C
Captain Caveman
Guest
I got this in the email today.
If Noah had lived in the United States in current times, the story May have
gone something like this: And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, In one year,
"I am going to make It rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh
is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every
kind of Living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and
trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said
the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one-year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas
of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front
yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me,"
cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit
for construction, and you plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an
engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over
whether or not the Ark needed A sprinkler system and approved floatation devices.
Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building
the Ark In my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife
Service won't let me take the 2 owls. The carpenters formed a union and went on strike.
I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone
would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no
owls. "When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued
me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.
Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly
to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed Flood plain.
I sent them a globe. "Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing Discrimination by not taking
atheists aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state
that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational
water craft'. And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event,
and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or
six years." Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas
began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," He said sadly. I don't have to.
The government already has!
If Noah had lived in the United States in current times, the story May have
gone something like this: And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, In one year,
"I am going to make It rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh
is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every
kind of Living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and
trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said
the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one-year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas
of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front
yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me,"
cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit
for construction, and you plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an
engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over
whether or not the Ark needed A sprinkler system and approved floatation devices.
Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building
the Ark In my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife
Service won't let me take the 2 owls. The carpenters formed a union and went on strike.
I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone
would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no
owls. "When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued
me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.
Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly
to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed Flood plain.
I sent them a globe. "Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing Discrimination by not taking
atheists aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state
that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational
water craft'. And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event,
and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or
six years." Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas
began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," He said sadly. I don't have to.
The government already has!
. Do u have anymore of those? Post 'em if u do!!