Fruitcake 2B Creature - Cake 0/1 B: Regenerate Fruitcake. If Fruitcake is dealt lethal damage this turn, put a +0/+1 counter on it at end of turn. "Why is it that the more I eat of this stuff, the more there is? Beavis 1R Creature - Legendary Idiot 2/1 If Butthead is in play, Beavis gets +1/+2. 1RR, T: Search your library for a card with the word 'Fire' in the title. Put that card into your hand. "Heh heh...fire! FIRE!" Butthead 1R Creature - Legendary Idiot 1/2 If Beavis is in play, Butthead gets +2/+1. RRR, T: Butthead deals 2 damage to target creature. "Uhhhh...huh-huh...don't make me kick your @ss, Beavis!" Skateboard 3 Artifact 2, T: Target creature you control gains first strike, trample, and haste until end of turn. Bury that creature at end of turn. "Dude...I'm going FAST! Now I just need to figure out how to steer..." Goblin Prostitute 1R Creature - Goblin 0/1 Sacrifice a creature: Target opponent gains control of Goblin Prostitute. You may not sacrifice a Goblin Prostitute in this way. At the end of each turn, all players that control a Goblin Prostitute take 3 damage. You pay her NOT to go out with you. Elvis 3W Creature - Lord 2/3 When Elvis comes into play, choose a creature type. Creatures you control of that type gain +1/+1. He's not a king. He's THE king. CPA Ban 2W Instant Counter target spell with a median Scrye value greater than $5.00. CPA Ban can't be countered by spells or abilities. (You must have the most recent issue of Scrye at hand to cast this spell.) "You own the Power 9, and drive a Pinto?" Rabbit 2G Creature - Rabbit 1/1 Tap two Rabbits you control: Put a 1/1 green Rabbit token into play. Wilt Chamberlain, eat your heart out. Tyrannosaurus Rex 2GGG Creature - Dinosaur 6/5 Trample During your upkeep, sacrifice a basic forest or sacrifice Tyrannosaurus Rex. The Tyrannosaurus Rex ruled the world for so long, it was only a matter of time until the world ruled it back. Broken Time Card U Instant Choose one: Take another turn after this one; or both players shuffle their hands, graveyards, and libraries together and draw seven cards; or counter target spell. Your opponent chooses one: Kick you in the head; or break target bone in your body; or bend you over and re-enact Deliverance. "You won. Was it worth it?" Anonymity 2U Enchantment All permanents lose legendary status. "Nicol who?" Copy Enchantment 1UU Enchantment Choose an enchantment currently in play. Copy Enchantment becomes a copy of that enchantment. If Copy Enchantment copies an Enchant Creature card, you may choose a new creature for this spell to enchant. Demonic Death of Evil Hatred BBB Instant Sacrifice target player. "Hold your arm still, Bob...we gotta do what the card says!" Stupidity 1U Enchant Creature Enchanted creature loses all special abilities. "Intriguing. My nemesis is apparently endeavoring to cast an...enchantment...on...oooh. Pretty colors..." Funky Monkey 2B Creature - Monkey 2/2 Kicker 2B If you paid the kicker cost, Funky Monkey comes into play with a +1/+1 counter and gains 'B: Regenerates'. B: Funky Monkey deals 1 damage to all creatures and players. "I hate cleaning out the monkey cages. They always throw crap at me." Order of Chaos 1WR Creature - Knight 3/3 First Strike If you control a basic Plains, sacrifice Order of Chaos. If you control a basic Mountain, sacrifice Order of Chaos. Multiple Personality Disorder is not a redeeming quality in a Knight. Cream Pie 2W Instant Choose one: target creature becomes a 0/1 and loses all special abilities until end of turn; or gain 7 life; or destroy target enchantment or artifact. Key Lime Pie 2G Instant Choose one: target creature gets +4/+4 until end of turn; or untap all creatures you control; or creatures deal no combat damage this turn. Blueberry Pie 2U Instant Choose one: counter target spell unless its caster pays 2; or all creatures you control gain flying until end of turn; or return target permanent to its owner's hand. Cherry Pie 2R Instant Choose one: Cherry Pie deals 3 damage to target creature or player; or destroy target artifact; or all creatures without flying and all players take 2 damage. Blackberry Pie 2B Instant Choose one: destroy target nonblack, nonartifact creature (that creature can't be regenerated); or all swamps produce an additional B when tapped for mana until end of turn; or bring target creature card from your graveyard back to your hand. Empowerment 1WG Enchant Creature Enchanted creature gets +1/+1, trample, and first strike. Draw a card when Empowerment comes into play. "Good warriors have strength. Great warriors have skill." Viral Torment 1UB Enchant Creature 1B: Put a -1/-1 counter on enchanted creature. U: Move Viral Torment to another creature. Draw a card when Viral Torment comes into play. "We can't break his spirit with torture, sir." "Bring me his friend." Angelic Wings 1WU Enchant Creature Enchanted creature gets +0/+2. U: Return Angelic Wings to your hand. UUU: Return Angelic Wings and enchanted creature to your hand. Draw a card when Angelic Wings comes into play. "The heavens themselves are my ally. What can you hope to do against me?" Savage Fury 1RG Enchant Creature Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and haste. G: Regenerate enchanted creature. Draw a card when Savage Fury comes into play. "YOU block him." Unending Rage 1RB Enchant Creature Enchanted creature can't be blocked except by black or artifact creatures. 