Mountain Dew is a government conspiracy!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Hawaiian mage, May 14, 2001.

  1. Hawaiian mage CPA symbiod

    I swear, it's true. Today is the thrid time I got one of those new liter bottles of code red cherry flavored Mountain Dew. It tastes like cough syrup mixed in with mountain dew. At my school they'r serving them at the student store as a big special thing right now, and today I noticed that the money I gave them for the red drink went into a special money sleeve that said "mountain dew $1.40."

    Now some of your know about the effects of regular MD(Mountain Dew.) They use the color additive Yellow 5 which in lab tests has shown to decrease sperm count in males. Some of you have probably also noticed that MD is the best f**kin' soda ever. I mean, this stuff is more addicting then orange soda; that's a feat hard to accomplish.

    Put the facts together: decreases sperm count, makes you want to drink more.

    Now, something else I noticed today. The code red MDs that I've been buying ALSO have Yelllow 5 in it's contents. Now, why does a RED drink have YELLOW coloring additives? Maybe it's just to give it a more orange color, but why are they using Yellow 5 instead of some other, less sterilizing, coloring?

    Now, my last point. The commercials are directed toward physically active mocho people. If you think about it, which type of person is more likely to have sex without contraceptives then a slightly moronic jock?

    Can't you people put two and two together? MD is controled by the government as a way to prevent unwanted pregnancies! The way the government sees it, if there aren't any more teen pregnancies then they wont have to keep dishing out wellfare money to support a slut that couldn't settle for masturbation a few years.

    I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but it's still a conspiracy...
  2. Cateran Emperor Passed On

    Spider monkeys are the devil's work!
  3. Gerode Becoming a Lurker Again

    Uh, of course...
  4. Sammy Dead-O wasting away again

    I'm not sure about the conspiracy, but I can say that the phrase "Do the Dew" is a pretty big turn-on.
  5. terzarima New Member

    Sammy you dirty Irishman!!!

    I don't know, your whole talk reminds me of a show called spy-groove, which is damn funny, but I'm not sure if you U.s people get it.

    I don't think Mountain dew is good, in fact, all pop is bad... These are my opinions, not yours, I'm JOE sports...
  6. Istanbul Sucker MCs call me sire.

    "Mountain Dew is a government conspiracy!"

    Well, DUH.
  7. Spiderman CPA Man in Tights, Dopey Administrative Assistant

    Are you being serious, HM? If so, would you be offended if I chortle, guffaw, and generally LMAO?

    If not, would you heartily accept my apologies for doing it anyway?

  8. superguy Helpful CPA Member MAGICBOY

    Gerode, was that from Inquest?

    Others: The only kind of pop I drink now (unless I'm like really thirsty) is either Iced Tea or Root Beer, and hardly drink them at all. I try to drink a lot of water though. It's healthier and stuff.
  9. Ransac CPA Trash Man

    A conspiracy? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoooooo. That's a good one. I think the friendly people at Pespi-Cola would never try to do something to us unnoticed.

    *Ransac opens his wallet and speaks in to it.*

    Ransac to base, Ransac to base. The hawaiian knows to much. He must be dealt with.

    *Everybody stares at Ransac with a quizzitive expression.*

    Um, that was, uh, just a figure of speech.

    Ransac, cpa trash man
  10. Chaos Turtle Demiurgic CPA Member, Admin Assistant

    All your base are belong to us..
    Return to your homes.
    Yellow #5 is good for you.
    There is nothing left to see here.
    Mountain Dew Red Zone tastes great.
    Everything is going to be all right now.
    DO the Dew!
  11. TURD CUTTER!!! Mr. Happy

    I have a sudden urge to do the dew...
  12. Gerode Becoming a Lurker Again

    superguy: No.

    If you know about the MD plot, then you are probably already familiar with the conspiracy about...

    Wait, you know too much already.

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