BlEEE-AH

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Hawaiian mage, Apr 23, 2002.

  1. Hawaiian mage CPA symbiod

    The differences between today and yesterday could be compared quite similarly to the differences between yesterday and the day before that. The bus had finally stopped at his stop, the last stop on the whole trip. The stop that Dave forced him to get off on instead of the first one, which is just as close to his house, since Dave… shall we say, dislikes Sean. After an abrupt stop, Dave did his usual thing, saying goodbye to everyone that got off and then holding back a sneer when Sean got off from the back. The doors closed in near unison with Sean getting off, and the bus then drove away just as quickly, leaving a face full of economy efficient NOx in Sean’s face. But no matter, Dave was a 50-year-old full-time bus driver who probably never saw a pair of oinks in his life. It could be expected for him to act like that. Sean on the other hand… well I won’t get into that. It would be more confusing then explanative to explain Sean’s love life. Believe me. Completely psycho…

    Any way, the wind was blowing steadily, but gently. You wouldn’t even notice if not for the swaying of trees. And even then, Sean didn’t notice those. That would require looking up, and that wasn’t something he planned on doing. But hey, it was a 3-day weekend for Christ’s sake! Of course you’re not going to notice the wind. I don’t even know why I bother to point it out. I mean, do YOU care if the wind is blowing? Of course you don’t. You’ve got more important things to worry about, for instance Sean has to find his Fallout2 CD and give it to Curtis, and that of course was his top priority. Nothing would stand in his way of getting that CD. Especially not noticing the wind, and especially not noticing the odd pentagram shaped bloodstain in his driveway either.

    He walked in, stepping right over the lamb head on his stoop and ignoring the lit candles strewn about his house, and headed straight for his room where he would find the Fallout2 CD put safely into a carrying case that was originally meant for an Offspring CD.

    A slight hesitation as to where he put the CD case and then went straight for his bed where he had left it with the soul intention of bringing it to Curtis as soon as possible. He picked it up, opened it, and realized it was empty all in one swell swoop. At first there was disbelief. There’s no way it could be gone, he knew no one would have moved it. The only person that could have done that would have been his mom, and her corpse was impaled on a gardening stick outside so it couldn’t be her. How could it not be there?

    These thoughts passed through his head several times before a familiar “Hey, Sean” could be heard coming from right behind him. He slowly turned around, first his head and then the rest of his body, as though he were a rotating garment. Fear, confusion, and unrelated thoughts of erotica overwhelmed Sean instantly.

    “Looking for this?”

    Brandishing the CD in his hands, no cover or anything to protect it from dust or bacteria, Stephen stood there wearing what appeared to be a bloody sheepskin. He smiled, and then started laughing a laugh so annoying it could make a grown man cry.

    “HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Catch me if you can!”

    He rushed out the door, and after a second’s worth of awe Sean chased after the laughing pain monger with adrenaline induced speed. He had to get that CD, Stephen or no Stephen. He couldn’t let him get away. Nothing could get in the way. He couldn’t even, heaven forbid, forget about it and go skateboarding with Matt. He would get the CD if it were the last thing he did, which was a very unfortunate statement considering the circumstances. Sean rushed through the door, still open from Stephen going through several seconds previous. Sean was starting to gain on him running through open air on the gravel driveway. Mear inches away from grabbing the bloody cloak, Stephen suddenly seemed to sink into the ground and soon after it was apparent that Stephen was no longer there. Sean stood there, breathing deeply. There was still the sheepskin, but it was lying on the gravel with nothing containing substantial mass under it. Half out of curiosity, half out of insanity, Sean lifted the cloak off the ground. There was something under it. It was a pentagram, drawn with blood. (You know… the one he didn’t notice earlier.)

    Now, if this wasn’t creepy enough, some strange force seemed to compel Sean into thinking a very odd thought. Put on the cloak. He had no idea why he was thinking it, but found himself unable to stop. And now, not being able to think of anything better to do, he put on the cloak. It was still warm as it soaked into Sean’s shirt. Impulsively, he then took a step forward into the pentagram.

    Have you ever seen the show ‘Sliders?’ It was a TV series, which now is only shown on the sci-fi channel. I’m fairly certain you’ve at least heard of it, or have seen enough from the commercials to know what the spirally portal scenes look like when you’re going through this erratic vortex going to an alternate dimension. Well this has nothing to do with the story, nothing like that happened to Sean, rather he instantly apperated into a place that looked much like the setting of the final boss in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. And standing where Gannon would normally be was Stephen, with folded arms.

    “Stephen, give me the CD.”
    “Was that a challenge?”
    “No, it was a request. Give me the CD, now Stephen.”
    “Then we agree! We shall now commence to a battle of wits! To the death!”
    There was then a few brief seconds of silence.
    “Stephen, just give me the god damn CD.”
    “Sure.”

    Menacingly, Stephen threw the CD. It went over Sean’s head, and before he could react, over the ledge and into oblivion. An “oops” could be heard as Sean rushed to he ledge as quickly as he could, only able get there in time to see it plummet into the chaos below.

    “If you want it back, you will have to defeat me.”
    “You monster!”
    “HAHAHAHAHA!! Okay, Sean. Where do we begin? How about… NOW”

    Sean did not notice the poor grammatical structure of that sentence, for Stephen suddenly started growing. Insectiod ligaments and chitinous armor platting suddenly seemed to sprout off Stephen like sped up video of a plant becoming a tree. Before long a giant mantis-beetle thing stood over Sean, while he thought to himself that Stephen didn’t look much different.

    “Now… you must answer my riddle. If you fail, you will be incarcerated. Ahem… Have you ever in your three legged life, seen a three legged sailor with a three legged wife? Ha ha ha... BWAA HA HA HA”
    “If by third leg you mean p****, then yeah. On several occasions in fact.”
    “What? WHAT?! NOOOOoooo!!

    A beam of light suddenly shown down upon Stephen, and he suddenly seemed frozed. He then shattered, as though he was made of glass and hit with a hammer. An angelic chorus instantly arose and the Fallout2 CD then began to descend from the heavens, which had now turned gray rather then bright red. Sean jumped up and grabbed the CD, and then held it up in the air in a dramatic pose. He began to sparkle, and next thing he knew he was back home with the CD in his grasp. Looking surprisingly undazed, he began to walk back to his house from the driveway, full of glee admiring his accomplishment. Then he tripped, face forward, right onto the CD, and it was broke, forever lost among the rock and dirt. A distinct “Oink” could be heard.

    THE END
  2. MrXarvox The Prettiest Man Alive

    [apostrophe] [apocalypse] [apocrypha]

    [bean] [beauty] [beating]

    [cartography]


    Alphabetical Brackets Can Degenerate...
  3. Thallid Ice Cream Man 21sT CeNTuRy sChIZoId MaN

    So which one are you?
  4. terzarima New Member

    I though we were talking about Beer.

    (The title looks like a wacky australian pronounciation of beer)

    So....

    Fosters. Australian for biee-ah
  5. Thallid Ice Cream Man 21sT CeNTuRy sChIZoId MaN

    Marge: "Can I have a cup of coffee?"
    Australian Bartender: "...a beer."
    Marge: "Coffee!"
    Australian Bartender: "Beer."
    Marge: "Cof-fee."
    Australian Bartender: "Be-er."
    Marge: "C. O. -"
    Australian Bartender: "B. E..."

    Kurt Vonnegut actually made some coffee-beer.

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