About the Weatherlight saga...

[Whimsical]

Could anyone provide moi with the exploits of the Weatherlight crew in a nutshell? I only know the broadest details about it ... and it's hard to pull of a spoof when you have only minimal information on the topic you're spoofing... (hint, hint, Mister Emperor Cat sir!).

Many thanks!

 

[Cateran Emperor]

[Cracks knuckles] Okay, I'll make this as brief as I can. I'm gonna have to do this in 2 parts as I have an essay to write. For part 1, I'll just describe the characters:

Dominarians

Urza: 4 millenia old male planeswalker and generally considered to be a psycho. Starts up the Bloodlines project.
Barrin: Human male origin unknown, millenium old Mage Master of Tolaria, Urza's only confidant.
Rayne: Rayne's wife, chancellor of Tolaria
Sisay: Human female, dunno where she's from. Cap'n of the WL, kidnapped by Volrath
Gerrard: Human male from Benalia, heir to the Legacy (collection of Urza's anti-phyrexian artifacts includeing the WL)
Mirri: Cat-person female from Llanowar, Gerrard's traveling companion.
Squee: Goblin male from Shiv, cabin boy on the WL, likes to eat bugs
Tahngarth: Minotaur male from Talruum (also name of tribe), first mate of the WL, hates Gerrard initially for running from what should be his destiny.
Orim: Human female from Benalia, Samite cleric and the WL's medic. Falls for Cho-Manno.
Hanna: Human female from Tolaria, daughter of Barrin and Rayne, artificer and romantic interest of Gerrard
Karn: Silver Golem from Tolaria, part of the Legacy, guardian of Gerrard
Ertai: Human male origin unknown, studying at Tolaria, extraordinarily adept at magecraft
Crovax: Urborg nobleman, joined WL after seeing family slain by beasts from another plane (thought to be Rath)

Tomorrow I'll do the Phyrexians and the Mercadians, in addition to the general plot

 

[Whimsical]

Wow... talk about comprehensive. I'll look forward to tomorrow's installation, mister Emperor Cat sir. The plot's what I really need before I get back to working on the crew of the Weatherlost ...

 

[Cateran Emperor]

Love that Emperor Cat Next up is me napping for a few hours right?

Okay, so let's keep going then:

Phyrexians and other not so good folks

Volrath: Former Human male from Jamuraa, father takes Gerrard as adopted son. Relationship turns sour when Vuel (human name) is saved from falling by Gerrard during his rite of passage to become cheiftain, and so is disgraced. Not the forgiving type, he meets up with Starke who sets him up as Evincar of Rath.
Yawgmoth: Former Human male from Koilos, the big bad one ruling Phyrexia. NOT a true planeswalker, only has the abilities of one when on Phyrexia.
Starke: Human male from Rath, member of il-Vec tribe. Phyrexian agent, not Phyrexianized. Was promised daughter's freedom in exchange for bringing Gerrard to Rath.
Commander Greven il-Vec: in charge of Evincar's forces and captain of the Predator
The New Crovax: bears mentioning, is elected new Evincar of Rath. Grows stronger by killing (think vampires), the more the merrier for him.

Other Inhabitants of Rath

Eladamri, Lord of Leaves: Elven male from Skyshroud, ruler of the Skyshroud elves, leads guerilla campaign against the Evincars.
Oracle en-Vec: human female from the plains of Rath, leader of the Vec and ally to Eladamri.
Lynna: Soltari female from Soltariville (heck, even I don't know where they come from), emissary of the Soltari to the corporeal world, slows the work of the Stronghold.
Takara: trapped in the Evincar's dungeon for quite some time, freed by Eladamri on his raid on the 'Hold. Escaped with him through portal to Dominaria.

Mercadians

The Magistrate: Human male from Mercadia, but pile of fat is more like it. Ruler of mercadia in name only, puppet of the Kyren.
Cho-Manno: Human male from Rushwood, leader of the Cho-Arrim and all around wuss. Let's everyone do the fighting for him.
Ramos: Dragon Engine, crashed into Mercadia millenia ago and just kinda sits around these days.
The Cateran Overlord: ruler of the Cateran Mercenaries, currently hired by the Mercadians to keep the Cho-Arrim, Ramosians, and Saprazzans occupied while they construct a fleet of airships for the Phyrexians under contract.

[phew] That wraps up our basic cast o' characters. The story will come tomorrow at some time ma'am.

 

[Cateran Emperor]

So i'll spend some time to give you the plot in a nutshell:

Phyrexians try to destroy Capashen stronghold. Karn saves baby Gerrard. [Flash forward 20 years]: Gerrard and Mirri need $, so they sign on with Sisay and the rest. Starke is part of the crew, and mean 'ol Maraxus of Keld comes by to the collect the bounty on him. With some quick thinking, Gerrard gets Keldon boy to go away, and leaves the ship to it's own fate, not wanting a part of it any more. [Forward another year] WL pulls up next to Benalish arms academy where Gerrard's the head man. Tahngarth says Volrath kidnapped Sisay and wants Gerrard to go get her, as it's his ship by birthright. Gerrard says no, but then gets away after assasination type thing fails. The go pick up the rest of the crew, and arrive in Urborg to see nasties tear Crovax's ma, pa and everyone else to shreds. The pick him up and head to Tolaria to get Hanna and Ertai, who knows where Rath is. Planeshift ho! And now we got the Pred gunning for the WL, but they get away with only Karn being captured and Tahngarth leaping on to the enemy ship in a mad rage (woohoo!) Gerrard falls off and lands in Skyshroud. Eladamri says "Hi, ol' prophecy says you're the Korvecdal (trans: Uniter), so you're gonna help us beat the shiznit out of that bad ol' Evincar." Gerrard eventually says yes, and much silliness follows, which includes a Sliver attack, Gerrard deuling a shapeshifter, and them freeing Takara. Ertai stayed behind to open mondo portal to allow the WL through, as it doesn't have the needed mana to Planeshift by itself. Pred chases WL to the portal and Ertai jumps to the ship...

And misses, instead landing on the Predator. Oops WL ends up in Mercadia, and ship gets stolen by the Cho, along with Orim and 1 or 2 red shirts. Gerrard and pals get aptured by a lot of inept Mercadian guards, and try to jailbreak several times, silliness enses involving a dancing Cateran, Giant, AND Karn, only to end up agreeing to lead a Cateran raiding party into the Rushwood. Caterans have some fun and massacre the Cho, Orim's p/oed at Gerrard. They all get taken back to Mercadia under arrest, and more insanity ensues including a drunken brawl between Gerrard and Tahngarth. Meanwhile, all this time Squee's been living it up as a Kyren Nabob (general) and springs them all. They discover subterranean hangar with a friggin huge number of Phyrexian ships, and they set off the goblin bombs in the bays of the topmost one. IT falls onto another, and so on, doing insane amounts of damage. WL busts loose again, recharged by artifacts stolen from Ramos and the Saprazzans, and beats up Volrath's ship (turned out Takara was really Volrath in disguise, and killed Starke), only to have Volrath jump in a portal in his cabin and get back to Rath, while the WL happily shifts back to Dominaria. The End, for now...

 

[Whimsical]

That was VERY informative, mister Emperor Cat sir! <claps hands> Now to get cracking on the Weatherlost story...