Card texts

[VoLRaTH]

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The dead make good soldiers. They can't disobey orders, they never surrender, and they don't stop fighting when a random body part falls off.
-Nevinyrral, Necromancer's Handbook

Davvol, blast those elves.' 'Davvol, transport those troops.' No one cares that today is my birthday.

From Gaea grew the world, and the world was silent. From Gaea grew the world's elves, and the world was silent no more.
-Elvish teaching

Eye of twilight, give us sight.
Take our offer, give us might.
Make our power tears of night.

 

[Hawaiian mage]

I offered you eternal life. I just didn't say where...

If you and a friend find yourselves running from a king cheetah; trip your friend.

From you to me, so me to you.
-Jameeran chald tuant
(Well this is just weird. What kind of tuant is that!?! That has got to be the most idiotic tuant I have ever heard of! Sheesh...)

 

[K1]

On the day of victory, no one is tired.

 

[HumanError]

Here's mine...

Urza saw the wall and realized even if he tore every Phyrexian to pieces, they would still resist him.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. (Carrion Beetles)

"Gix doesn't want a people to rule but puppets to entertain his madness." - Xantcha, Phyrexian outcast

When nothing but second best will do. (Delusions of Mediocrity)

 

[Dark Horse]

Fodder Cannon
Step 1: Find your cousin
Step 2: Get your cousin into the cannon
Step 3: Find another cousin


Horned Troll
If I says its a troll, its a troll, goblins is always right in Mercadia

Flowstone Overseer
The rebels looked around for the source of the noise. Then they realized it was coming from everywhere

Gamble
If you have nothing why not trade it in for something else

My actual favorite is carnival of souls, but somebody already said that one.

 

[Duel]

Sneak Attack
Nothin' beats surprise. 'xcept an rock.

Goblin Grenade
You don't suppose we could teach them to THROW the damn things?

Onslaught
The last thing to go through the mogg's head were it's feet.

Counterpell (MM)
Your attack has been rendered harmless, it is, however, quite pretty.

Counterspell (TE)
It was probably a lousy spell anyways -Ertai, Wizard Adept

Coat of Arms
One, two, three, four
Don't know how ta count no more!

Mogg Fanatic
I got it!

Meteor Shower
Eenie, meenie, miney... Oh, why not all of them? -Jaya Ballard, Task Mage.

Fool's Tome
Squee: What's that?
Ertai: A magic book
Squee: Am I smart enough to use it?
Ertai: You could say that...

Fling (???)
It's raining rats and moggs

Bloodshot cyclops
After their first encounter, the goblins decided to calln him chuck...

goblin bombardment
one mogg to aim the catapult. One mog to guide the rock.

 

[VoLRaTH]

Dominate:
"I've come to reclaim what is mine. And you, Greven, are mine."
- Volrath

Volrath the Fallen
"I stepped out. I did not step down."

Volcanic Dragon
Speed and fire are always a deadly combination.

 

[VoLRaTH]

Phyrexian Denouncer
"The first stage of the illness: rash and nausea."

Phyrexian Debaser
"The second stage of the illness: high fever and severe infectiousness."

Phyrexian Defiler
"The third stage of the illness: muscle aches and persistent cough."

Phyrexian Plaguelord
"The final stage of the illness: delirium, convulsions, and death."

 

[VoLRaTH]

Ihsan, the weak. Ihsan, the fallen. Ihsan, the betrayer He has brought shame to the Serra Paladins where none existed before. May his suffering equal his betrayal."
-Baris, Serra Inquisitor

 

[Hetemti]

Vark decided to lie down and think of a good excuse to quit working. (Sluggishness)

"You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up with ya!" -Vark, Goblin Scout, Last Words (Viashino Cutthroat)

Your porous flesh betrays you. (Parch)

"We've managed to keep the goblins in their assigned areas, but there's little we can do about the smell." (Defence Grid)

It will be the goblin's first bath, and it's last. (Bulwark)

When Urza asked the Viashino what it did, they answered: "It hums." (Thran Turbine)

The goblins are in charge of maintenance? Why not just set it on fire now and call it a day?" (Impending Disaster)

They certainly are. (Goblin Offensive)

Land charred black, rivers boiled, Crops and wells alike despoiled, Mountains leveled, forests felled - Footprints of the beasts of Keld. (Wake of Destruction) (I miss the poetic style of the old cards...this, being Destiny, is a rare exception.)

 

[Elrond]

"Beast. Defiler. The source of all my pain."
-Ihsan's Shade

"I can't think with all that screaming."

"I will trade life for life with the insurgents. Our resources, unlike theirs, are limitless."
-Davvol, Evincar of Rath

"Memory is a burden that wears at the soul as weather wears at stone."
-Crovax


"This will work," Gerrard called to the elves as he used the forge to strengthen the aboroh,"but if it doesn't, we won't survive to care"

From nothing came teeth

Campus pranksters initiate new students with the old beeble bomb trick.

"Maybe we can trap them with bait," thought Tahngarth, eyeing Squee.

"Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead."
-Jaya Ballard, task mage

Irony is getting walked on by the earthinstead of the other way around.

"I have no master. I am chaos."
-Maraxus of Keld

"Eron would be much less of a hassle if only he were mortal."
-Reyhan, Samite Alchemist.

