Let me be the first to feed you one of a number of rules sets:
1. This forum is either a spoon or a fork, but not a spork.
2. There is no aforementioned utensil, most likely spoon.
3. We can therefore deduce that this forum does not exist.
4. On a completely unrelated note, it can be mathematically proven that both major party candidates in the recent presidential election are carrots.
Be afraid... be VERY afraid...