A
arhar
Guest
Hordes of my fans(both of you), the time of the wait is over, my prerelease report is here now. I attended the PR in Edison, NJ. Now, under my name, it says Brooklyn, NY, USA. Why, you may ask, didn't I go to the one at Neutral Ground, NY? Well, two reasons. First, Neutral Ground is a den of thieves and every time I went there, me or one of my friends had cards stolen. Second, seeing how more and more people went there for every next PR, I thought this time, there truly wouldn't be any breathing room. As it turned out, I was right, because they had to open additional room on the 8th floor, and my friend Matt had to spend the day surrounded by the millions and millions of smelly, sweaty Magic players 
At the same time, myself and a couple of friends spend the day at the air-conditioned luxury hotel, with the Best Place To Get A Sandwich In The World (TM) - Herold's - right there down the hall
Anyway, skipping the drive there, because no one cares, I'll get straight to the sealed deck portion. Trembling with excitement, my hands shaking, I opened my sealed deck and inside I found ... total crap!!!! While everywhere around I heard near-orgasmic shrieks of "Oh my God, Mirari!!! Iridisescent Angel!!! Kamahl!!! Kirtiar's Wrath! I'm such a good player!!!" At this point it should be noted that I'm a terrible player. I suck. I *think* that I'm somewhat good, but I'm a scrub. So my only hope for this event was to open a deck full of infinitely tight mizing men and smash face, savagely top-decking along the way. Oh well, let's prepare for the 0-2 drop. Upon the closer inspection, however, I found one broken card in my deck: Mortivore. So without any second thoughts, I built "MortivoreIsTheOnlyGoodCardInThisPile.dec" To put it shortly, I had the GGG Druid Legend, but no good druids, and grand total of 0 good green and blue cards. Frown. After looking at the spoiler, I was jumping with joy, because finally, green - my favorite color, was the best color in the set (for Limited play, of course) However, my red and black were very good, with about 6-7 burn cards, fliers, and fat. Unfortunately, I don't remember the exact decklist, but I remember I didn't have enough good red and black cards to make a two-color deck. In fact, even if I played with mediocre cards, I still couldn't do it!!! Of course, now it's worth noting again that I'm an abysmal player, so I DIDN'T NOTICE the red-black Atog and left it in the sideboard until the last round!!! That's right, I just didn't notice him and didn't put him in the deck. My excuse? I'm a casual player, so I'm allowed to suck!!! Anyway, I ended up splashing white for Angelic Wall, Second Thoughts, new Cloudchaser Eagle and something else.
Round One - sorry I don't remember any names.
Game One - I drew Mortivore and just won.
Game Two - We both have no creatures on the table, I draw Pardic Firecat, play it and say "Go." Well, I told you that I'm the next Kai Budde! So seeing a huge grin on his face and realizing that the Firecat has Haste, I could just read his thoughts "Wow, what a @#$*(% scrub!" However, what happened later in the game was even funnier. I drew Mortivore and enchanted it with the card that gives a creature +2/-2, +4/-4 if you have Threshhold (he did). So my Mortivore was a 11/3 infinitely tight face-smashing machine. I looked at the board and attempted thinking. Hmm, he only has a 4/4 Beast Attack token to block, what is he up to? I say aloud "Obviously, you have some trick up your sleeve, but I'll attack anyway!" So I do. He blocks with a 4/4 Elephant. Me: "I have no effects." Him: "Both die!" Me: "Um, I'll regenerate the 11/3 sexual beast." Him: "(unprintable)" Me: "Oh, you're such a scrub! You forgot that Mortivore regenerates? HAHAHAHAHHAA!!! OMG, I just smashed your face in, you random mexican! Instead of playing in DCI-sanctioned tournaments, you should be playing group games or post useless crap on websites such as CPA!" Of course, I didn't say that. But I could.
1-0
Round Two
Game One - He's manascrewed.
Game Two - He's manascrewed AGAIN. At this point I'll say that this was the most pleasant opponent of the day, he said he was there just to have fun, and he actually meant it! He took his manascrew in both games better than 99.9% of the people out there, was laughing and making jokes the entire time, and was the best opponent anyoune could wish for. Magic needs more people like him.
2-0
Wow, I actually didn't go 0-2 drop! Probably, because I played people who are even more terrible at the game of Magic than me! Since I was done with Round 2 in about 10 minutes, me and friends decided to go to Herolds to grab a sandwich. Yes, 1(one) sandwich. For 3 people. When you enter Herolds, there's a sign that says "Due to humongous size of our sandwiches, we encourage our customers to share." Which is the truest statement I've encountered all day. We sit down and order ONE bologna sandwich. Waitress: "Usually, it's the sandwich for two people, you want a bigger one?" No, it's ok, madam. We visited the Pickle Bar, ate our sandwich.... ate it some more... and then some more... And then, completely stuffed, we left.
