emailed me, filled with lotsa grovelling and praise, so how could I refuse?

Nice site, and as any Quard's Corner reader knows, I dig Casual Players. Thanks for the kind words!

-Quard
Be well, and remember to goose a stranger

 

[Spiderman]

Welcome to our little corner of the world

 

[Bob]

Welcome to the CPA Quard.

I remember reading your articles. Funny stuff...

I'm one of the stranger members...sometimes i'm psychopathic, sometimes I'm not...

I feel kinda psychopathic today..Oo

Heh Heh Heh....

*Pulls out a bloody axe and starts randomly slashing things...*

 

[Apollo]

Yay! Quard's back! He was the best!

*uh, oh, I've been spotted!*

Apollo ducks and runs off again.

 

[Gerode]

How are the voices in your head doing?

 

[Quard]

Apollo: I'm NOT really back, still retired..ah, hold one sec.

YOU! <point> REFILL!

Lazy scantily clad natives.

As I was saying I'm not back, still retired, just working on that 2 year tan.

Gerode: Unfortunately all 8 distinctive voices are doing well, still tormenting me with invented lyrics to old infomercials. *shudder* The frightening thing is they still haven't managed to hit one key correctly.

Oh, and before I forget, Apollo, you can run but you can't hide. Ferratio just ate your last left sock. Buy more.

See you around guys,
Quard

 

[Apollo]

Not me!

OK, OK, how's this: Yay! Quard's alive and making an occasional crazy comment, not that he is in any way back nor writing again and is in fact quite retired and buzy tormenting scantily-clad natives.

Oh, and Quard, I'm a bird. I don't wear socks. I tried a few times, but the talons kept poking through. So I doubt Ferratio ate my sock. Perhaps it was Gerode's.

Maybe I can't run, but I can fly! Toodles!