Jokes v2.0

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Loafing Giant

Guest
thats right those of you that remember it thought it was great now its time to bring it back (hopefully) now without furthur adue

start posting-(blonde jokes are very, very welcome
but keep it somewhat clean)
 
T

Turtlewax Joe

Guest
some one needs to move this to the off topic forum.
 
L

linsivvi

Guest
hmmm....maybe he wanted us to trade him magic cards for his jokes.
 
L

Loafing Giant

Guest
T.J. you post jokes so other people can come and laugh at them

last time when i started this i had about 22 people post jokes

i first posted this about 6 months ago

no one wanted it moved but one person so it stayed here so it's here to stay:p

no linsivvi that isn't the case sorry
 
M

MrXarvox

Guest
... and so the bull says; that's not an udder, buddy...



:D :D :D The Jewelry Man awakens :D :D :D
it'z the nyght tyme!!!
 
D

Dementia

Guest
But it still almost made me die laughing! It's a mock news story.....

THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY - DEAD AT 71

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly.

He was 71

Doughboy was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Cap'n Crunch and many others.

The graveside was piled high with flours as long time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded"

Doughboy rose quickly in show bussiness but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his second wife Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

I heard this thing twice already and the part about the yeast infection still makes me laugh!
 
H

Hetemti

Guest
Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a-salted.
 
D

Dementia

Guest
A baby seal walks into a club......

What did the nun say when she walked into the bar?

Ouch!
 
C

Chaos Turtle

Guest
(These are mean, and no I don't apologize for that.
Use your cursor to highlight th answers.)


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who...

...is floating in a swimming pool?
Bob
...is sitting in front of a door?
Mat
...is hanging on a wall?
Art

So what do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who is propped up against a wall?
Eileen
What if she's Chinese?
Irene
 
L

Loafing Giant

Guest
thnx C. T. you never fail to ammuse me



keep them coming people.
 
E

EricBess

Guest
CT, I heard a unique one of those the other day. What do you call a couple of guys with no arms and no legs hanging out in front of a window?
Kurt 'n Rod
 
E

EricBess

Guest
I used to, but that was a while back. If I remember any, I'll post them.

There is an old game called "Spellcasting 101" that had a bunch of that sort of thing in it. You are an apprentice sorcerer and you have to find spells. One of the spells you get turns inanimate objects into people, but you have to give them a name. That whole section of puzzles revolves around this sort of riddle.
 
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EricBess

Guest
Hey, I've got a couple of leper song jokes. The first people might have heard before. The second one is my own. They are two parted. The first "answer" is the name of the song. The second answer is the line from the song that is applicable. Have fun:

What's a leper's favorite song?
Yesterday (the Beatles)

Line:
...Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be...

What's a leper's favorite love song?
Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler)

Line:
...Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart...
 
L

Loafing Giant

Guest
1 Water-proof towel
2 Solar-powered flashlight
3 Submarine screen doors
4 Book on how to read
5 Inflatable dartboard
6 A Dictionary Index
7 Ejector seat in a helicopter
8 Powdered water
9 Pedal-powered wheelchair
10 Water-proof Tea bag
 
M

MrXarvox

Guest
heh. i see my dead baby jokes have been deleted. o well, they were horribly morbid and tasteless anyway.

or did i not post them? I coulda sworn i posted em, but then it was like 2am so i can't be sure...
 
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