Round Three
At this point, I figured my luck was about to run out, and I was gonna get paired up against a good player, a cheater, a guy with good mana draws, or someone who opened a broken deck. So it was. My opponent had a two-color deck (sure sign of a cheater j/k ) .. Black-blue with such unexciting cards as the new Pestilence, the Enchant Land that lets you control creatures until end of turn, the enchantment lets you sac a creature to return a creature from your graveyard to hand, and an unerring ability to have all 3 of them on the table by turn 5 in all games. Oh, and he had a bunch of broken creatures such as 4/4 flier for 4 that reduces your max hand size, new Juggernaut, Finkel, etc.... All in all, he was a scrub with a terrible deck and I would've beat him only if.... um... I wouldn't get manascrewed! Yeah, I wish I would've drawn my 6th color, and in Game 2 I was only 70 cards away from drawing a game-winning Battle of Wits!
Game 1 - My face meets the table.
Game 2 - I sideboard in LD for his annoying blue enchantment and actually draw it, but the meeting of my face and table is still inevitable.
2-1
After that, it was pretty unexciting.
Round Four
Game 1 - I draw Mortivore and smash his face in.
Game 2 - I draw Mortivore and smash his face in.
3-1
Round Five
I win (forgot the details, but it definitely involved me drawing Mortivore, and something about the face.)
4-1
I get 9 packs for my effort and sign up for a bonus draft. FIFTEEN DOLLARS?!!?! WTF! At my local store, you can draft for $7.50. PM me for details.
I get a pretty fun red-white-black deck, with Kirtiar's Wrath, Volley of Boulders (which I actually cast) and a bunch of other fun cards. In the first round, I win game one by casting both of aforementioned cards, then mulligan down to 5 game two and down to 4 game three. Oh well, I ALMOST made a comeback.
Anyway, this was an awesome day, except for my friend getting pissed at one judge, who was being very cocky and arrogant, and talked down like he's the king of the hill. I won't give out his name, but he's an internet writer and is much different in real life from what the impression one might get from reading his articles. At one point, my friend was ready to beat the hell out of him, and with him being a huge guy, former army ranger, the outcome would be quite sad for the judge. But I won't go into further details.
It sucked that Cateran Emperor was there and we didn't talk to each other, but I hope we will next time. See you all next time!
At the same time, myself and a couple of friends spend the day at the air-conditioned luxury hotel, with the Best Place To Get A Sandwich In The World (TM) - Herold's - right there down the hall Anyway, skipping the drive there, because no one cares, I'll get straight to the sealed deck portion. Trembling with excitement, my hands shaking, I opened my sealed deck and inside I found ... total crap!!!!
While everywhere around I heard near-orgasmic shrieks of "Oh my God, Mirari!!! Iridisescent Angel!!! Kamahl!!! Kirtiar's Wrath! I'm such a good player!!!" At this point it should be noted that I'm a terrible player. I suck. I *think* that I'm somewhat good, but I'm a scrub. So my only hope for this event was to open a deck full of infinitely tight mizing men and smash face, savagely top-decking along the way. Oh well, let's prepare for the 0-2 drop. Upon the closer inspection, however, I found one broken card in my deck: Mortivore. So without any second thoughts, I built "MortivoreIsTheOnlyGoodCardInThisPile.dec" To put it shortly, I had the GGG Druid Legend, but no good druids, and grand total of 0 good green and blue cards. Frown. After looking at the spoiler, I was jumping with joy, because finally, green - my favorite color, was the best color in the set (for Limited play, of course) However, my red and black were very good, with about 6-7 burn cards, fliers, and fat. Unfortunately, I don't remember the exact decklist, but I remember I didn't have enough good red and black cards to make a two-color deck. In fact, even if I played with mediocre cards, I still couldn't do it!!! Of course, now it's worth noting again that I'm an abysmal player, so I DIDN'T NOTICE the red-black Atog and left it in the sideboard until the last round!!! That's right, I just didn't notice him and didn't put him in the deck. My excuse? I'm a casual player, so I'm allowed to suck!!! Anyway, I ended up splashing white for Angelic Wall, Second Thoughts, new Cloudchaser Eagle and something else. Round One - sorry I don't remember any names.
Game One - I drew Mortivore and just won.