To merfolk, pirates are a nuisance. To pirates, merfolk are a threat. To the kraken, they're both appetizers.

 

[Hetemti]

Oh...that reminds me...

MaRo admitted once that the idea behind Yawgmoth's Bargain was to help fuel his modified white weenie deck. (!)

Looking at the text on Donate...

Whadd'ya bet he intened that card to be used to give your opponent artifacts and enchantments that way your beebles became unblockable.

Sounds like a MaRoIsM to me.

 

[Duel]

Goblin Balloon Brigade
"From up here, we can drop rocks on the other guys"
"Uh, yeah boss, but how do we get down?"

Goblin Digging team
"From down here we can make the whole wall collapse."
"Uh, yeah boss, but how do we get out?"

Outmanuever
Push one goblin into sight and run alot. That's tactics.
-Jula, goblin raider

Goblin Gardner
Grow food in dirt? Save time- eat dirt.

Goblin medics
First, do some harm -Oath of goblins

Lava axe
Catch!

Goblin patrol
Take a sharp metal stick and make a lotta holes. -Jula, goblin raider

Dromosaur
They say dromosaurs are afraid of dogs, even little ones. there are no dogs in shiv. Not even little ones.

Shower of sparks
the viashino learned to operate the rig through trial an error- mostly error.

Ceremonial Guards
These guards are the most disciplined military unit in the city. They couldn't fight their way out of a broom closet, but they've go discipline. -Gerrard, to Sisay

Flowstone Crusher
Someone must have done something very bad to make a rock that angry...

hill giant
Fortunately, giants have large blind spots in which a human can hide. Unfortunately, these blind spots are beneath the bottoms of their feet.

Incinerate
Never taunt an embermage 'What are you going to do?'"- Akin, seasoned akari

Also...

Yes, I think 'Toast' is an appropriate description. -Jaya Ballard, task mage.

Burnout
GOTCHA! -Jaya ballard, Task mage.

Uthden troll
Oi, oi, oi, me gotta hurt in 'ere,
Oi, oi, oi, me smell a ting is near,
Gonna bosh 'n gonna nosh
'n da hurt'll disappear.
-Troll chant

Gray ogre
The ogre philosopher Gnerdel believed the purpose of life was to live as high on the food chain as possible. She refused to eat vegetarians, preferring to live intirely on creatures that preyed on sentient beings.

Goblin shrine
I knew it weren't no ordinary pile of-- you know. -Norin the Wary

Mogg bomber
Behind every great mogg bomber is another mogg with a shovel and a basket...

 

[Elrond]

Here's some more:

"Part of me believes that Barrin taught me meditation simply to shut me up."
-Ertai, Wizard Adept

"I will flay the skin from your flesh and the flesh from your bones and scrape your bones dry. And still you will not have suffered enough."
-Commander Greven il-Vec

"Blood is foul, the flesh is dross. My ascendance thirsts for life itself."
-Crovax

"There are times when destiny calls forth a people and demands an action. Now is the time. We are the people. This is our action. Charge!"
-Eldamri, Lord of Leaves

"Kill them all and feed them to the new recruits."

"Crovax never passes up an opportunity to cause widespread misery."
-Belbe

"Things are going to change around here."
-Crovax

Proximity guarantees injury or death.

 

[Duel]

Goblin Berseker
goblins don't know the meaning of the word tactics- or of the word "meaning", for that matter

Goblin ski patrol
AIIIEE!!!!!- Ib halfheart, goblin tactician.

Squee, goblin nabob
"General?" Tahngarth roared "General nuisance, maybe."

 

[Duel]

Mogg cannon
no mogg ever volunteers twice.

 

[DÛke]

"Everything could be free in this life; money for example."

This flavor text is off a bit, I'm just writing it on top of my head. When I first read this, I cracked up so hard.
It was funny, and in some cases, true.

 

[Duel]

I like this one, what card is it from?]

Davvol, blast those elves.' 'Davvol, transport those troops.' No one cares that today is my birthday.

 

[Elrond]

Greven il-Vec lifted Vhati off his feet. "The fall will give you time to think on your failure."

"I have made Crovax weep; now I will make him scream. The pain will not end, but will bind him to me."-Volrath

"This one has not screamed enough to show effective implantation. Kill it."-Volrath

Death is no excuse to stop working.

Even the puried muscles of the dead can provide strength to those loathsome enough to consume them.

"Ogg hit wall. Ogg no kill wall. Ogg hate wall."

The Crookshank military boasts a standing army of twenty-four million, give or take twenty-two million.

"My power is as vast as the plains, my strength that of mountains. Each wave that crashes upon the shore thunders like blood in my veins"

Warriors of the Tsunami-nito School spend years in training to master the way of effortless effort.

Many people say that no power can bring the mountains low. Many people are fools.

Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight.

"They aren't your friends; they despise you. I'm the only one you can count on. Trust me."

"You are wrong," Volrat said. "I do not hate the living. They often prove quite useful to me." And then he laughed.

"Only fools believe they will face my armies but once."
-Kaervek

Duel: The card that came from is Carnival of Souls, I think.

 

[VoLRaTH]

"The fools thought me dead. But I built an empire inside my tomb."
-Kerrick, sleeper agent