Search results

I am Agent Ward Bashenthal: Grammar Police. Animal Control has received reports of a recent large-scale animal escape event occurring here. Since they are currently understaffed, Animal Control requisitioned me to travel here and, if possible, recapture the offending fauna. I have been...

Throg retrieves his axe from the wall while Kelgar helps Dorgath identify the items... Charm of Learning: This charm allows any warrior to assimilate knowledge required for training more quickly. If equipped, it will decrease the cost of training to the next battle-level by 300 gold, then the...

That would be Skabnoze, the orc shaman that the party encountered in the first deep of this dungeon. Carrow briefly pinned his foot to the floor with an arrow, and he panicked and escaped with what seems to be an invisibility ring. Then he showed up here with Magrak Manbane (the chaos warrior...

Dorgath's earlier suspicion seems to be correct: the gem appears to be a large pink sapphire. The compartment at the base of the altar contains three items... A stylized charm. A steel sword in excellent condition with an unusual design on its hilt. A map. Kelgar manages to heal himself with...

Let us press on. If time permits, there will be an extended recess for grazing and allowing sore muscles to recover. We are already so deep into the theater district that we may be unable to avoid a matinée. If there are further unforeseen delays, it is possible that we could be stuck here when...

Heh. Yes. I shook my head when I saw that roll. Poor Throg.

The ghouls and warriors charge each other. -Throg quaffs his Potion of Pain. It only heals 2 Wounds. -Dorgath throws his last firebomb, badly burning four ghouls. -Carrow becomes afraid of ghouls. His attacks against them are at -1 to hit. -Carrow slashes at a ghoul, but in his fear, doesn't...

So you might say that you are "tired" of us? I don't get it. Ward clobbers the drama queen with his bicycle wheel. Oh.

Electrodent? Clearly Pikachu is a lagomorph. What are you going to do, Ward? Prove that he doesn't have a baculum? No, you demented, unreliable firearm. There are much better ways of... And which path do we take to reach this king of Queens, oh great leader? The middle path is treacherous...

Do not blame Pikachu. His instinct as a predator is to nibble on lichen and also to electrocute birds, apparently. Who keeps a chicken in a zoo, anyway? A chicken isn't really a zoo animal. Ward proceeds toward Queens.

While Dorgath inspects the gem, before anyone has a chance to examine the compartment that Dorgath found at the base of the altar and before Throg can retrieve his axe from the wall, everyone sees Carrow turn on his heel in alarm at a new threat. Six ghouls barge into the room. Round 1 -The...

Thank you, McGill. Alas, I am still satiated from the delicious cheeseburger non-beef sandwich, which I consumed back at the Safeway. For now, I must abstain. And that means more chicken for the rest of you. I just realized we don't have any pasta anyway. Oh well.

We should be but two miles from the Queens gate. Perhaps one of their captive animals made it this far? And if not, well, I make a mean chicken pasta. Sophia, you are a shotgun. Firearms are nearly useless for food preparation. In addition to that indisputable fact, I am far too tired to chase...

I thought they taught you guys how to shoot back at the academy. They did! You missed. Twice. Ward uses periphrasis to change Sophia from an unloaded shotgun into a loaded shotgun. That was excellent work, McGill. Now, since Melkor's ghost is surely immune to any contagion that might have...

Ward uses affixation to make Sophia a shotgun. He aims for the zombie's head. Now I am ready. Bonum nocte, culus.

I recall reading about an effective method for defeating this type of miscreant. However, I will require a distraction... Careful, everyone. Maybe his bite will infect you or something. I read that that's a thing that can happen. Ward uses anagram to turn Sophia into a gun.

Finally.

Well, this is only a language violation if he actually murdered someone that used proper grammar... True, but you're currently riding on my back. I fail to see what that has to do with... Sophia charges the face-eater.

-Carrow charges the statue with his Blade of Courrone, but still hasn't closed the distance. -Kelgar bashes the statue (3 damage). -Dorgath strikes the statue with his axe (3 damage). -Dorgath kicks the base of the statue (3 damage). Round 10 -The Power Phase is 3 for this turn. -Dorgath's...

Ward hops on Sophia's back. You should be useful in contending with zoo animals, as you are one of them yourself. Nonsense. I've never been to a zoo in my life. A fascinating detail, to be sure. Now then, talking gnu, vitamin-soaked phantom, ghost, and mutant pika: let us journey to this...