Game Two - We both have no creatures on the table, I draw Pardic Firecat, play it and say "Go." Well, I told you that I'm the next Kai Budde! So seeing a huge grin on his face and realizing that the Firecat has Haste, I could just read his thoughts "Wow, what a @#$*(% scrub!" However, what happened later in the game was even funnier. I drew Mortivore and enchanted it with the card that gives a creature +2/-2, +4/-4 if you have Threshhold (he did). So my Mortivore was a 11/3 infinitely tight face-smashing machine. I looked at the board and attempted thinking. Hmm, he only has a 4/4 Beast Attack token to block, what is he up to? I say aloud "Obviously, you have some trick up your sleeve, but I'll attack anyway!" So I do. He blocks with a 4/4 Elephant. Me: "I have no effects." Him: "Both die!" Me: "Um, I'll regenerate the 11/3 sexual beast." Him: "(unprintable)" Me: "Oh, you're such a scrub! You forgot that Mortivore regenerates? HAHAHAHAHHAA!!! OMG, I just smashed your face in, you random mexican! Instead of playing in DCI-sanctioned tournaments, you should be playing group games or post useless crap on websites such as CPA!" Of course, I didn't say that. But I could.
1-0
Round Two
Game One - He's manascrewed.
Game Two - He's manascrewed AGAIN. At this point I'll say that this was the most pleasant opponent of the day, he said he was there just to have fun, and he actually meant it! He took his manascrew in both games better than 99.9% of the people out there, was laughing and making jokes the entire time, and was the best opponent anyoune could wish for. Magic needs more people like him.
2-0
Wow, I actually didn't go 0-2 drop! Probably, because I played people who are even more terrible at the game of Magic than me!
Since I was done with Round 2 in about 10 minutes, me and friends decided to go to Herolds to grab a sandwich. Yes, 1(one) sandwich. For 3 people. When you enter Herolds, there's a sign that says "Due to humongous size of our sandwiches, we encourage our customers to share." Which is the truest statement I've encountered all day. We sit down and order ONE bologna sandwich. Waitress: "Usually, it's the sandwich for two people, you want a bigger one?" No, it's ok, madam. We visited the Pickle Bar, ate our sandwich.... ate it some more... and then some more... And then, completely stuffed, we left. Round Three
At this point, I figured my luck was about to run out, and I was gonna get paired up against a good player, a cheater, a guy with good mana draws, or someone who opened a broken deck. So it was. My opponent had a two-color deck (sure sign of a cheater
j/k ) .. Black-blue with such unexciting cards as the new Pestilence, the Enchant Land that lets you control creatures until end of turn, the enchantment lets you sac a creature to return a creature from your graveyard to hand, and an unerring ability to have all 3 of them on the table by turn 5 in all games. Oh, and he had a bunch of broken creatures such as 4/4 flier for 4 that reduces your max hand size, new Juggernaut, Finkel, etc.... All in all, he was a scrub with a terrible deck and I would've beat him only if.... um... I wouldn't get manascrewed! Yeah, I wish I would've drawn my 6th color, and in Game 2 I was only 70 cards away from drawing a game-winning Battle of Wits!Game 1 - My face meets the table.
Game 2 - I sideboard in LD for his annoying blue enchantment and actually draw it, but the meeting of my face and table is still inevitable.
2-1
After that, it was pretty unexciting.
Round Four
Game 1 - I draw Mortivore and smash his face in.
Game 2 - I draw Mortivore and smash his face in.
3-1
Round Five
I win (forgot the details, but it definitely involved me drawing Mortivore, and something about the face.)
4-1
I get 9 packs for my effort and sign up for a bonus draft. FIFTEEN DOLLARS?!!?! WTF! At my local store, you can draft for $7.50. PM me for details.
I get a pretty fun red-white-black deck, with Kirtiar's Wrath, Volley of Boulders (which I actually cast) and a bunch of other fun cards. In the first round, I win game one by casting both of aforementioned cards, then mulligan down to 5 game two and down to 4 game three. Oh well, I ALMOST made a comeback.
Anyway, this was an awesome day, except for my friend getting pissed at one judge, who was being very cocky and arrogant, and talked down like he's the king of the hill. I won't give out his name, but he's an internet writer and is much different in real life from what the impression one might get from reading his articles. At one point, my friend was ready to beat the hell out of him, and with him being a huge guy, former army ranger, the outcome would be quite sad for the judge. But I won't go into further details.
It sucked that Cateran Emperor was there and we didn't talk to each other, but I hope we will next time. See you all next time!