F
FoundationOfRancor
Guest
Hey everyone,
I am producing and directing a movie soon, but I wanted to elong the script to make it an hour, as opposed to the 25 minutes it is right now. I was hoping some of you guys could help me with filler? The movie is called Sunder. Heres the plot, as it is.
*Characters names need to be changed*
-Casey and Jim are best friends. They are both made fun of, and are of the loser social class. Casey kills himself, and Jim blames himself.
-5 months later
-Jim is listing to techno at his desk, when the phone rings. He picks up, and the caller identifies himself as Jonah. Jonah is saying that he just killed a girl, and he liked it. He says he killed a girl named Lisa Bartley. Jim freaks out, because he knows a lisa bartley. Jim hangs up on Jonah in panic
-Jim calls Lisa Bartley, and she picks up the phone. Obviously shes still alive.
-This is what needs the most work, Jim's life needs to go through some changes, that mess with him. For example, we have his parents divorcing, but we need more. Whatever is decided, Jim keeps seeing his old friend Casey in his dreams, and Casey gives advice about how to deal with his problems.
-Throughout the one note above, Jim becomes convinced (With the help of Dream Casey) Jonah is going to kill Lisa, and that he was confessing to a crime he was planning to do. Jim decides to save her.
-She obviously doesent beleive him.
-He tries multiple times to warn her, but the only thing he accomplishes in is freaking her out. Casey eggs him on.
-Now by now the events that have been messing up Jim's life catch up to him, and he sees Casey (Jim sees Casey when he is not dreaming, thats important), and Casey tells jim to go to lisa's house in one last-dtich attempt.
-Jim, fearing what is happeneing, goes to a rave to try and get out of his problems for a bit. The same techno song is playing as before, when he got the original Jonah call. Anyway, as Jim is tecnoing, half dissolves show him leaving the rave, and going to lisas house. The dissolves continue during all of the folowing scenes that are italized.
- She answers the door, and totally chews him up. She insults every aspect of him. Casey appears, but Lisa apparently cannot see him.
-In that instance Jim snaps, forces open her door, and starts grabbing her, screaming at her. All throughout this Casey is right by Jim, screaming for him to save her.
-Lisa calls the police before Jim can catch up to her. Jim kills her.
The Rave dissolve scenes end with Jim leaving the rave.
-Jims mom (or friends, this can be tied into filler) finds in Jims room a box of pictures of lisa.
-Over lisa's body, jim picks up the phone, and repeats the original phone conversation with Jonah. Only this time, Jim says exactly what Jonah says, and you cannot hear the opposite end of the conversation. (Its possible that Casey is sitting next to jim as Jim is on the phone, and Casey is reciting everything Jim says in the original phone call. I havnt decided yet.)
-Casey starts laughing. Jim stares at him, and then shoots himself, Casey's laughing ends abrubtly. As the movie ends you can hear a dial tone, and then an operator voice from the phone (Jim never hung up)
End.
What do you guys think? I think its a good idea, but it defintly needs more filler. Can anyone help?
I am producing and directing a movie soon, but I wanted to elong the script to make it an hour, as opposed to the 25 minutes it is right now. I was hoping some of you guys could help me with filler? The movie is called Sunder. Heres the plot, as it is.
*Characters names need to be changed*
-Casey and Jim are best friends. They are both made fun of, and are of the loser social class. Casey kills himself, and Jim blames himself.
-5 months later
-Jim is listing to techno at his desk, when the phone rings. He picks up, and the caller identifies himself as Jonah. Jonah is saying that he just killed a girl, and he liked it. He says he killed a girl named Lisa Bartley. Jim freaks out, because he knows a lisa bartley. Jim hangs up on Jonah in panic
-Jim calls Lisa Bartley, and she picks up the phone. Obviously shes still alive.
-This is what needs the most work, Jim's life needs to go through some changes, that mess with him. For example, we have his parents divorcing, but we need more. Whatever is decided, Jim keeps seeing his old friend Casey in his dreams, and Casey gives advice about how to deal with his problems.
-Throughout the one note above, Jim becomes convinced (With the help of Dream Casey) Jonah is going to kill Lisa, and that he was confessing to a crime he was planning to do. Jim decides to save her.
-She obviously doesent beleive him.
-He tries multiple times to warn her, but the only thing he accomplishes in is freaking her out. Casey eggs him on.
-Now by now the events that have been messing up Jim's life catch up to him, and he sees Casey (Jim sees Casey when he is not dreaming, thats important), and Casey tells jim to go to lisa's house in one last-dtich attempt.
-Jim, fearing what is happeneing, goes to a rave to try and get out of his problems for a bit. The same techno song is playing as before, when he got the original Jonah call. Anyway, as Jim is tecnoing, half dissolves show him leaving the rave, and going to lisas house. The dissolves continue during all of the folowing scenes that are italized.
- She answers the door, and totally chews him up. She insults every aspect of him. Casey appears, but Lisa apparently cannot see him.
-In that instance Jim snaps, forces open her door, and starts grabbing her, screaming at her. All throughout this Casey is right by Jim, screaming for him to save her.
-Lisa calls the police before Jim can catch up to her. Jim kills her.
The Rave dissolve scenes end with Jim leaving the rave.
-Jims mom (or friends, this can be tied into filler) finds in Jims room a box of pictures of lisa.
-Over lisa's body, jim picks up the phone, and repeats the original phone conversation with Jonah. Only this time, Jim says exactly what Jonah says, and you cannot hear the opposite end of the conversation. (Its possible that Casey is sitting next to jim as Jim is on the phone, and Casey is reciting everything Jim says in the original phone call. I havnt decided yet.)
-Casey starts laughing. Jim stares at him, and then shoots himself, Casey's laughing ends abrubtly. As the movie ends you can hear a dial tone, and then an operator voice from the phone (Jim never hung up)
End.
What do you guys think? I think its a good idea, but it defintly needs more filler. Can anyone help?