7th Flavor Text

Discussion in 'CPA/WOTC Magic Issues' started by ErinPuff, Apr 5, 2001.

  1. ErinPuff Token Female

    Upon flipping through my first few packs of 7th, I realized that most of the flavor text sucks. Examples include:

    Twang. You're dead. -Crossbow Infantry
    A picture is worth a thousand swords. -Gerrard's Wisdom
    Where psycho meets cyclone. -Air Elemental
    A bored wizard once created a vizzerdrix out of a bunny and a piranha. He never made that mistake again. -Vizzerdrix
    Booga booga booga! -Fear
    After their first encounter, the goblins named him Chuck. -Bloodshot Cyclops
    Let me introduce you to Rocky. -Granite Grip
    Here, kitty kitty. Here, kitty kitty. Aaaaugh! -Sabretooth Tiger
    They've got claws as long as your arm. And they're grouchy. Really, really grouchy. -Grizzly Bears
    "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee! -Flying Carpet

    It seems that lately there have been more bad puns and more stupid attempts to be funny... kinda like my science teacher :p.. bah.
  2. Hetemti The Wide-Awake Nightmare

    There's a thread elsewhere discussing my opinion of the new flavor text.
  3. ErinPuff Token Female

    Is there really.. oops. I bet I've posted on it too and just forget.. ;)

    Anyone, feel free to close this or whatever, 'cause Hetemti did it first. :)
  4. ErinPuff Token Female

    I can't find it.. where is it?
  5. FoundationOfRancor The Gunslinger

    Well, I agree that most of the flavor text in 7th (And in Invasion and Planeshift) has been quite bad. However, im VERY happy to see some 'classic' works cited, such as william shakespere and others...
  6. Necrosavant New Member

    I got a few packs to tide me till my booster boxes reach me today, and one of the cards I got was Dark Banishing.
    Kinda expensive for a terror effect, but Guay art and the quote from R&J made my day :)
  7. Cateran Emperor Passed On

    I really don't consider Dark Banishing to be a Terror effect. They actually seem to run parallels as two strange different threads of spells. The staple spells are the ones that will be rebuilt in each new form with the new mechanics. In effect, I've actually started to think more of Terror as a Banish effect than the other way around, despite Terror coming first. Examples:

    ACC: Snuff Out (Banish)
    Buyback: Slaughter (Banish)
    Cycling: Expunge (Terror)
    Cantrip: Annihilate (Banish)

    And so on. Do you follow what I mean?
  8. fuzzy510 I Don't REALLY Exist

    Bloodshot Cyclops' text is the same that was on the Destiny card. Are there more like that.....?
  9. Dementia CPA's Chair Wielding Maniac

    but surely not Chucks. Chucks is just awsome.

    Plus I thought I would share the funniest flavor text in 7th with you all.....

    Goblin Gardener

    Years of attempts have brought the goblins no closer to growing a sausage tree.

    Same thing keeps happening to me when I plant my Black Lotuses:(
  10. Hetemti The Wide-Awake Nightmare

    That's just supid.

    No goblin would think of planting a sausage to grow more. Besides, even if one did, having a sausage in hand would cause him to immediatly shove it in his mouth. Then there would be no sausage to grow a sausage tree from.
  11. fuzzy510 I Don't REALLY Exist

    Hetemi, have you spent time studying the behavioral patterns of Goblins? Huh? Have ya?
  12. Dementia CPA's Chair Wielding Maniac

    Hurrah for me. I have sent this thread into the magical land of off topic:D

    Anyway, it could be argued that the smartest goblin came up with the idea.

    He kept chopping down trees in fits of rage but more kept growing back:mad:

    And so the mythical attempts at a sausage:rolleyes: began.


    And lastly: wouldn't studying the behavioral patterns of goblins take about five minutes to learn: eat, destroy, sleep, eat, destroy, sleep, eat, destroy, sleep, eat, destroy, sleep............
  13. Thallid Ice Cream Man 21sT CeNTuRy sChIZoId MaN

    Unlike most other genuses, goblins are divided into species not by differing physical features but by behavioral disposition. There are two species of goblin with which we concern ourselves here: goblinicus hastiferus and goblinicus cowardus.

    The typical hastiferus follows the traditional theory of eat, destroy, sleep, eat, destroy, sleep for the most part, but occasionally combines the three. The members of the hastiferus group best able to do this become leaders in their group, which then allows them to enter a new pattern of eat, destroy, sleep, destroy, eat, destroy, sleep, etc. for a few years. Eventually (if they survive that long) they merely eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, and so on, until a pleasant death being rolled off of a cliff onto an enemy's head.

    Meanwhile, the cowardus cousins of the hastiferus follow a similar pattern, except they seem most to excel at running away and/or fleeing (using the second word will baffle most goblins, as they don't know what the word flee is, but the first term is widely known) instead of destroying, and rarely do the latter except when it will allow them to start running away again. Thus, they usually undergo a pattern of eat, run away, sleep, eat, run away, sleep, etc.

    Obviously the cowardus do not often mate with the hastiferus. This would imply that they would soon die out, leaving only the stronger hastiferus; this is supported by natural selection. However, enough of the hastiferus die in battle (against someone or another) that their numbers do not dwarf those of the cowardus.

    It's a little more complicated than that, but I hope I helped!
  14. Cateran Emperor Passed On

    Look at the picture for Goblin Gardener carefully. Now read the text again. Does that seem a bit odd to anyone else?

    Now for a more blatant example of rather adult themes, check the text of Might of Oaks with the picture. Don't think about it too hard, you might miss it if you do. What I'm referring to is on the crudest level of thought here (pointed out by college age males ;) ).
  15. Duel Has Less Posts Than Spiderman

    I see what you're getting at, CE.... they got rid of the squirrel ;)

    I dunno, some of the seventh flavor text is good (EXCEPT THEY KILLED JAYA! YOU BASTARDS, YOU KILLED JAYA!)

    Look at some of the better ones:
    Bloodshot cyclops
    Lightning Blast
    Goblin Gardner (though the original ("grow food in dirt? Save time - eat dirt) was better)
    Delusions of Mediocrity
    Lava Axe
    Ancestral Memories
    Temporal Adept (they deleted the name of Gatha in this quote. Maybe they're trying to get rid of individual characters)
    Sabertooth Tiger (I LIKE this)


    On the other hand:
    Confiscate has gone downhill
    So have:
    Coat of Arms (original: "One, Two, Three, Four, Dunno how to count no more! - Mogg march")
    Goblin Elite Infantry
    Goblin Digging team (I CAN'T believe they changed this one!)
    Hill Giant
    Archivist
    Deflection (used to be one of my all-time favorites)

    It just about breaks even
  16. Hetemti The Wide-Awake Nightmare

    I don't care if they'll cost more, I'm only gonna play with Squerrlified Might Of Oakses.

    I need to get more than none...
  17. Duel Has Less Posts Than Spiderman

    yeah. They went straight from nuts to.... uh.... never mind

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