A new era dawns in the Battle Arena... not really, but Ransac stole your pants... :D

[Ransac]

*Ransac walks into the Battle Arena, depressed at the lonely state the grand forum has become. He reminisces of the historic battles that have taken place here: Tag wars... Challenging theorgg and his breechcloth... CPW... the battle over the lone roll of toilet paper... the off-topic battle over nothing...*


SIGH

*Ransac strolls through the dusty arena and kicks a can. However, this can keep rolling and eventually hits a very unstable scaffolding, which collapses and drops 300 gallons of pink, brown, and silver paint onto.....*



Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

You got that paint all over my DnD stuff and I'm playin' tonight!

That's it, I'm summoning my Level 26 Bard who will solfege every key possible in all modes in three octaves until yer ears bleed!!!!!

ahem, mi, mi, mi,..........

ready? GO!

Oh, his name is Tony and he's kinda sensitive about his weight....

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac fortunately put his earplugs in.*

Ha ha ha! Well, Tony has the FAT part of being an opera singer down!!

*Tony stops singing and begins to weep. Meanwhile, Ransac unsheathes his trust lead rabbit and SPECTACULARLY CLOBBERS...... KJ's Monster Manuals.....*



Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

*KJ notices the lead rabbit was made in China and therefore it got sucked back to it's maker just in the nick of time*

Hey Tony! There's an extra EXTRA LARGE pizza with the works for ya if ya just keep following Ranny around for a day!

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac looks in shock as his rabbit is sucked away, put quickly holds up a release, stating that "while the rabbit is made of lead, it has no lead paint on it." The rabbit is immediately unsucked and falls to the ground about 40 yards away.*

phew....


*Ransac notices Tony standing right behind him. Ransac smiles. Tony smiles. Tony belts out an out-of-tune high C, causing Ransac to hate tenors even more.*



Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

*KJ looks at the lead rabbit and wonders if he could make hossenfepher stew with it*

"Hey Tony! That ranny kid said yer flat!"

 

[Ransac]

*Tony the tenor get confused, then ecstatic since he think that Ransac called him "skinny." This buys Ransac even time to retrieve his lead rabbit.*

I'll save this for later.


*Ransac puts the lead rabbit away and calls upon the first plague of Ransac!!!!!!!*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

The International Plague Quality Board has deemed Ransac's plagues to be dated and insufficiently sinister. Ransac's first plague will now be replaced with a rainstorm--of butyl mercaptan, the active ingredient in skunk spray.

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac curses the IPQB as he attempts to run for cover.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Killer Joe]

*KJ puts on old army gas mask and makes lots of Darth Vader quotes*

 

[Ransac]

*As Ransac passes by KJ, he cuts a small hole in the top of the mask. KJ doesn't seem to notice until the rain starts leaking down the back of his neck. Ransac continues to run until he takes cover behind the sleeping body of theorgg.*



Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

*Oversoul opens up a portal behind Ransac and tosses a match through the portal just as it closes, lighting all of the butyl mercaptan on fire.*

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac curses the name of Fred and calls on the second plague of Ransac. Billions of goblin turds behind raining down from the heavens. I'm not sure what Ransac hoped to accomplish, since the turds are even more flammable than the butyl mercaptan and stick to you in large globs.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

After careful review, the IPQB determines that they like Ransac's second plague, but that the goblin turds must be upgraded to the extra-sticky variety.

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac is okay for now, safely shielded by the now-burning, sleeping body of theorgg. But, he's wondering how everyone else is handling the sticky-poop-flame balls falling from the skies.*

Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac notices that Killer Joe, after complaining about the mess and how he STILL doesn't have a janitor to clean it up, is now being covered in sticky flaming goblin turds.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac emerges from underneath the sleeping, burning body of theorgg and, despite all logic, summons the third plague of Ransac. Trillions of goblins falls from the sky....


...at least, Ransac hopes they do. He crosses his fingers as he awaits word from the IPQB.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

Trillions of tenors emerge from the ground, singing off-key.

 

[Ransac]

*Ransac gives up the plague calling and begins to clobber the tenors over the head with a lead rabbit.*


Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[Oversoul]

*The tenors continue with their shrill mockery of music, knowing that Ransac's arms will be too tired to swing a lead rabbit before he has killed even a full million of them, which is insignificant among trillions.*