Crovax vs Ertai

A

arhar

Guest
or Battle for Evincardom: How it could've been if they'd let me write it.


Warning: Blue mages and other easily offendable persons will probably consider this post really immature and childish.
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Setting: Crovax and Ertai are circling around the flowstone chamber, Crovax wielding his huge battle axe, and Ertai his staff.

Ertai: So this what all comes down to, huh, you huge fu[bleep]cking idiot? Do you actually think that after you beat me, IF you beat me, you'll be allowed to run things your way in Rath? NO!!

Crovax: (after thinking for a while) Shut up, little bitch! (swinging his axe)

Ertai: (dodging the blade) Um, thanks, but NO! Was THAT it?

Crovax: Oooh, I see that you're never tired of those stupid blue lines, huh? I'll TERROR you, PUNK!!!

Ertai: Um.. NO! Counterspell.

Crovax: What? You're daring to counter MY spells???!!?

Ertai: Actually, this was aimed at Volrath, who's standing behind your back.

Crovax turns around.

Ertai: A-HAHHAHA!!! FOOLED YOU!! You Toppled Volrath a week ago, don't you remember, FOOL? While you're away, I'll quickly Whispers with a buyback. And kick you in the ass for that, too!

Crovax: Carrion! Keep away! My blade will come to you!!! RRRRRR... While you're tapped out, I'll DARK BANISHING you, Ignorant Fool!!! Die, you measly 1/1!!!!

Ertai: Umm... NO!! Force of will it, dumb [bleep]!! I'll remove "Capsize" from the game to pay for it.

Crovax: Grrrrr... How about.. HAND OF DEATH???

Ertai: Huh? What expansion is that from?

Crovax: HAHAHAHA!! I knew it! You arrogant fool don't even know what Portal is. Counter THIS, biaaaaatch!

Ertai: Uh.. ohh.. so long, Hasran Ogress, love of my life... (dies)

Crovax: Things are gonna change around here.
 
I

Istanbul

Guest
That is COMPLETELY implausible.

You'd have the reader believe that someone won with a PORTAL card?
 
A

arhar

Guest
Well, the point was supposed to be that it's a casual card.. But I guess I did mess it up. Um any other suggestions on how Casual Crovax could deliver the final blow to Ertai the Annoying?
 
M

Multani

Guest
Are you really sure this should be posted on this forum. And why can't Erati just counter anything Crovax throws at him?

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"To make peace with the forest, make peace with me."
-Multani to Urza
 
A

arhar

Guest
To answer both of your questions at once, Multani:

because Ertai is a little bitch! :0
 
T

The Magic Jackal

Guest
Yep, i really hated that guy. Jodah is by far my fav mage, then barrin. Ertai is just plain annoying. Teferi was too, but he was pretty cool.
 
G

Gryphonclaw

Guest
I thought Ertai was an interesting concept, but a tad overpowered.

Here's my take on the finish:

Crovax: Screw this countermagic shit, die by the hand of Crovax!

Crovax lunges forward, axe extended, Ertai blocks with his staff, which shatters.

Ertai: Dammit!

Crovax: Hah! Death to the blue weenie!

Crovax lunges again.

Ertai frantically scans his memory for a way to deal with this, panics and....

Ertai: Unsummon!

Ertai vanishes from sight. Crovax pauses and looks around.

Crovax: Where'd he go dammit?

A swirl of blue is seen. It starts to coalesce into the form of Ertai.

Crovax: Trying to re-summon yourself eh?

Ertai: (faintly) What're you gonna do about it punk!

Crovax: WITHERING BOON!!

Ertai: Noooooooooo. Eliminated by a crappy mirage common!!! Damn you! Damn you all too heellllllll...... (His voice gets fainter and fainter.)

Crovax: Heh Heh Heh, I knew there was a reason I hung on to that.
 
M

Mr Dark

Guest
Here's my take on the whole thing. Ertai, exhausted from a long day of admiring his reflection in the mirrors of the stronghold, and trying to convince every denizen of the palace of his greatness, finds his way to the throne room of the Stronghold. He idly hums a tune to a song he made up praising his heroic virtues, when the door flies open and the Ascendant Envicar - Crovax enters the room. Suddenly Ertai clutches at his throat, and sinks to the floor with an agonized groan, and soon after perishes.

Crovax: Right...... (Think Dr. Evil)
 
A

arhar

Guest
Imagine Crovax rapping:

Mini-Crovax... you complete me. Yeah, yeah, just the two of us!!
 
I

Istanbul

Guest
Here's how I see it happening.

Crovax: All right, you little turd. I've had it with you prancing around the Stronghold like you own the place. I'm ATTACKING!

*Crovax swoops in, battleax ready. A loud crunch is heard behind Ertai, who remains unharmed, grinning.*

Ertai: Heh heh. Sorry about that...guess I can't block you, seeing as how you're flying and all. We can't enter combat. Shucks.

*Crovax reappears, fuming. Ertai is leaning casually against a wall.*

Crovax: Fine! We'll do this the hard way...after all, I have a VENDETTA against you!

*A flash of black magic bursts out from Crovax's hands...and withers away, falling to dust. Ertai stands with his hands outstretched.*

Ertai: Was that IT? I really expected more from you, being three times my size and all. Oh well. Guess they don't make evil overlords like they used to.

*Ertai shrugs. Crovax grins evilly.*

Crovax: You look all tapped out, prettyboy. Guess you can only counter one spell per turn.

*Ertai looks worried for a second before his poker face sets in.*

Crovax: I'm more of an evil overlord than you think. Watch as I make a new law: Ertai Must Die! It's a nasty little proclaimation...think of it as a Diabolic Edict!

Ertai: Ummm...would it help if I said 'Sorry, sir'?

*Ertai falls to the ground, clutching his heart. In a moment, his lifeless body falls still.*

Crovax: No.
 
O

Ophidian

Guest
Wouldn't it be funny if crovax threw everything he had at ertai, with no success, and finally kills ertai by stepping on him or something comparable.

Ertai: You are too big and clumsy to defeat me crovax.

Crovax: <swings axe> die you stupid runt!

Ertai: <stunned> just for that, I will cast eye for an eye!

Crovax: <angered> come here you sniveling...

Ertai casts capsise on crovax, and he dissapears

moments later, ertai hears a strange noise...

Crovax:<from above> diiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee! <stomps ertai to the ground>

Ertai: I...must...rescue...myself...

Ertai dissapears.

Crovax: I will twist your mind! Bwahahahahahaha! you cannot stop me, puny fool!
Ertai withers into nothing.

If only it was that easy to get rid of Ertai in a game...
 
T

The Magic Jackal

Guest
why does crovax have to win? wouldn't it be cooler if a wandering Rhox came and ate crovax? And when crovaw tried to cut open the rhox he just regenerated? now that's funny!

"no, don't eat me!"
 
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