N
Namielus
Guest
Ok, know by reading know, these events have already pasted and if you feel upset by your actions or mine, there is nothing that can be done about it now. I'm not saying that you can't talk about it with me but I know I stepped on toes and was stepped on, so lets just stay rational about it.
This form is about life, mine and to an extent, you the reader. This is why; I'm about to spill my guts on something huge.
Only Almindhra really knew about this, and she I thank for being there so much.
First you need a little background:
I grew up with a family of 5 (including me), I was the first child and taught to be a good example for my brothers.
I didn't want to exert effort in school I was smart but school seemed a waste of my time. Well my parent were extremely angered by this and said I wasn't doing anything near to my potential at school. So I said fine, “I will be a good little boy”, I played this game till my mother assaulted me with religion for a week, and I cried myself to sleep every night that week, and I hate her for it, I still do (I think).
So from then on I said, "Screw the world I'm living for me only", and it was so, until 8th grade, when I had only a single friend. Only one friend, and he was not going to follow me to the same high school next year, sliced my wrists open, I then hide it from everyone.
From then on I decided I would only live to help others. Humor/unreason was my tool for that time. When I came here to the CPA, I was pure unreason. Helping people became such an empty task. I hated myself even more for this.
Back to now.
On Saturday the 19 of May, I made a horrifying self-realization. I was a living lie. You know the way that you change your behavior when you are around different people? That was all I was, a behavioral modification of depending who I was around. I didn’t have a real me, I was a lived lie. I still don’t really know who I am.
Anywhere from 20 to 30 cuts lace my right wrist, the same is true of my left. That day at about 10 o’clock I started slicing and bleeding. I was bleeding a lot, enough to cover the bottom of my bathtub in red. I was dieing, at what was fairly close to the last few minutes of alertness and ability I changed my fate, and bandaged my wrists. Almindhra helped me walk out of that alive as it taking place.
What does this mean?
I’m different now, that night a good 2/3 of me died, mentally I was horribly scarred and now I’m starting the healing process. I’m a changed person; I’m not longer going to be a lie on the CPA, this goes the same with my friends, at school, at work, or online in general.
Think of my mind like this; a man enters the hospital with burns over his entire body. A doctor taking an incredible amount of time with skin graphting covers the man’s body with skin. The man accepts the skin because he needs it to survive against infection, but his own body rejects it and fights it. The man tears it all off, and tries to grow his own skin.
I’m learning to grow my own skin right now.
Welcome to the new Namielus.
This form is about life, mine and to an extent, you the reader. This is why; I'm about to spill my guts on something huge.
Only Almindhra really knew about this, and she I thank for being there so much.
First you need a little background:
I grew up with a family of 5 (including me), I was the first child and taught to be a good example for my brothers.
I didn't want to exert effort in school I was smart but school seemed a waste of my time. Well my parent were extremely angered by this and said I wasn't doing anything near to my potential at school. So I said fine, “I will be a good little boy”, I played this game till my mother assaulted me with religion for a week, and I cried myself to sleep every night that week, and I hate her for it, I still do (I think).
So from then on I said, "Screw the world I'm living for me only", and it was so, until 8th grade, when I had only a single friend. Only one friend, and he was not going to follow me to the same high school next year, sliced my wrists open, I then hide it from everyone.
From then on I decided I would only live to help others. Humor/unreason was my tool for that time. When I came here to the CPA, I was pure unreason. Helping people became such an empty task. I hated myself even more for this.
Back to now.
On Saturday the 19 of May, I made a horrifying self-realization. I was a living lie. You know the way that you change your behavior when you are around different people? That was all I was, a behavioral modification of depending who I was around. I didn’t have a real me, I was a lived lie. I still don’t really know who I am.
Anywhere from 20 to 30 cuts lace my right wrist, the same is true of my left. That day at about 10 o’clock I started slicing and bleeding. I was bleeding a lot, enough to cover the bottom of my bathtub in red. I was dieing, at what was fairly close to the last few minutes of alertness and ability I changed my fate, and bandaged my wrists. Almindhra helped me walk out of that alive as it taking place.
What does this mean?
I’m different now, that night a good 2/3 of me died, mentally I was horribly scarred and now I’m starting the healing process. I’m a changed person; I’m not longer going to be a lie on the CPA, this goes the same with my friends, at school, at work, or online in general.
Think of my mind like this; a man enters the hospital with burns over his entire body. A doctor taking an incredible amount of time with skin graphting covers the man’s body with skin. The man accepts the skin because he needs it to survive against infection, but his own body rejects it and fights it. The man tears it all off, and tries to grow his own skin.
I’m learning to grow my own skin right now.
Welcome to the new Namielus.
