What do you do...

[theorgg]

when you find that somone you have thought was a friend for several years actually did not like you one bit?

It's a bit of a confusing situation, one that's got me a bit muddled... The same situation has happened before, when I was about nine... and I'm still unsure of its significance...

anyway, I really don't expect a reply... This is more of a stress-reliever type of thing...

...

 

[Istanbul]

This has actually happened to me twice in the last few years.

The feeling of betrayal and hurt is there. This person was never really your friend, despite how much they seemed like it. All the effort you put into the friendship was a waste; without reciprocation, no relationship can work, and friendship is a relationship.

Ultimately, what you have to do is move on. You didn't lose a friend, because the person was never your friend to begin with. So ultimately, all you did was learn the truth about a certain aspect of your life. Go find new friends and try again; not *everybody* is like that, remember.

 

[Ransac]

I hope it's not anybody I know.



Ransac, cpa trash man

 

[DÛke]

...never happened to me in real life, but it happened to me once on the net. I disagree with Istanbul here...

Istanbul:

...You didn't lose a friend...

Actually, you did. In the past, you obviously have treated the person as a friend, right? When he or she is gone...than you've lost someone, despite your new knowledge of him or her not liking you. Mostly, however, this depends on how long of a relationship you've had. Right, Istanbul?

Sometimes, you really like an individual because you feel that they offer you so much knowledge, and can make your day better...maybe even be there in your time of need, but once you learn that they've never cared for you, than...that feeling isn't a good one, that's for sure...and you *do* feel like you lost someone. My advice is, move on. Those who don't want to be associated with you, you must disassociate with.

 

[Istanbul]

Sorry, man. If you liked the person, but they strung you along, that's not what a friend does. I maintain that you didn't lose a friend because while you treated them like a friend, they didn't do likewise...and it takes two friend-types to make a friendship.

 

[DÛke]

..

I maintain that you didn't lose a friend because while you treated them like a friend, they didn't do likewise...

No, you didn't lose a friend...but you've lost someone who you cared for. You lost somebody, that's for sure...

 

[Istanbul]

Oh, you lost somebody, that's for sure. But I'd rather face the ugly truth than live a pretty lie; the fact of the matter is that false friends are among the worst things ever.

 

[DÛke]

...Yup. Facing the ugly truth is all right. You still lost somebody who was potentially of significance, though.

In Orgg's case, the relationship was over a long period of time, "several years," to quote Orgg. First, how did you manage to be deceived for that long? Second, how did you discover this? Answering these questions makes it easier to decide upon the next step. Sometimes, you can't just "move on," and forget about it. In some cases, that could be denial…which is an ugly thing on its own.

 

[theorgg]

Well, it was the only Latin teacher in the school, and I have taken the class for three years just to be in his class. He had a good sense of humour, and laughed at most of the same types of jokes I did.

He asked my mother to put me in another class next semester, if not, he was going to simply have me moved.

I've taken the 3rd year before, and gotten a grade similarly low as to this year, and I guess he just couldn't stand me for six more months...

:MAD:

The fact that he asked my mother to transfer me instead of me did it...


Oh well... I plan on getting along with my life, but I will miss the Latin Club... I was elected as webmaster by 'em this year... and now I"m out.

Not that it matters, as they have three middlemen before the content gets putonto the website...

 

[Killer Joe]

Professionally speaking, a teacher should always be friendly to students but never become a friend.
Having a student as a friend could lead to serious trouble for the teacher. It only takes ONE accusation from some irate student to makes the teacher's life a living hell.
I play Magic with my students but I make it totally clear to them that I'm still a professional who is "In Charge" of their health and welfare and am to be regarded in such a manner, always.

 

[theorgg]

Ah.

So considering your teacher as being 'your friend' is a mistake.

Well, I never thought about it like that. I guess it was the joking around that got me.

I take it that you don't provide rides for Wonka to tournaments and such? you just see him there?

Well, it puts the whole thing into prospective, there.

I guess all teachers that arn't also nuns are evil beings of satan as Jack Chick said

 

[Killer Joe]

Counting on a teacher to be a friend, as in, let's you and me go out to the movies tonight and then to the mall and just hang-out, "YES", that's wrong.
Counting on a teacher to be a friend as in, I'm in trouble.......or, Let's you and I shoot the breeze......,or friendly stuff like that is cool.
My band director in high school was my friend, but I never went to his house, or hung out with him. It wasn't until later in my life, when I was the teacher, did I start to understand what a Teacher/Student friendship was about: I'm still the adult who's "In-Charge" of my students.

I joke around with my students, in fact, about a half a dozen or so eat lunch with me in the bandroom. However, everyone is well aware of the established "Line" of authority that we all respect.

Wonka is a ninth grade student, but not in my school district. And, I regard him as someone I see at the local shop and give rides to tournaments, I don't think he'd ever want me to hang out with him socially, nor would I. Playing Magic is the only common denominator between us.

