JOKES....Post 'em if ya got 'em

T

Tabasco

Guest
You saw the title post a bloody joke already...........

Ok answer below.....highlight it....

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

Dam!! (or is it damn??)
 
R

Reverend Love

Guest
When's it bed time at Jacko's Neverland Ranch?

When the big hand touches the little hand.
 
1

13NoVa

Guest
two men walked into a bar...
the third man ducked.


this one's a classic in my eyes......



Three prostitutes are sitting at the bar. the first one says, "i can fit 3 fingers up my cooter" the second one says "aww that's nothing i can fit a fist up my cooter" and the third one just slides down the barstool.


A blonde and a brunette are going down the elevator when it stops a couple floors early, and a man walks in. as the man leaves, the brunette looks at the blonde, and says "he was hot, but we should give him some head and shoulders"
the blonde says "how do you give shoulders?"
 
R

Reverend Love

Guest
Two gay necrophiliaics walking down the sidewalk come across a Morgue. The first gay necro turns to the second and asks "Wanna go in and suck down a few cold ones?"

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin you already told that Beech twice.

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What should a woman do after getting home from the "Battered Women's Shelter"? The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

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Two convicted drug dealers are up for early parole due to the over populated prison system. The only catch is they must come up with presentation to keep the youth of America off drugs. The first drug dealer goes before parole board:

"Ladies and Gentlemen I've brought two coins with me today, The larger of the two is your brain before drugs, the smaller is your brain after drugs."

The parole board applaud his efforts and grant early release.

Next up comes drug dealer number two:

"Well ladies and gentlemen of the board I too have based my presentation on coins. One larger one smaller. You see the small coin is your bunghole before prison, the larger is your bunghole after prison...."
 
T

train

Guest
A blonde notices her car stalling as she drives down the freeway... she decides to pull over and stop the vehicle before it doesn't run at all. She slams on the brakes, throws it in park, gets out of the vehicle, and runs to the trunk.

She fumbles through her keys, and then is finally able to open the trunk. All of a sudden, out jump 2 guys naked except for trench coats who immediately start exposing themselves to the on-coming traffic...

Shortly, a trooper drives up, turns on his lights and gets out to investigate. "What in the heck is going on?!!!"

"These are my emergency flashers..."


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A boy gets a pet parrot for his birthday, and soon learns that the parrot is fast at mimicing people. The boy loved him so much that he took him everywhere with him.

One day, while sitting down to dinner the boy's mother asked what he'd like on his sandwich - "bologna" the boy answered.
"Bologna, Bologna!" the parrot repeated...

A few days later, while fishing with dad, the father's rod got a tug on the line. "I think I got a fish" the dad said. "Pull him up Dad!" "Pull him up, Pull him up" the parrot repeated...

1 week later the boy was walking down the fairway at a carnival with all the hecklers calling for games...

"Just make 2 in the bucket..."
"pop 3 and you win..."
"hit the black target and win a prize..."

The boy gets excited - "Dad, I want to hit the black target and win a prize..." "hit the black target, win a prize - hit the black target, win a prize" the parrot repeated...

The following Sunday in church, the preacher enters his sermon, and says "God is in Heaven" - "Bologna, Bologna..." the parrot screams...

Frustrated the preacher yells at the parrot "One more word out of you and i'll throw this book at you(holding bible up)!"

he continues - "The Devl is in Hell!" - "Pull him up, Pull him up" the parrot says...

the preacher then rears back and lets the bible fly at the parrot... the parrot ducks, and the bible hits the black gentleman behind the boy's family...

"Hit the black target, win a prize, Hit the black target, win a prize!" the parrot yells!
 
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