JOKES

K

KaVu_LoRd

Guest
why did raggity anne get kicked out of the toy chest???


she sat on pinnoceos face and screamed " LIE TO ME!!!!!!!

THIS NEXT 4 ARE RACIAL ( no i am not racist these are just funny)

why shouldnt you throw rocks at a mexican on a bike?
because its probly your bike!

a mexican and a black are in a car. who is driving??
the cop

>>> i have nothing agaist blacks.. i think everyone should own one!! seriously though, i have a black in my family tree. hes still hanging there

SORRY I HAD TO PUT EM ON
 
K

KaVu_LoRd

Guest
a blond and a brunette are outside and the brunete says" awww, a dead bird!" the blond looks up and says "were???"

A blonde and a brunet are in an elevater and a hot guy comes in. he gets off on the next floor and dandruff flakes off his head. the brunette says " i guess for Xmas we can give him HEAD & SHOULDERS"
the blonde replies " how do you give shoulders?"


hehe get it GIVE HEAD as in BLOW
 
K

KaVu_LoRd

Guest
a mother is baking a cake for her 3 sons and accidently hit a canaster of BBs into it. she never noticed it and 2 hours later the youngest son came into the room and said, " mommy i pooped metal BBs!". The mother thought he was lieing. soon after that the oldest son walked in and said "mom i just peed BBs."g now the mom thought it was a not so funny joke. an hour later the middle son walked in crying. The mom asked "whats wrong?" the son replied " i killed the dog when i was masterbating!!!"
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
the morning of thanksgiving
The father slammed down the phone
"Damn i hate those B**ches and B*st*rds!!!"
jimmy, being a young curios boy, asked " whats a B**ch and a B*st*rd?"
"well son, thats your aunt and uncle."

downstares the mother was slicing the turky. she cut herself and yelled "F*C*!!!!"
now jimmy, being a young child,asked, "whats F*C* mommy?"
"OH!!!!ummm.....Jimmy thats what you do to the turkey!"

Jimmy walked up the stairs to the bathroom later, and his dad was shaving. he nicked himself and said "SH*T!"
"whats sh*t daddy?"
"thats what you put on your face son."

at 3:00 the doorbell rang and jimmy said " ill get it!"
it was his aunt and uncle.
" oh hi B**ches and B*st*rds my dads upstairs puting sh*t on his face and my mom is f*c*ing the turkey"
 
L

Loafing Giant

Guest
KaVu LoRd I told you not too many! ohhhhh well I can't stop you

come on people ME WANT MORE JOKES
 
N

nodnarb24

Guest
This guy walks by a bar and sees a sign that says:
TOUGHMAN CONTEST
$5000 prize

The guy goes in to ask about it.
Guy: "What do I have to do for the strongman contest."
The bartender: "First thing, you see that guy in the corner..."
The guy looks over and sees a HUGE all muscle man.
The Bartender"...you have to beat him up."
Guy: "Ok... what else."
The bartender: "Next, you see that dog outside..."
The guy looks out the window and sees the meanest and toughest dog he has seen in the world. The dog was foaming at the mouth and was barking and growling at everything that passed by.
The bartender:"... he has a soar tooth. You have to pull it out."
Guy: "Ok, then what?"
The Bartender:"Finally, you see that fat mess of a lady in the other corner..."
The guy looks over and sees he ugliest, fatest women in the world.
The Bartender: "You have to f*** her."
Guy: "Ok... I'll do it but it is going to be tough."


The guy goes over to the huge man and beats the sh*t out of him.


Then he goes outside. Sounds of barking then yelping can be heard.


The guy goes back inside the bar.
Guy: "now where is that lady with the soar tooth?"

[Edited by nodnarb24 on 11-16-00 at 05:40 PM]
 
L

Loafing Giant

Guest
good one nodnarb24,

ok

A teacher asks her students to use "fastinate in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, " That was good ,but I wanted you to use '"fascinate.'"

Sally raisd her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philladelphia Zoo and saw all the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fastinate'"

Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.

Billy said," My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


I saw this yesterday evening in a condom vending machine;

"Bei Versagen bitte Kinder einchicken"

In English:

" In case of failure, send in the children"


*ABOUT THE CONDOM JOKE, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE IT ON A MACHINE IT IS PART OF THE JOKE*

[Edited by Loafing Giant on 11-16-00 at 06:07 PM]
 
I

Istanbul

Guest
Two men are sitting in a 20th story bar, having a nice drink.

One turns to the other, and says, "Th' air currentsh are sho shtrong out there that I can *hic* go shtand out there and not fall!"

The other man shakes his head, obviously not quite as drunk, and replies, "No way. I don't believe it." The first gentleman turns around and goes to the window, opening it. He steps outside, and to the second man's amazement, he simply stands there in mid-air without falling!

The second man leaps out of his chair and darts over to the window, jumping out...and plummets twenty stories to his death while the first man watches.

The first guy walks back into the building and walks over to the bar, ordering a drink.

The bartender shakes his head and says, "Man, you're mean when you're drunk, Superman."
 
M

Mikeymike

Guest
OK, this one needs a little work on your part to tell it. Make sure to include the name of the person you are telling it to:

There are these three midgets hanging out one night, they get to talking about how difficult it is to get any recognition being a little person and all.

The first midget then says "Hey, I bet I can get into the Guiness Book of World Records, I must have the smallest hands ever".
The 2nd midget says "I bet I have the smallest feet ever, I'd like to get in too".
The 3rd midget then says "Oh yeah, well I know I have the smallest penis ever, I'm sure to get in".

So they collaborate a little and decide to go in the Guiness office downtown to make it official. They get to the office, wait for a little while, and an assistant calls the 1st midget into a closed room.

About 20 mins pass, and the midget comes out celebrating.
"I'm in the Guiness Book of World Records, I have the smallest hands ever!"
The other 2 midgets congradulate him, and the assisstant calls the 2nd midget into the room. 20 mins later he comes out celebrating.
"I'm in the Guiness Book of World Records, I have the smallest feet ever!"
Again the other 2 congradulate him. The assistant calls the final midget into the room.

20 mins pass, the door opens and the 3rd midget walks out of the room with a dejeted look on his face. In tandem the other 2 ask "Well, do you have the smallest penis ever?"
His response
"All I want to know is, who the hell is (INSERT FRIENDS NAME) !!"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top