H
Hetemti
Guest
I remember the old ads...
Time-lapse, neat visuals, AWESOME background guitar, narrator...one problem...
Brain. Check.
Deck...where do I get 'em?
Friend...I have to sucker someone else in on this too? Oh, and what are these cards again?
Only once did I see Magic cards in a store before I was "normally introduced" to Magic, ie, saw someone else play. I recognised the logo, got the guitar suck in my head, and moved on. The cards, one of those dual-deck base set packs, dissappeared and I forgot all about Magic, well...not totally. I still played that tape of Mystery Science Theater 3000 that had (has) the old ad on it so every now and then the guitar music and fat guy on that couch would be refreshed in my mind.
Flash forward to the Hasbro purchase. No (new) ads until then. Then what do we get.
Cheap plastic suits. Sure, some people find it odd you play with cards with pictures of goblins and clerics and wurms on them, but you will never hear "is that that card game you play?" said like it is spoken when somebody sees that lame add with the Kez/Vizzerdrix pushing the mail cart.
...children...can you say "lame." Good job.
Recently, mutiple people, perhaps they were in kahoots, said to me: "Hey, do you have that new growth card?"
I assume it to be in reference to the ad I saw last night. Here's the play-by-play:
Opening: WotC Customer Service got a complaint that Goblin Hero is not powerful enough.
Hey, big suprise there. Maybe the complaint is because they made Grey Ogre RARE.
We see the Goblin Hero sitting opposite the Guy In A White Lab Coat™.
Note the fact that the goblin is allmost convincing. Better makeup job than all the Magic ads combined.
Of course the Guy In A White Lab Coat™ has a solution for every problem.
Might I suggest Burning Shield Askari? That's strictly superior...
Cut to two kids playing in the living room:
Player A taps a Forest.
Ugh...what's with these kids today? His lands are right in front of him instead of towards the center of the table. How are your creatures supposed to attack your opponent with no land for them to travel across? Second, he had two lands in a pile but tapped only one. PLEASE stop that! People, keep lands unpiled unless you need table space...and if you have two in one pile and three in another, tap the two-pile for two mana, not the top two of the three pile. Surprise, when you turn half the pile, the other half tries to go with it.
Knock Knock at the door, who is it? Al Gore...no...close. It's our goblin friend. He puts Giant Growth on the stack, apparently with Player A's mana, inflates a little, and throws Player A through the coffee table.
Ok, now the game logic breaks down. First, GG on a Hero is a 5/5. Juzam Djinn and Blastoderm will tell you that a 5/5 does not fit in a doorway, heck, a 5/5 doesn't fit in your house. That goblin might have felt an Agressive Urge, maybe...Second, Player A didn't even get a chance to fight back. He should have at least broken a chair over GH's head. GG doesn't give First Strike. Maybe Player A has 0 power.
The Guy In A White Lab Coat™ asks if that solved his problem.
Roll sales pitch and fade to next ad.
-=-
Better than the old ads, but we still have a way to go. I still miss the guitar. Things are looking up though. More ads mean more people asking about it, which begets more players which begets more stores, which begets lower prices. Hooray!
Time-lapse, neat visuals, AWESOME background guitar, narrator...one problem...
Brain. Check.
Deck...where do I get 'em?
Friend...I have to sucker someone else in on this too? Oh, and what are these cards again?
Only once did I see Magic cards in a store before I was "normally introduced" to Magic, ie, saw someone else play. I recognised the logo, got the guitar suck in my head, and moved on. The cards, one of those dual-deck base set packs, dissappeared and I forgot all about Magic, well...not totally. I still played that tape of Mystery Science Theater 3000 that had (has) the old ad on it so every now and then the guitar music and fat guy on that couch would be refreshed in my mind.
Flash forward to the Hasbro purchase. No (new) ads until then. Then what do we get.
Cheap plastic suits. Sure, some people find it odd you play with cards with pictures of goblins and clerics and wurms on them, but you will never hear "is that that card game you play?" said like it is spoken when somebody sees that lame add with the Kez/Vizzerdrix pushing the mail cart.
...children...can you say "lame." Good job.
Recently, mutiple people, perhaps they were in kahoots, said to me: "Hey, do you have that new growth card?"
I assume it to be in reference to the ad I saw last night. Here's the play-by-play:
Opening: WotC Customer Service got a complaint that Goblin Hero is not powerful enough.
Hey, big suprise there. Maybe the complaint is because they made Grey Ogre RARE.
We see the Goblin Hero sitting opposite the Guy In A White Lab Coat™.
Note the fact that the goblin is allmost convincing. Better makeup job than all the Magic ads combined.
Of course the Guy In A White Lab Coat™ has a solution for every problem.
Might I suggest Burning Shield Askari? That's strictly superior...
Cut to two kids playing in the living room:
Player A taps a Forest.
Ugh...what's with these kids today? His lands are right in front of him instead of towards the center of the table. How are your creatures supposed to attack your opponent with no land for them to travel across? Second, he had two lands in a pile but tapped only one. PLEASE stop that! People, keep lands unpiled unless you need table space...and if you have two in one pile and three in another, tap the two-pile for two mana, not the top two of the three pile. Surprise, when you turn half the pile, the other half tries to go with it.
Knock Knock at the door, who is it? Al Gore...no...close. It's our goblin friend. He puts Giant Growth on the stack, apparently with Player A's mana, inflates a little, and throws Player A through the coffee table.
Ok, now the game logic breaks down. First, GG on a Hero is a 5/5. Juzam Djinn and Blastoderm will tell you that a 5/5 does not fit in a doorway, heck, a 5/5 doesn't fit in your house. That goblin might have felt an Agressive Urge, maybe...Second, Player A didn't even get a chance to fight back. He should have at least broken a chair over GH's head. GG doesn't give First Strike. Maybe Player A has 0 power.
The Guy In A White Lab Coat™ asks if that solved his problem.
Roll sales pitch and fade to next ad.
-=-
Better than the old ads, but we still have a way to go. I still miss the guitar. Things are looking up though. More ads mean more people asking about it, which begets more players which begets more stores, which begets lower prices. Hooray!
