D
DÛke
Guest
Who said everlasting depression and eternal despair are not...rewarding in their own ways?
As few friends here know, I live life from one day to the next in depression - in incurable, insistent, all embracing melancholy - so extreme that what is one to do if not make something out of it?
And no, I don't believe in medicine. Stupid? Yes - I have been called that before; but how can you make black blacker? I don't do medicine: I believe they cure us of, what? Illnesses or rewards? And who would want to cure his rewards? Only he who sees no reward but a condemnation, only he who cannot overcome his misfortunes and seeks a cure. I am, therefore, the eternally melancholic. Just because I am smiling doesn't mean I am smiling - perhaps the smile only haunts my face for entertainment and as a way of mockery...not, in any case, as a smile. What does it mean to smile? By heavens! How would I know!
As a result, sometimes I wake up and wish that life just ends once and for all. I see no reason to play this game. Sometimes I wake up right to greet whatever scrap of paper I can find, whatever method which can enable me to write and leave marks, and...go crazy with words - words that come from nowhere, to be sure, not from me, not from here...not from anywhere...words, they come. At other times I wake up with a melody in my head, or a whole musical...and I try to disobey by bringing it into real reality - as if...as if the music inside my head is not real enough! But I trust you know what I mean.
One of these musicals I managed, however imperfectly - but I managed. If you feel like listening, do. If you don't, then...well, this could actually be the most useless thread in the history of useless threads. It doesn't make you laugh out of its humour, it doesn't make you think even - how...useless.
If you happen to listen, I would so greatly appreciate your comments. The only time I feel connection to people is when they are being personal - emotionally charged, fanatically, in a state of obsession, in madness - and sometimes, at rare and blessed times, such a thing happens when one listens to a provocative piece of music or when one hears a poet singing his lines to no one in particular but instead is focusing on the moon, the stars, the sky - a ghost; it happens, and I love it when it happens, because for once - for only such a rare moment - it seems that I and those who I am misunderstood by to the point of abhorrence and intolerance finally meet face to face and eye to eye, through the music - which is...my...true...language...and not these wordless words...I do not want to be heard and understood, there is still much distance between us; I want to be felt and known - and what is knowing, as I defined it to my Philosophy professor this past semester? To know is to be one with - to know is to overcome the detachment - to know is to shorten the distance...
My second track (soon to be an actual song; yes, with vocals) under the name Midnight Man - "A Night Without Tomorrow" - I would love to hear interpertations of the title, which has two conflicting meanings, supposing that one takes it personally...
http://www.acidplanet.com/artist.asp?PID=336175&T=549
As few friends here know, I live life from one day to the next in depression - in incurable, insistent, all embracing melancholy - so extreme that what is one to do if not make something out of it?
And no, I don't believe in medicine. Stupid? Yes - I have been called that before; but how can you make black blacker? I don't do medicine: I believe they cure us of, what? Illnesses or rewards? And who would want to cure his rewards? Only he who sees no reward but a condemnation, only he who cannot overcome his misfortunes and seeks a cure. I am, therefore, the eternally melancholic. Just because I am smiling doesn't mean I am smiling - perhaps the smile only haunts my face for entertainment and as a way of mockery...not, in any case, as a smile. What does it mean to smile? By heavens! How would I know!
As a result, sometimes I wake up and wish that life just ends once and for all. I see no reason to play this game. Sometimes I wake up right to greet whatever scrap of paper I can find, whatever method which can enable me to write and leave marks, and...go crazy with words - words that come from nowhere, to be sure, not from me, not from here...not from anywhere...words, they come. At other times I wake up with a melody in my head, or a whole musical...and I try to disobey by bringing it into real reality - as if...as if the music inside my head is not real enough! But I trust you know what I mean.
One of these musicals I managed, however imperfectly - but I managed. If you feel like listening, do. If you don't, then...well, this could actually be the most useless thread in the history of useless threads. It doesn't make you laugh out of its humour, it doesn't make you think even - how...useless.
If you happen to listen, I would so greatly appreciate your comments. The only time I feel connection to people is when they are being personal - emotionally charged, fanatically, in a state of obsession, in madness - and sometimes, at rare and blessed times, such a thing happens when one listens to a provocative piece of music or when one hears a poet singing his lines to no one in particular but instead is focusing on the moon, the stars, the sky - a ghost; it happens, and I love it when it happens, because for once - for only such a rare moment - it seems that I and those who I am misunderstood by to the point of abhorrence and intolerance finally meet face to face and eye to eye, through the music - which is...my...true...language...and not these wordless words...I do not want to be heard and understood, there is still much distance between us; I want to be felt and known - and what is knowing, as I defined it to my Philosophy professor this past semester? To know is to be one with - to know is to overcome the detachment - to know is to shorten the distance...
My second track (soon to be an actual song; yes, with vocals) under the name Midnight Man - "A Night Without Tomorrow" - I would love to hear interpertations of the title, which has two conflicting meanings, supposing that one takes it personally...
http://www.acidplanet.com/artist.asp?PID=336175&T=549