1R: Enchanted creature deals 1 damage to target creature and 1 damage to itself. "Hatred is a form of energy. Like any other energy, it can be harnessed..." Improvisation 3UU Instant Choose one: Counter target spell; or target spell, which must have a single target, has another target of your choice; or return two target permanents to their owners' hands. A spell for all seasons. Intellect Crush BBB Sorcery Look at target player's hand and choose a card. Remove that card from the game. "To be erased, to be removed, to be undone. That is your fate." Love Potion W Enchant Creature When Love Potion comes into play, choose a creature. The chosen can't be the target of abilities of the enchanted creature, and damage dealt to the chosen creature by the enchanted creature is reduced to zero. "Love is imperfect, in that we often hurt those we love. That's where potions come in." Genocide 3UBB Sorcery When you play Genocide, choose a creature type. Remove from the game all creatures of the chosen type. Look at target opponent's hand, library, and graveyard. Remove all creatures of the chosen type from the game. The cruelest stroke was discovered in the archmage's records: an unknown species, not only wiped from the face of the planet, but from the memory of all who lived. Razzerdrix 2RR Creature - Beast 4/4 Whenever Razzerdrix attacks or blocks, it gains flying until end of turn. At the end of any turn, if neither player has taken any damage, sacrifice Razzerdrix. "Who ever thought it could use its ears to fly?" Wall of Vines 1GG Creature - Wall 0/3 T: Add 1 to your mana pool. T: Tap target attacking creature. That creature doesn't untap during its controller's untap phase as long as Wall of Vines remains tapped. You may choose not to untap Wall of Vines during your untap phase. "It won't hurt you. That's not what it's for..." Parallax Fluctuator 3 Artifact T: Choose a creature with Fading. Flip a coin. If the flip lands in your favor, that creature loses fading. Otherwise, remove the creature from the game. "This could cure you. Or..." Frenzy RR Instant Target creature you control gets +3/+0, trample, and first strike until end of turn. At end of turn, remove that creature from the game, as well as all creatures you control with the same converted mana cost as that creature. A frenzy is very hazardous to one's opponents...and one's allies. Tortured Dreams 2B Enchantment B, Sacrifice a creature: Put target permanent on top of its owner's library. That player may pay B or 3 to move that card to the bottom of their library. When one is denied the simple refuge of a peaceful night's sleep, everything suffers. Nature's Course GGG Enchantment When Nature's Course comes into play, tap two creatures you control. Put a 0/1 green Beast token into play. During your upkeep, you may put a +1/+1 counter on the Beast token. If the power of the Beast token is ever greater than the combined power of the two selected creatures, sacrifice it. The best green mages know when to simply let nature take its course. Medical Training 1W Enchant Creature Enchanted creature gets 'T: Prevent the next 1 damage to target player or the next 2 damage to target creature'. In the end, the Samite Healers realize that they were too few in number, so they began to teach their craft to others. Borrowed Time UUU Enchant Permanent Enchanted permanent has 'Cumulative Upkeep: 1'. Nothing lasts forever. Civilian Troop 2WW Creature - Soldier 3/3 First Strike If Civilian Troop is the target of a spell or ability, sacrifice it and put three white 1/1 Soldier tokens with first strike into play. Spore Cluster 2GG Creature - Fungus 3/3 Trample If Spore Cluster is the target of a spell or ability, sacrifice it and put three green 1/1 Fungus tokens with 'T: Add G to your mana pool' into play. Flock of Seagulls 2UU Creature - Bird 3/3 Flying If Flock of Seagulls is the target of a spell or ability, sacrifice it and put three blue 1/1 Bird tokens with flying into play. Goblin Mob 2UU Creature - Goblin 3/3 Haste If Goblin Mob is the target of a spell or ability, sacrifice it and put three red 1/1 Goblin tokens with haste into play. Skeletal Horde 2BB Creature - Skeleton 3/3 B: Regenerates If Skeletal Horde is the target of a spell or ability, sacrifice it and put three black Skeleton tokens with 'B: Regenerates' into play. Lynch 1WW Enchantment Sacrifice Lynch, tap X untapped creatures you control: Lynch deals X damage to target creature. "Get the rope." Transfer Vitality GG Sorcery Until end of turn, you may reveal any number of creature cards in your hand at any time. Whenever you reveal a creature card in this way, you may pay X life. If you do, add X green mana to your mana pool. This mana may only be used to pay the casting cost of a revealed creature card. If you pay the mana cost of a revealed creature card, put it into play with haste. During any end step, remove all creatures put into play with Transfer Vitality from the game. Unstable Tremors R Sorcery Flip a coin. If it lands in your favor, destroy target land. Otherwise, you take 3 damage. Toxic Venom X1G Sorcery X target creature gain 'Whenever this creature deals combat damage to any player, that player receives a poison counter. If any player has 10 or more poison counters, they lose the game.' Intellect Focus UUU Enchantment U, Pay 1 life: Counter target spell. Whenever you play an instant, sacrifice Intellect Focus. Viral Rot B Enchant Creature Whenever any creature blocks or is blocked by the enchanted creature, you may choose to put a -1/-1 counter on both that creature and the enchanted creature. "I'm taking you with me." Deny U Instant Counter target spell cast by an opponent. The caster of that spell chooses a permanent. Return that permanent to its owner's hand. Mana Dilution 1U Enchantment All lands that can produce only colorless mana instead produce 0 when tapped for mana. Make up your mind, or it will be made up for you. Diversity's Price 2GG Enchantment All spells cost an additional mana of each color that lands their caster controls can produce. (If a spell's caster has an Island, a Mountain, and a Forest in play, their spells cost an additional UGR.) The more you take from the world, the more it wants in return.