Bad Santas steal tree

[Nightstalkers]

Police in Germany have arrested three Santas who stole a Christmas tree.
Officers noticed the three men dressed as Santa Claus dragging the tree through the streets of Eschwege.
Following a closer inspection and some questions, the Santas confessed to taking the tree from the local nightclub.
Police escorted the three Santas back to the club to make sure they returned the stolen goods.
"I'd be surprised if they weren't drunk", a police spokesman commented.
The Santas are now facing theft charges.

 

[sageridder]

A burglar broke into a house one Christmas eve. He shined his flashlight all around, looking for gifts, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, as clear a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaking out again, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird 'Moses'?"

Moses answered, "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller 'Jesus'."

 

[Oversoul]

I've never had to take up burglary, but I think I'd pretty much always rather deal with a dog than a person. Even if it's just a little kid, they can identify you or call out for help. Even a trained dog isn't going to be all that smart. I've always liked that joke anyway though...

Anyway, stealing a Christmas tree seems like a pretty drunk thing to do...

 

[Spiderman]

Yeah, but a guard dog is more likely trained to bite you or something, especially if you're not prepared to face one as in the joke. A little kid might scream or something and if you're not a murderous type, you'd either tie him up or flee, depending on your state of nerves.

 

[Oversoul]

A dog can only bite you once before you grapple it. The average burglar probably outweighs a guard dog (unless it's something huge) and might also be armed (which would really help dispatch the thing). The kid can run and get his parent who has a 12 gauge. Of course, the dog might bark and alert them anyway, but I guess that depends on the dog...

 

[Spiderman]

You make several assumptions there that defeat the purpose of discussion. First, if you don't know the dog is there, it can bite you any number of times. Second, if you're surprised by a dog, the snarling/biting/attacking is usually enough to unnerve you, no matter what your weight. Unless you're really trained, which is probably a small percentage of burglars (and probably professionals, who would have scouted out the place and probably have a plan to deal with the dog in the first place). Third, if you're armed, then you probably expect violence in the first place and if you are willing to shoot the dog, you're probably willing to shoot the kid. Either way, shooting is going to make a heck of a noise which will bring someone else around and then you'll probably have to shoot him.

I took the whole joke as a burglar who doesn't want any trouble, is not armed, and just wants to be in and out of there as quick as possible.

 

[Oversoul]

Well, I meant like if I were a burglar. I suppose that a dog could catch one by surprise, but so could a person. I suppose an attacking dog could unnerve a lot of people, but they had better snap out of it quickly if they don't want to end up in a hospital or prison. I would rather kill a dog than a person (for multiple reasons). Also, if one isn't going to be doing any killing at all, then escaping through a door or window to avoid a dog is usually an option (although you have to be careful as a dog can obviously run a lot faster than you can) while a person can act as a witness against you in court, unless that person is blind, extremely young, or unable to get a good look at you. Firing off a gun in a house one is robbing is usually a last resort thing, to be sure. A gun isn't the only weapon available. Okay, so probably no one robs houses while carrying a crossbow, but they might have a knife or club or something...

Anyway, I think analyzing the situation in this way ruins the joke. What I was trying to get at was that there are worse things to run into when robbing a house than a rottweiller (usually a dozen guys with submachine guns who happen to live in the house).

 

[Spiderman]

Originally posted by Oversoul
Anyway, I think analyzing the situation in this way ruins the joke. What I was trying to get at was that there are worse things to run into when robbing a house than a rottweiller (usually a dozen guys with submachine guns who happen to live in the house).

Very true. Of course, even pointing that out pretty much ruins the joke...

 

[Oversoul]

One of these days that is what is going to happen though (a burglar breaking into a house and running right into a dozen guys with submachine guns) and Nightstalkers will post it in this forum!

 

[Chaos Turtle]

Well I have Improved Unarmed Strike, Combat Reflexes, and the Hide from Animals spell, so I'm not worried about being caught flat-footed by any stupid dog!

Oh. This isn't the RPG thread?

My bad.

 

[Spiderman]

No Blind-Fighting? Could help you fight in the dark... maybe you should pick that up next time.

 

[train]

and Ambidexterity...

 

[DarthFerret]

What about a sash of Improved Invisibility? And a running Mirror Image spell...(redundant huh?)