Unlike the others who've posted, I cannot begin to know the hardship you're going through, I don't recall that that's ever happened to me, though I should confess that I have been the one who has from time to time "blown off" someone whom I was friendly with and I've been whole-heartedly aware of their pain and suffering caused by me .

Lastly, I acknowledge that I'm not very witty, so if your response post to me was sarcastic (I'm not really sure), I don't appreciate it. If not, my bad, and I apologize for thinking so.

 

[theorgg]

No offence was ment, the last comment was totally sarcastic, as if you remember my posting of the links to some of the rediculous Jack Chick comics that exist.

The rest was not ment as sarcasm, as I havn't seen somone whose "friendly" with you(and not just snotty or mean, or detached) differently as I see other not-intersocial friends in the hall...

I ment no offence at all, Yellowjacket, and I didn't know that Wonka wasn't in your class. I guess I missed that part of it.

It just puts things in a new prospective. 'Teachers as Professionals' just never occured to me. they always seemed to be "Teachers as Teachers."

Then again, I guess I should get ready for even tougher feelings, as I'm goning to graduate in less than six months...

Thanks to everyone who actually took the time to reply-- I didn't think that it was nessissary, but I do think differently now, if only slightly, and that's a good thing. Thank Ya'll.

 

[Almindhra]

Originally posted by Yellowjacket
I play Magic with my students but I make it totally clear to them that I'm still a professional who is "In Charge" of their health and welfare and am to be regarded in such a manner, always.

Me and Matt talked about this a lot, and we never understood it with you, I guess I still don't...Matt never understood about why you were so secretive about playing magic with him...And we were always aware of the "in charge" kind of aspect because you always made it clear...Its just an odd situation, I can't really explain...

Well, you are a friend to me now, I guess, compared to back then, but I thought we were always friends...But, hmm, I still can't call you Mark...I guess you'll always be Mr 'O' to me...

 

[Killer Joe]

Ally: "Technically" those times I played Magic with him was on "Company Time" in other words, I was playing while getting paid by the tax payers. Not a good thing. Now, I only play before or after school and during our 'Club' Period, playing Magic during school time is not worth losing my job .
And secondly, I still wasn't cool about "comming out" as a Magic player, you know about that, playing a satanic game (tongue-in-cheek) and sacrficing ally cats and such (heh-heh). I guess I just didn't give people enough credit to understand, like Andy Beck or Kenny Turner or your fav Mr. Lolli.
BTW, you CAN call me Mark, just don't call me late for dinner .

Orgg: Cool. But graduation, is entirely another major event in your life, no one is ever ready for it. Good Luck!

 

[Istanbul]

Orgg - Trust me, man. College is to high school as heaven is to hell. It's bliss.
"What classes do I take? Whatever classes I want to take."
"What am I studying? Whatever I decide to take as a major."
"Do I live with my folks? Maybe. Hopefully not."

 

[Prince RXI]

Hey, Orgg. I too have been friends with some of my teachers, but... to say that you feel rejected about this sort of thing??? Listen up, you monsterous creation of a higher power D), and listen good... He probably has done this for the better, maybe he thought he wasn't getting through to you anymore. Or maybe he thought you higher than his class. Who knows... before you judge anyone for their actions, stop and think about WHY they did it, if you can't come up with anything then go ASK them. If they don't tell you (which is the least likely thing to happen) then no worry, just that... your worst fear has been realized. No biggy. Hey, don't worry about it, ok? Take it from the master, every year I made friends with almost every teacher. At the end of the year, I just move on to a new grade and try to make friends with those teachers. No biggy.





Prince RXI, Monsterous Creation of a Higher Power... that's a good one

 

[DÛke]

...this thing was about teachers, than it's easier than it was. I know how you might like a teacher so much, to the point that you become "friends" with him or her. I had that happen to me when I was in 8th grade, but shortly, the year passed by, and I had to "move on." I still remember that teacher, but I'm no "regret" for "moving on" because I've met more wonderful teachers a long the way.

Plus, at the university, you'll get to meet some of the coolest professors that you'll just "love." Throughout high school, for example, my grade in American History or Government didn't surpass a C, mostly it floated around a D. At the university, where it's supposed to be "harder," I passed it with an easy B...all due to the professor. We had a great relationship, great understading of each other's situations and life's basis, so he understood where "I'm comin' from," and they really do help you. It's *not* a mistake having your professor (or teacher) be your friend...a real friend. They're just human beings that anyone may find interesting, why let their occupation stop you from befriending them? Of course, like YellowJacket pointed out, you must understand the "in charge" concept, and keep your limits, but, a great relationship *can* be established, and more importantly, after you graduate the university, when hopefully you become more independent, you could really become friends with your professors. I'm already a great friend with some of my professors, and I think it'll only get better and better. If you like high school, than you must haven't seen what the university life is all about: responsibility *and* fun at the same *exact* time. It works for me. I'm sure it'll work for you.

...you'll meet a lot of single ladies too, who're lookin' for an intelligent guys. You'll get your chances Orgg...believe me, you'll get all the shots you need to establish your life and your friends even more.